Monday, June 26, 2006


Father's Day

I have been so busy that I didn’t get a chance to thank Clarity for the wonderful Father’s Day present she created for me. I had the idea when she and her Hubby Eric were having some finicial difficulties and were looking for a way to make some extra money. She is such an amazing artist, I am lucky to have one of her earlier works to hang…that it is a portrait of my dad is even better.

This way I can say I “knew” her when.

I met up with my Dad at my brothers house and I showed him the picture that I sent to Clarity and I asked if he remembered it. He said yes it was taken on the USS Salisbury Sound around 1952-53. I then asked if he liked that particular picture, and he said “well yeah, it is ok I guess” I then whipped out the portrait and I said well I hope you lkike it because I had this made for you from it.

His eyes, welled up immediately (like mine are doing as I write this down) and his voice cracked into an unintelligible hoarse whisper, and he got out “I don’t know what to say” He then broke out with a sob of joy. He stood there holding that portrait and looking into the drawing taking in all of the details. I could see that in his eyes he was transported back 53 years to the deck of his ship and could feel the wind on his freshly shaved scalp as he posed in front of a flag that was yet to represent all 50 states. I could see he was once again looking into the camera that his shipmate held, even if he couldn’t tell me who took the picture, I know he could see the lens, and at that moment he was 21 again.

His eyes have seen a lot since then, and they now have crows feet and laugh lines, but on this last fathers day, they saw into the past and the memories flooded over him like a warm familiar blanket. We stood and cried together as the emotions over took all of us.

None of this could have been possible were it not for the talents of open very special woman and her pencil.

Thank you Clarity. That portrait is more than charcoal and parchment, it is a time machine and even though it is set to only travel one way for one man, and only one day, it works flawlessly, and it is on 24 hours a day.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Willie Nelson has nothing on me!!

Dear Blog,

I know it has been a while since I have been here to write you a message but my days and nights have been filled with work. It all started 3 weeks ago when I decided to lend my assistance to a fellow co-worker and friend on a big project. There was a lot of late nights and heavy lifting involved. I was very tired. Then the shit hit the fan and I was standing in front of it.

My co-worker decided to leave the company. He did this by leaving his cell phone and the keys to the exhibit on his desk the day before the job was to ship out. I do not begrudge him his leaving I do however wish the timing could have been a little better. I also wish he would have called me. I did what I could over the last three weeks and worked my ass off for this project, I was a little shocked, OK I was a lot shocked but I didn’t have time for anger, or despair, I just knew that we as a company needed to get the project out the door and on the road.

So I and a handful of other dumbassed “company” men stayed yet again past one thirty (we started at 6am on the morning of June 12th) and we redesigned some packing crates and cut to fit some others and we got the project on the road by 2am Tuesday morning.

I went home to catch a nap because I was scheduled to fly out Wednesday at 7am to help assemble the newly renamed “clusterfuck”. So we flew to Detroit. I think that the Pilot of this particular Southwest flight was a HUGE fan of the 60’s dance craze the “Hokey Pokey”, because when he was landing it seemed that he put the right wing in and he put the right wing out and then he shook it all about and we hit the ground at about the exact same speed that we were cruising at….something like 400 knots. I just knew that we were about to find out if the hokey pokey “IS” what it is all about.

I then got to experience a three day tour of hell as we field tested our exhibit. Shockingly enough some of the software was not ready to be used and abused by the general redneck public. I also found out that “needs to last three years” is designer code for “Really fucking heavy”.

So as I was helping the temps get shit unloaded I found out that even though I’m almost 40 and like 50 pounds heavier then I would like to be, (which is still 70 pounds fatter than normal people) I can still out lift, out work and carrier heavier things than kids ½ my age. I also figured out that when I make a discovery like that I tend to get pissed off at the kids because THAT SHOULDN’T HAPPEN!! Everything in my being says that 18-25 year old kids should be able to lift a 200 lb object and move it 50 feet.

I guess everyone in my life is right….I will admit that I finally see what they mean when they say “You don’t know your own strength”…. I guess I really don’t.

