Friday, August 11, 2006
3hours in the airport..thanks mr. terrorists
What a painful fucking trip it has been. Why are there so many stupid people in the world? I mean really. I think I need to seek the help of a therapist. My anger management skills are certainly lacking and I don’t see and end to the madness. Maybe I just need stronger drugs. Or go back to smoking weed. Something has to give.
Here is some guidelines for living on my planet, for people who may not know that they are the cause of seemingly random acts of violence.
1. The middle of the sidewalk is not a good place to stop and talk on your fucking cell phone, your family, a group of strangers, or the local three legged dog.
2. When you are waiting to get on an elevator, and the doors open, give the people inside a chance to get OUT before you try and wedge your ass IN.
3. When standing in line and the guy in front of you moves forward….you move forward. See that is how lines work. I don’t give a rats ass that you are waiting for your husband, you are blocking traffic and need to either move forward or not get in line to begin with. Personally I would like to hold you under water until the bubbles stop.
4. If you are in a line to get food and there seems to be a HUGE line behind you, making small talk with the non English speaking counter person will likely get you stabbed in the neck with a plastic fork.
5. Before you fly on an airplane, do some research. See what you will need to do to, to get past security quickly and without holding up the line. Like wearing the proper clothing, you will be required to take your shoes off, don’t wear anything with complicated snaps, laces, and don’t fucking bitch about it.
6. Don’t wear excessive jewelry when flying, the metal detectors hate that. And I will donkey punch you for holding up the line while you field strip your body of useless junk.
7. Don’t act like everything the TSA people ask you to do is a personal affront of you. They tend to only mess with people who are ass holes so if you are an asshole I suggest either changing your ways or get used to having the body cavity searches.
8. Cell phones have a built in amplifier. Stop yelling. If you can’t hear yourself over your Bluetooth ear piece take it the fuck out. (I am learning this one my self so I will cut you a touch of slack)
9. Don’t allow your pre-teen and teenage daughters to wear skimpy outfits with writing on the ass. If they have clothing that says “Juicy” on the ass, more often than not someone will want to test that advertising and will try and taste it to make sure it really is Juicy.
10. When it is your turn in the Glory hole , DON’T be late! People are depending on you. (Ok I just made that one up because I didn’t have number 10 on my anger scale)
11. Kids, if you have them, you need to control them or I will and neither you or the kids will like that. Discipline is not ABUSE.
12. If your kid is kicking my seat on an airplane, I WILL kick your seat…..you won’t like this, I promise.
Ok now I did get some groovy pictures of stuff in Newport RI. I think that Bouby and I have another vacation destination. It is very beautiful and the weather is way cool!
I'll have more later after I strangle the stupid people behind me with the screaming child, then I plan on skinning the kid and wearing her as a hat all the way to KC.
Here is some guidelines for living on my planet, for people who may not know that they are the cause of seemingly random acts of violence.
1. The middle of the sidewalk is not a good place to stop and talk on your fucking cell phone, your family, a group of strangers, or the local three legged dog.
2. When you are waiting to get on an elevator, and the doors open, give the people inside a chance to get OUT before you try and wedge your ass IN.
3. When standing in line and the guy in front of you moves forward….you move forward. See that is how lines work. I don’t give a rats ass that you are waiting for your husband, you are blocking traffic and need to either move forward or not get in line to begin with. Personally I would like to hold you under water until the bubbles stop.
4. If you are in a line to get food and there seems to be a HUGE line behind you, making small talk with the non English speaking counter person will likely get you stabbed in the neck with a plastic fork.
5. Before you fly on an airplane, do some research. See what you will need to do to, to get past security quickly and without holding up the line. Like wearing the proper clothing, you will be required to take your shoes off, don’t wear anything with complicated snaps, laces, and don’t fucking bitch about it.
6. Don’t wear excessive jewelry when flying, the metal detectors hate that. And I will donkey punch you for holding up the line while you field strip your body of useless junk.
7. Don’t act like everything the TSA people ask you to do is a personal affront of you. They tend to only mess with people who are ass holes so if you are an asshole I suggest either changing your ways or get used to having the body cavity searches.
8. Cell phones have a built in amplifier. Stop yelling. If you can’t hear yourself over your Bluetooth ear piece take it the fuck out. (I am learning this one my self so I will cut you a touch of slack)
9. Don’t allow your pre-teen and teenage daughters to wear skimpy outfits with writing on the ass. If they have clothing that says “Juicy” on the ass, more often than not someone will want to test that advertising and will try and taste it to make sure it really is Juicy.
10. When it is your turn in the Glory hole , DON’T be late! People are depending on you. (Ok I just made that one up because I didn’t have number 10 on my anger scale)
11. Kids, if you have them, you need to control them or I will and neither you or the kids will like that. Discipline is not ABUSE.
12. If your kid is kicking my seat on an airplane, I WILL kick your seat…..you won’t like this, I promise.
Ok now I did get some groovy pictures of stuff in Newport RI. I think that Bouby and I have another vacation destination. It is very beautiful and the weather is way cool!
I'll have more later after I strangle the stupid people behind me with the screaming child, then I plan on skinning the kid and wearing her as a hat all the way to KC.
