Wednesday, August 30, 2006


Football Pool

Football season is amongst us.

Well almost, I know that any woman who may read this rag, just stopped when they saw the above sentence, But if you are still here please hear me out.

I am once again playing in a football elimination pool, (NGD and his dad are signed up as well) and it is fun and easy. If you or someone you know watches ANY NFL football even if you only watch the commercials at half time of the Superbowl, that is enough to play nad win this game. It cost $20.00 to get in and all you have to do is pick the winner of ANY game once a week. The only catch is you can’t pick the same team twice. So once you pick the Steelers, you can’t pick them for the rest of the season. Last year I bought 2 spaces,one for me and one for Bouby, and thankfully so, because I picked the Rams to beat SF 49er’s the first game of the first week. Well they didn’t win and I was out. But thankfully I had bought two spots, so we were still alive. We lasted right up until Eli Manning threw fucking 5 interceptions or something equally dumb and led the NY Giants to the worst game in the history of the Giants organization.

Anyway last years payout was $2020.00 and that was split by 3 people who didn’t lose, so it was pretty good return on investment of $20.00.

Sign up and play with me andNGD!

Elimination Pool

Tuesday, August 29, 2006


Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

One year later and people are still living below sea level.

Ray Nagin is a racist.

There I said it.

Our president is dumber than a bag of hair clippings

Not really news.

The Governor of Louisiana, she is a twit.

Shocking? Not really.

Riddle me this Batman, why hasn’t someone just brought in a thousand bull dozers and a few hundred dredging barges and started to fill in the hole we call New Orleans? Speaking of which what happened to “old” Orleans, did it sink in the ocean? Back to the rant.

So, if we dredged up all of that silt and Mississippi mud from the river and started to knock down all of those houses and so called “Historical” shanties, wouldn’t that make for a good foundation to build Rays dream of a Chocolate city? Make a huge “berlin-esque” retaining wall right there on the beach and then start back filling the entire hole they call a city and as they do this the put in MODERN plumbing and electrical and other conveniences, IE: nice roads and boat docks, and build a truly NEW Orleans, ABOVE sea level!

Novel concept? Too farfetched? Maybe, but it has to be better than listening to the whiny fucking lazy cocksuckers who were dumb enough to live in a bowl under water.

That is like an Eskimo who builds his igloo on the ice and then when spring hits and the ice breaks up, and all of his shit washes out to sea, he demands that the government repay him.

That doesn’t happen and neither should this mess. I’m sorry that people died in the hurricane, but at least you had 5 FUCKING DAYS OF WARNINGS! When the tornados hit the Midwest we feel grateful when we get 30 mins of warnings. If someone were to tell me that My city was going to be hit with a world class tornado, and there would be almost complete devastation….I would take the time off work and go visit my relatives or friends that live else where, hell I might just go camping for a week. But I sure the fuck wouldn’t sit there and say,” really total devastation? Yeah well I’m sure that your years of study and training has made you an expert in the eyes of experts but I’m not leaving my house, I’ll be fine…hurricane schmuricane”

I see Dumb People

Monday, August 28, 2006



It Rained.

It rained a lot.

Some areas of KC Metro got 8” of rain.

Me and Bouby were volunteering at the JAYCEE booth, at Parkville days, to help drum up new recruits and let the community know that the JAYCEES is still a viable and helpful organization.

We were wet and muddy for 2 ½ days. BUT we had a lot of fun and made some good contacts. So not all was a wash…pardon the pun.

I did meet a guy that has had a “Forrest Gump” with out the dumbness style life experience. From 1945-1948 he was in the navy as a meteorologist, he traveled over 400,000 miles of ocean and on every single ocean on the planet. He knocked over Harry S. Truman wearing only a towel while Harry was the standing President, he traveled to Antarctica twice, once with the Bird expedition. He was a fascinating man who spent 3 years at sea. I am going to try and hook him up with a friend of a friend who is a screen writer, I would like to see this guy’s life on the silver screen.