So we get it set up and ready for the first day’s exhibit, and we finally get to bed around 1am.

The first day we had the place open for 45 minutes before the powers that be shut it down due to none of the technology working properly. We stay, well some of us stay I don’t write code or program computers I pick up heavy things, so I didn’t have to stay until 3am.

Jesus this is getting long.

I haven’t even got to the part where our CEO flew up in a private “state of the art” new plane who’s fuel pump went out an hour and a half away from where they were supposed to be and in the wrong direction and we…again not me…had to go get them, I did have to take them back to the plane 3 days later and in doing so missed the last flight out of Detroit…Bouby was PISSED!

But anyway I have to fly to Milwaukee tomorrow to make some well thought out adjustments and to continue as the onsite supervisor for the exhibit. For 4 more days then it comes to the Kansas Speedway and we will be making a TON of adjustments.

I didn’t get the opportunity to snap any mullet pics, or any cool rednectivity, but I will try real hard to do that in Milwaukee.

If you are in Milwaukee and like NASCAR well just stay at home or you may find yourself here, on the electronic pages of my blog and I will blackmail you if I catch you doing any crazy rednecktivity.

Sunday, June 11, 2006


Sleep Deprivation

I haven’t gotten more then 9 hours of sleep in the last 3 days total.

I’m very tired.

The display we are building for Craftsman tools is enormous. It is labor intensive and finally almost done. If you have never met any one who has sanded and glued $120,000 worth of tools….well you have now. If you are a goofy assed NASCAR fan you will really enjoy all of our hard work, if not ….well you would still get a good idea of how hard I (we) have worked.

Anyway I have an 11 hour drive to Michigan where I hope to regale you with tales of mullets and rednecktivity. I’ll take photos, right now though I’m going to sleep.

Sunday, June 04, 2006


Grass is good!

Why is it that when ever I have to shit, I have to blow my nose? Doesn’t my body know that even I don’t want to smell that?

Can I tell you how much I hate yard work? We figured an important rule of grass. See how it works is grass needs water to grow. Grass needs water to stay green and not look like really tall and fluffy dirt. But thankfully mother nature gives us rain and that keeps the grass nice and green, and growing.

But we don’t want that because that means we would have to mow, and do other forms of yard maintenance, so when it doesn’t rain we let nature take its course and let the grass go dormant…Ok we really just want it to die, but that seems so harsh to say about some of natures greatest substance. We also found a way to keep this grass coming back year after year as well. Because we hate yard maintenance so much we don’t do it very often, so the grass sometimes goes to seed.

I know it is lazy, but when we do cut the grass it is always lush and beautiful.

No more news on the psycho rapist murderer pair that I worked with except they have added child molestation charges to the ever growing list of reasons why they deserve the death penalty. AND get this, the kid was his own niece. Apparently the sister of the psycho doesn’t own a TV and had no idea that the whole state and the FBI were looking for this ass clown, so they agreed to meet him and his girlfriend for dinner and let the kid ride with Richard and Dena….OOPS!! they took the kid with them and then tried to OD and then wrecked the stolen/borrowed truck and then called 911 themselves.

I wish I would have had a gun, and a scanner, because I think I would be saving the state some money.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


Redneck BE Gone

Are you tired of Rednecks?

Are they constantly hanging around and getting into your space?

Well not anymore!!

A new study has shown that Rednecks seem to be afraid of bumper mount umbrellas. I know it sounds crazy but just look at this ad! It clearly states that by purchasing this umbrella, that mounts into a standard reciever hitch and tilts you will be relieved of squinting AND rednecks!!

Redneck Remover

I can’t believe that for so many years I have been infested with rednecks and had no idea how to get rid of them until I came across this handy little device.

I want to test it out at the next NASCAR event. If it works my tailgating party will be an oasis in a sea of dumb.

They have found crawdads in Tel Aviv!

Now we will win the war for sure! If I only know one thing is that I'd put a pick truck full of rednecks on a Crawdad hunt against the entire middle east armed forces!