Monday, December 31, 2007


I'm Sorry...

I had to abruptly cancel my hosting of the blogger meet and greet at Mickeys last Saturday, because my wonderful place of employment needed my assistance. Putting it that way doesn't make it seem like such a giant clusterfuck where they have to call in all able bodies who know their way around a tool box and do an install that was failing in Omaha...for two days.

I got back last might around 9:30, and had a tickle in my sinuses and throat, and now I have a full blown case of the flu and I am a whinny baby. I have a fever, more mucus then a class of 2nd graders and I am so sore from the emergency installation that I can barely move.

Bouby has it too and it looks like we'll be in bed when the ball drops.

Huge Pity party table for two?

Anyway other then being sick and overworked on what should have been a 4 day weekend everything is just fucking peachy.

Here is another reason to flush the toilet EVERY TIME- if you leave a wad of snot filled toilet paper in the bowl and then come back in 3-4 hours later, 1/2 asleep you will freak out, because it sounds way different then normal, and think you are pissing on the floor. So you ALMOST bust your penis trying to grip it and reverse flow all at the same time.

So remember kids, just flush and avoid penile injury, or pissing on the floor.

Happy fucking New Year

Thursday, December 27, 2007


WHAAATT was that?

I just got off the phone with my old co-host, who has been working in the Radio biz for the last 8 years unlike myself who has been doing anything he can to keep his ass from committing crimes and winding up in prison.

Anyway the call went like this...blah blah station is looking for a morning show team.

Really? where did you say that was?

San Diego.


Yeah, you know California...we rocked that town for a week at the holiday bowl, they loved us, we are fresh and hip and cool and angry..(Ok I'm embellishing a bit)

Well what the fuck over? Have you applied for the gig yet?

No I wanted to see if you'd be up for it.

You mean you wanted to ask to see I , THE ATTENTION WHORE THAT I AM, WOULD BE WILLING TO PULL UP ROOT AND GO BACK TO WORK IN A THANKLESS, DIRTY INDUSTRY THAT ALLOWS PEOPLE LIKE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE AN ASS OUTTA MYSELF FOR MONEY....Would I be willing to do that the number 17 market in the country? Hmmm let me see...

You don't have to be a dick.

Yes I do that was my job 8 years ago and I would like to think I haven't changed much.

So do you think I should do it?

Well if you won't I am. But since my air check tapes are 8 years old maybe you should send your in...HMMMM?

ok then I'll call you in a couple of days.

So great people of blogger land, keep thy fingers and toes crossed, Daddy may have a brand new bag!!

Gaslamp District here we come!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007




by Lame Mango Washington
(attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:

a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.

Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:

a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007


Merry Christmas

I hope that Santy Claus stuff your stockings so full toys come out your asses!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


What if I broke into your house?

Let's say I break into your house.

A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!!!
It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.

Her point:

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing
the issue of illegal immigration.

Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely.
Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.
Let's say I break into your house.
Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave

But I say,
"I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors. I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hardworking and honest (except for when I broke into your house.)
According to the protesters:
You are required to let me stay in your house You are required to add me to your family's insurance plan you are required to educate my kids.
You are required to provide other benefits to me & to my family(my husband will do all of your yard work because he is also hardworking and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm a
hardworking and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did break into your house.
And oh yeah, I get a free education, where you have to pay your own way through college.(TEEHEE)

And what a deal it is for me!!!

I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do
about it without being accused of cold,
uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and bigoted behavior.

Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE!!! so you can communicate with me. And don't forget to make sure your forms are in MY language - I need to understand them...

Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America.

Sunday, December 16, 2007


Back like a bad case of the crabs

Ok so I was supposed to be in the Bahamas until Tuesday, but due to some lazy sub contractors who work on the "soon come" clock..As in when will you be coming to work? "Soon come Mon!" the store that we were supposed to be building was no where near ready to have the interior installed. As a matter of fact there was SEVERAL things built wrong that would cause us to make on sight changes to the design...which I am never a fan of, So we came home early.

My co-worker tried like hell to talk me and our PM, as well as the head of the company in the Bahamas that we are working for that we could do some post production engineering and all would be just fine!! well I made the suggestion that we just table our part of this until the island guys get the store completed to the point that we could walk in and install our stuff and be in and out in 3-4 days as opposed to doing nothing, or not much anyway and having to sit and wait, or work through basic construction, which sucks. So we came home.

Now if you are planning on coming to the Bahamas let me enlighten you as to why I think it is a bad idea.

The Bahamas is a British commonwealth, and they act like a third world country. It is FILTHY down there. Every corner of every right angle is packed with wind blown trash. It is a sad place. This is where Columbus landed 500 years ago and met with the Arawak people, there is still a faction of these ancient people still on the island and at low tide here is what their legacy seems to be.