Missed all of the pre season football games and haven’t started working out like I told myself I needed to, or I would blow up and die. So Situation Normal All Fucked Up.

I did buy a new palm pilot, it has wi-fi and Bluetooth and I’m excited to be able to have the worlds smallest laptop. It also plays movies, naturally the fist clip I put on it to test it was some porn…it is funny to see porn on the tiny screen.

I really don’t have any controversies going on, I also have seemed to lost my ability to be as angry as I used to, seems that lack of sleep, and stress will do that to you, take the edge right off.

I don’t know why I’m not sleeping as well as I should be, I mean I am still sleeping but I wake up sore and tired like I have been fighting in my dreams or something. I need to relax more and stop watching so much late night TV.

Here are some more random pictures.

Aluminim can art. This is what you have to look forward to in redneck retirement. Drink beer and make airplanes out of empties....then travel around and bullshit with other rednecks and sell them your trash,made into windmills and airplanes. Nicely constructed trash...yet still trash.

equivilent of a JonBenet Ramsy beauty contest Missouri Redneck style. Dress your little girls up to look like the trailer tramps they are destined to grow as and parade them around in front of all of the trailer people.....weirdos.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


Death of a Player

Yesterday I buried a friend of mine.

My best friends father had been trying to drink himself to death for the last three years and last Wednesday he succeeded. He got so drunk that he slipped into a diabetic coma….he wasn’t diabetic, but the alcohol made his blood sugar drop to a 17, it is supposed to be around 80. He died peacefully and on his own terms.

Senior (Because my best friend is Junior), Senior was a hard working hard playing man about town. I knew he and his friends pretty much ran or knew who ran all of the vices in Manhattan Kansas. I know what you’re thinking, “how many vices can Manhattan Kansas have?”. Well there is an army base less than 20 minutes away, Kansas State University is there, and it is the biggest “city” in 5 counties, so everyone goes there to shop and see a picture show…(Yes I know it is hick, I did that on purpose!)

So yesterday’s funeral was like a who’s who of Players. I wish there would have been a documentary film crew there. They could have called it “Players Ball Wild West”. I haven’t seen so many old school pimps and players in one room in my life. There was even a contingent of cops in attendance. The best part was the way these pimps were dressed. There was more pin striped suits and alligator shoes and hats then a rerun of Starsky and Hutch. One cat had on a burnt orange pin striped suit, the kind with a long coat, and a matching Pork Pie hat, a full carat diamond ear ring and more rings then Mr. T.

Is there any question why I loved this man and his family?

Sr, was well loved and respected, he was my savior at least once in my youth I wrote about it a long time ago on my D-land account and I will try and find it and make a link, but in short he, without asking questions, jumped out of bed drove across town and was prepared to beat the shit out of a whole frat house with a baseball bat, just because my dumb ass did something stupid and he was protecting me.

Anyway Nutchie, where ever you ended up, I hope they have a good dice game and a fresh deck of cards waiting for you, just try and not cheat any of the angels out of their wings, they tend to get a little pissy when you do that.


If you live in the KC area, you more than likely know that some twisted ass hammer has admitted to killing at least 7 people and crushing up their bones and scattering them on his lawn. Bouby and I were thinking that was a pretty good idea. So we are going to tell the cops that we murdered a whole bunch of people and buried them in our flower bed in front of our house.

That way when the cops come to look for the evidence they will be forced to weed and dig up that fucking jungle and we will be able to finally plant something that looks nice.

I mean they are doing a fantastic job of digging up that other guys yard, it just seems like the best way for us to get some free landscaping.

I wonder if they would do the planting for us too?

Since Clarity and WCG liked the random Airport pics here are a bunch more:

Sunday, August 20, 2006


Weekend in Review

First I'd like to welcome some visitors from the KC Royals....I don't know if they are players or if they are part of the support staff, but in any case Welcome to Smells like Bullshit. If you spent as much time practicing as you do blogging you might win a few more games though....I'm kidding!! You boys in Blue are a bunch of swell guys.

