Wednesday, August 09, 2006


Rhodefuckingisland Baby!

Ok I’m in Rhode Island.

Why does visions of Wayne and Garth pop into my head when I travel to the upper east coast?

“Hey we’re in Delaware…..Yeah…Delaware”

So far things are groovy, I’m waiting to get picked by a shuttle to get me the hour down the coast and off to the island that Newport is located on. I wish the Bouby was here it is a beautiful 78 degrees out with a nice breeze off the ocean. But then again if she was here I wouldn’t be able to ogle the women construction workers.

There must a shortage of men here, NOT That women can’t do construction, they can and usually a better job than men. What I am saying is that most girls are smarter than that and will find a better job inside and not so sweaty. UNLESS all of those jobs suck, and some one is willing to pay you a shit bag of money to pound nails.

Anyway there seems to be a ton of chick construction workers here at the airport…that’s all I’m saying.

More time to bitch about stupid people flying. If you’re new here please pay real close attention, those of you who have heard this rant please skip ahead.

I will never be punished again for following the rules.

Let me explain.

Some douche bag getting on last was trying to jam his obviously way too fucking big bag into the overhead bin above my seat where me and my traveling companion were sitting. He was doing an excellent job of running this GINORMOUS bag into about $10,000 worth of camera equipment. (not mine) and about $3,000 of computer stuff (mostly mine..Ok not really but I need to sound more important for this story) He almost gets it jammed in there when my companion tells him to stop banging his livelihood around like a cheap whore and the sky tramp offers to put his cameras across the aisle and he accepts.

The fuckers bag still didn’t quite fit but he shut the lid anyway and jammed the lock shut.

Being the assholes we are we called the waitress over and showed her the dilemma, and that bitch actually asked who owned the laptop. I said I did, and then she said” Can I move it over there, so this bag will fit better?”

“I wish you wouldn’t”

“Well it will be ok there is just enough room for it over there, so it will be safe”
“And if I get off the plane and my bag is gone what then?”


“I don’t see why I should be punished for some douche (I did say douche) who fails to follow the luggage guidelines set forth by your air line and then not enforced”

The little Muslim guy even started nodding his head and we began a chant of “Check it, check It, CHECK IT”

But they found a place for it up front.

Here are some simple fucking rules for when you fly.

1. If you can’t lift it above your head you MUST check it.
2. If it has Wheels you must CHECK it!
3. If you are traveling with kids or old people and you get to pre board, you sit in the back!!! First on last off.
4. If you plan on drinking, bring change! No one has change for a 20 that they aren’t using to have cocktails with.
Follow these simple rules and you will make it to your destination without getting beaten by me.

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