I’m sure that everyone has seen all of the rubber debris littering our highways and byways, and I know we all know how it gets there but until Friday afternoon I have never seen how it got there live in person.

I was driving home from work, (a whole different headache) when the tractor trailer in the lane next to mine blows a tire. Scared the shit out of me, I swear I was ducking and looking around for the shooter. I thought that there was a highway gunman picking people off in a bad case of road rage. Then I spotted the tire as it started to break apart and scatter itself all over the highway. Very cool in a scary “I hope I don’t die trying to avoid giant tire parts on the highway while driving 80 MPH”
This weekend has been one of total relaxation. New pain killers and a fresh bottle of rum and I am a sloth.

Work wants me to put my clients on hold for three weeks, stop selling and be a half assed project manager to ride herd over a team of temps…which is the equivalent of driving the short bus to the Kansas City school for the lazy and retarded. It does mean making an ok bonus as well as switching from salary to hourly and getting $20/hour including OT and guaranteed 60 hour work weeks. So since I’m a big hairy pussy, I will do it, and I will smile the whole time as I plot my way out of this company.

C’mon Lotto Numbers!!

On my other deal, the one that I will hopefully be using to become semi retired within a year, well I think I have facilitated the contacts to make this happen. The manufacturing company that I found, wants to play nice and could be looking to give us the remainder of the cash needed to make our product, and then get it into their channel sales arena. They are talking 500,000 units a year multiplied by $99.00 equals approx 5 million in annual sales, and our cut will be anywhere from 5-15% which is $250,000-$750,000/year divided by 4. Which is a WHOLE hellava lot more than I make now. And if I do get this gig and we do end up selling these things you can bet your ass that I will be at the gym/golf course every day, as promised.

But for now I have to keep my fat ass bent to the will of the man as he uses it as a glory hole and I don’t even get a reach around.

Fuck I need therapy.

Here are some random pictures from the airport:

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


Look Ma I'm an Idiot!!

Other things that I hate about air travel is when you exit the plane some jack ass is traveling somewhere that they haven’t been in an eon or two and the people picking them up feel the need to meet these people at the gate, at the exit, in the doorway. When people do this they tend to block traffic for as long as the hugging continues. And if the picking up party is more than 3 people the hugging lasts an extremely long time. I have some advice.


It is simple really, if you are meeting your party and there is a normal size exit door, that allows only one person at a time through it DON’T STAND IN FRONT OF IT! Simple really. Yet apparently completely out of the fucking question.

Here is one more bitch, then I swear I’ll stop.

When you are waiting for your luggage to come out of the baggage claim carousal don’t stand right next to the carousal, there can only be one FIRST bag and the odds that it is yours are very very very slim. If everyone would stand a civilized 5-10 feet away from the carousal the people whose bags do come off first will be able to actually get them and GO HOME!! Instead of fighting their way through your 5 dirty stinking kids and grandpa who smells like he needs HIS diaper changed. Step back wait for your bag run fetch it and get the fuck out of the airport. Again very simple, and you’ll avoid getting a verbal punch to the ego from me.

We have TV cameras coming to the shop today to film us for an up coming show on one of those crazy jesse james, chopper, hotrod, cooking with dead animals, belly button lint sculpture reality shows. I’ll let you know when it airs, if it airs. It should be pretty funny since our CEO is like a complete ego maniac.

Here are some illustrations from my airport baggage claim complaints;

Here is a lady with Lion King Hair, I bet she is a big hit at kiddy parties. MUFASTA!!

And here is a weird foot. This is the second time in a week that I have noticed 2 different women with the two middle toes EXACTLY the same length. That is just weird.

Saturday, August 12, 2006


Pictures of Rhode Island

Here are some more pictures, I took these as I walked around old Newport.

This Kid picked up a dollar bill that a bum dropped and gave it back to him...An honest to god honest teenager. Whowouldathunk?

A Starbucks? What are the odds? At least it fits in the neighborhood.

When you are so fat your shoes look like they grow into your legs it is time to see a doctor.

Down the street...what can I say.....boring

Took this because it was on the viewfinder when I sat the camera down for lunch.

Lobster pots

the Pier

The Harbor

2 English Bulldogs

Drydocked for repairs....More pics later, I have some good ones from the airport. And I think I got a picture of Cate Blanchette

Friday, August 11, 2006


3hours in the airport..thanks mr. terrorists

What a painful fucking trip it has been. Why are there so many stupid people in the world? I mean really. I think I need to seek the help of a therapist. My anger management skills are certainly lacking and I don’t see and end to the madness. Maybe I just need stronger drugs. Or go back to smoking weed. Something has to give.

Here is some guidelines for living on my planet, for people who may not know that they are the cause of seemingly random acts of violence.
1. The middle of the sidewalk is not a good place to stop and talk on your fucking cell phone, your family, a group of strangers, or the local three legged dog.
2. When you are waiting to get on an elevator, and the doors open, give the people inside a chance to get OUT before you try and wedge your ass IN.
3. When standing in line and the guy in front of you moves forward….you move forward. See that is how lines work. I don’t give a rats ass that you are waiting for your husband, you are blocking traffic and need to either move forward or not get in line to begin with. Personally I would like to hold you under water until the bubbles stop.
4. If you are in a line to get food and there seems to be a HUGE line behind you, making small talk with the non English speaking counter person will likely get you stabbed in the neck with a plastic fork.
5. Before you fly on an airplane, do some research. See what you will need to do to, to get past security quickly and without holding up the line. Like wearing the proper clothing, you will be required to take your shoes off, don’t wear anything with complicated snaps, laces, and don’t fucking bitch about it.
6. Don’t wear excessive jewelry when flying, the metal detectors hate that. And I will donkey punch you for holding up the line while you field strip your body of useless junk.
7. Don’t act like everything the TSA people ask you to do is a personal affront of you. They tend to only mess with people who are ass holes so if you are an asshole I suggest either changing your ways or get used to having the body cavity searches.
8. Cell phones have a built in amplifier. Stop yelling. If you can’t hear yourself over your Bluetooth ear piece take it the fuck out. (I am learning this one my self so I will cut you a touch of slack)
9. Don’t allow your pre-teen and teenage daughters to wear skimpy outfits with writing on the ass. If they have clothing that says “Juicy” on the ass, more often than not someone will want to test that advertising and will try and taste it to make sure it really is Juicy.
10. When it is your turn in the Glory hole , DON’T be late! People are depending on you. (Ok I just made that one up because I didn’t have number 10 on my anger scale)
11. Kids, if you have them, you need to control them or I will and neither you or the kids will like that. Discipline is not ABUSE.
12. If your kid is kicking my seat on an airplane, I WILL kick your seat… won’t like this, I promise.

Ok now I did get some groovy pictures of stuff in Newport RI. I think that Bouby and I have another vacation destination. It is very beautiful and the weather is way cool!

I'll have more later after I strangle the stupid people behind me with the screaming child, then I plan on skinning the kid and wearing her as a hat all the way to KC.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


Rhodefuckingisland Baby!

Ok I’m in Rhode Island.

Why does visions of Wayne and Garth pop into my head when I travel to the upper east coast?

“Hey we’re in Delaware…..Yeah…Delaware”

So far things are groovy, I’m waiting to get picked by a shuttle to get me the hour down the coast and off to the island that Newport is located on. I wish the Bouby was here it is a beautiful 78 degrees out with a nice breeze off the ocean. But then again if she was here I wouldn’t be able to ogle the women construction workers.

There must a shortage of men here, NOT That women can’t do construction, they can and usually a better job than men. What I am saying is that most girls are smarter than that and will find a better job inside and not so sweaty. UNLESS all of those jobs suck, and some one is willing to pay you a shit bag of money to pound nails.

Anyway there seems to be a ton of chick construction workers here at the airport…that’s all I’m saying.

More time to bitch about stupid people flying. If you’re new here please pay real close attention, those of you who have heard this rant please skip ahead.

I will never be punished again for following the rules.

Let me explain.

Some douche bag getting on last was trying to jam his obviously way too fucking big bag into the overhead bin above my seat where me and my traveling companion were sitting. He was doing an excellent job of running this GINORMOUS bag into about $10,000 worth of camera equipment. (not mine) and about $3,000 of computer stuff (mostly mine..Ok not really but I need to sound more important for this story) He almost gets it jammed in there when my companion tells him to stop banging his livelihood around like a cheap whore and the sky tramp offers to put his cameras across the aisle and he accepts.

The fuckers bag still didn’t quite fit but he shut the lid anyway and jammed the lock shut.

Being the assholes we are we called the waitress over and showed her the dilemma, and that bitch actually asked who owned the laptop. I said I did, and then she said” Can I move it over there, so this bag will fit better?”

“I wish you wouldn’t”

“Well it will be ok there is just enough room for it over there, so it will be safe”
“And if I get off the plane and my bag is gone what then?”


“I don’t see why I should be punished for some douche (I did say douche) who fails to follow the luggage guidelines set forth by your air line and then not enforced”

The little Muslim guy even started nodding his head and we began a chant of “Check it, check It, CHECK IT”

But they found a place for it up front.

Here are some simple fucking rules for when you fly.

1. If you can’t lift it above your head you MUST check it.
2. If it has Wheels you must CHECK it!
3. If you are traveling with kids or old people and you get to pre board, you sit in the back!!! First on last off.
4. If you plan on drinking, bring change! No one has change for a 20 that they aren’t using to have cocktails with.
Follow these simple rules and you will make it to your destination without getting beaten by me.

Monday, August 07, 2006


Home Again, Home Again

Monday morning and all is right with the world.

The meeting I had on Friday went extremely well and we are looking forward to more of those meetings. I hope to give some great news, later on this year. As in “Hey I’m retiring!” but that isn’t going to happen this week. As inventors, we are finding it is harder to sell a good idea than a bad product.

No matter how good the idea is it doesn’t have a sales record and no one wants to take a huge risk in marketing something that doesn’t have a sales record. You could have the cure for cancer and if it doesn’t have a solid sales record behind it, no one will touch it without a ton of caveats. But we are moving in the right direction, and soon we will have a production product and a sales stream.

As for the road trip…if I have to go out and do that shit again it will be too fucking soon. I can’t believe how grueling it is to work 39 hours straight. I’m getting really old. I used to be able to do 3-4 days without too much sleep, now one 39 hour work day and I need a nap. The drive out there, as you can see was long and silly, I have a few more pictures, like the GINORMOUS steel cross that pops out of nowhere when you round a particular bend in the road.

And one of the holes we had to cut in the tool boxes for air flow.

But after that I was way to busy hurrying up and waiting that I couldn’t find the time to take any more pics. The flights home were a complete fucking nightmare if I do say so myself. We are driving in a huge thunder storm DELUGE and naturally more morons that should be allowed are out driving slow in the fast lane and gawking at the sky wondering where that wet stuff comes from and if it is necessary to have so much of it come at the same time.

Our plane was scheduled to leave at 7:57 pm with a connecting flight in Chicago to get us back to KC at 11:37pm Thursday night. Well we were delayed an hour due to weather from Indy. We thought how cool is this we now don’t have a 2 hour lay over in Chi-town we just have an hour to walk from one end of O’Hare to the other because why would you want connecting flight close to each other? I mean how in the hell are you going to impulse shop if you don’t walk the 6.78 miles from United to American? They would hate to have you miss any opportunity to buy a $5.00 candy bar, or possibly a shot glass, made in china complete with brain retarding lead paint.

So we are waiting in Indy and they finally call for our plane to board. It is then we notice we are walking OUTSIDE to get on a plane. I haven’t done this since I was on a commuter flight from SFO to Chico when I was getting recruited to play football. And you know what it is the same fucking plane. A cigar tube with wings. A hot dog casing with engines. If you don’t know the plane I am referring to such a small plane that they have two seats on one side and one side on the other and the whole thing hold like 30 people. So as I am walking up the stairs to get in this tiny avionic masterpiece, I notice how short the ceiling is. I’m standing on the landing and I can look over the top of the plane. Just like my pick up. Did I mention I’m 6’2” and weigh in at oh lets say 325, because I’m feeling slim this morning. Do you realize how much tiny planes would bother me?

The whole flight is 47 min. gate to gate so I endure. When we get to the terminal in O’Hare, we find our Sherpa guides and start the trek to the other side of the planet, what the natives call “notgoingontimeville” I think it means “to sleep in old uncomfortable chairs” Since we had a different flight as well as a different airline we had to check in AGAIN! So we find the first American Airlines ticket counter, after spending a hard 3 days wandering around the terminal, I think our guide was drunk or stoned because I swear we passed the same kiosk a dozen times. So we order up our tickets, they were first class and we were looking forward to a nice leisurely ride home with cocktails and possibly a nap.

Our flight was delayed 2 hours.


So now we had a departure of 11:20 pm with a flight time of 1.5 hours. My possible life changing meeting was going to take place at 9:30 am the next day and I had to be there as well as be semi well rested. This was pissing me off. So we all sat waiting….finally we were informed as to why we were waiting.

The crew was stuck in Dallas because of the weather. So we waited, 11:20 came and went, 11:40 came and went 11:45 came and we were told to get on the plane and do it quickly so that we would be able to leave because the whole crew was going to go “Illegal” in a matter of minutes.

“The whole crew is going to turn into Mexicans and Canadians in a matter of minutes?” I thought, that was damn powerful magic now. So we certainly didn’t want our plane to be flown by illegal aliens so the entire DC-9 was boarded and luggage stowed and everyone was buckled in 10 minutes. I think that was a record.

Another record was the flight time. The Captain wasn’t fucking around this time. What normally is a 1.5 hour flight gate to gate ……we made it in 59 mins. 12:05 am to 1:04 am. That captain didn’t want to spend one more fucking second in the air and he wasn’t afraid to burn the fuel.

Needless to say Bouby was not happy, I was cranky and unwashed not to mention tired, and I made my meeting which brings us to the start of this entry.

Oh and this is kinda cool;
I'm getting famous!

Thursday, August 03, 2006


very tired

It is now 1:20 am EST and mostly our work has ground to a stand still due in large by lack luster project management.

None of the PM’s assurances that what he has done in the past VS what I know to be truths have come to happen. IE: using a 4” hole saw to cut vents in the bottom of a Craftsman tool chest for the massive heat dissipation needed to keep the computers cool. I was assured that in the past the PM has drilled ½ “ into a steel “I” beam before he realized it, and that the thin gauge steel of a tool box would be no problem.

Boy was he wrong.

It has taken the better part of an hour to use the 4” hole saw to mark up the tool box where we would like the air vents to be, and the try to cut them out with an 18 volt jigsaw.

I would rather drive 10 penny nails into my cock with a ball peen hammer then this.

My skull is splitting in twain…

I also got to christen a pristine porta-potty it was like dropping a bowling ball from a step ladder into a kiddy pool. It is now 3:30am EST. I’m going to take a power nap and wait for Home Depot to open.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Looks Like We MAde it.....

Yes we are here but no time for pics!!


1/2 way there......