If you can't tell what that is it is this...

A GINNORMOUS pile of conch (pronounced CONK) shells, that stunk like the shit house door on a tuna boat. Here is a picture of some of the Arawak's and their man made vessels..
Here is the other side of the Cay, it is pretty during sunset...

So the view was spectacular, however the hotel was gross at best. If you ever need to go do not, I repeat DO NOT stay at the Nassau Palm Hotel. It used to be a Holiday Inn and would not have been my first choice if I had more then one pick. Hell I would have rather stayed in almost any other hotel. Here is a couple pics of the view...

Now since this place was a big time pirate lair for a couple hundred years naturally there was finally some time where someone had to come up with a fort to protect the people from the evil people, and that is what this is...well it is the barracks of the soldiers who were a part of the fort.

Now I want you to look closely at that picture. Do you see the live POWER line coming in from the right?

This is where that line is attached...

yes that is the hand rail for the observation stairs on the top of the barracks. Could you get any more ghetto? And this is run by the commonwealth!! this isn't a couple of dirt merchants stealing power from the cafe neon below their apartment window, this is a NATIONAL MONUMENT!!

This is a couple of pics from the top of the barracks...

Here are the cannons that are a good 150 yards from the barracks...

So if you want to go to the Caribbean, please do!! It is a wonderful place, just go to the Grand Caymans, or an all inclusive resort like Hedonism II or III. I had a great time don't get me wrong, and the people are totally nice! I love the people there, they are amazing, but it just seems that if they would clean it up a bit it would be a slice of heaven instead of just a working land fill.

Here are some random left over pics I liked...

And I can tell by the enthusiasm that maybe the brass rail isn't the best place for anyone to if you want to have a post Christmas, pre-new years cocktail, lets go back to Mickys!!

Mickey's Irish Pub
(816) 455-6868
420 NW Englewood

4:30pm December 29th

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


While I'm away...

Since I have to get up and O dark30 tomorrow morning and fly to the Bahamas for 5 days for work. I want everyone to plan on meeting me for a drink at The Brass Rail off of 152 and Brighton December 29th...yes it is a Saturday, and a good time to start drinking before the New year kicks in. So in bullet points;

The Brass Rail
Saturday 29th
4:30-??(Yes I like to start early)
Why...I have no reason, besides to get lit and chat about the weather or politics or gun control...( I figure if I throw that in at least XO will show up!!)

See you soon so we can discuss my new MAN TAN not from a can!!

A little something to remember me by Just in case I get shot down flying commercial over Miami.

Monday, December 10, 2007


Cocks and Where to put them...

Well it looks like the Kansas Right*EDIT* Middle has their cocks in everything that they shouldn't, like AG Paul Morrison's cock in a womans vagina....other then his wifes.

The Kansas City Chefs have their cocks in the asses of all chef fans, not to mention the tax base of Jackson County. I really wish they move that pile of shit team to Johnson county and get those stinking rich, piles of monkey spunk to kick down some cash.

My ILLEGAL Immigrant neighbor Is ass fucking the HOLE neighborhood because his muffler fell off last Thursday and naturally his full time job working the window at Micky D's doesn't allow him the luxury of fixing it before spring thaw, so when he is on the way to make the Egg McShit sandwiches, at 0:myfuckinggoditistooearly, in the morning I get a nice gentle wake up rattle and clang , that almost moves my big ass to reach for my .357 and return fire.

I almost put the cock of my Explorer up the ass of some asshole in a Caddy from Indiana because he thought it best to come to a complete stop at a green light before turning right onto an empty street. GO HOME!! And when you get there learn to drive!

Another fucking cock in the ass shooting in Colorado has more goddamned people dead, and I'm sure that we'll get more spew from the anti-gun advocates, instead of the anti-nut job advocates. Where the hell are the Pro 53rd term abortion advocates? I say we should be allowed to revoke anyone's birthday if they spawn a demented killer....anyone else? Like for instance if I was to say ..Turn Evil, and kill a truck load of nuns with a T-Square and some silly putty (What? I got McGuyver like skills with the death yo!), and that was just heinous enough to get a country full of people to want to kill me...well then you can kill my parents as well.

NOW That sounds like a solid plan for population control as well as welfare reform. Not to mention Border control and it would certainly keep those pesky Canadians in the fuzzy hat of America (No Offense know I love you...and Jan too...she knows who she is).

When is Mother Nature going to put her big strap on into the ass of the human race and shakes us off this fucking rock? That is what I'm REALLY waiting for...NATURAL disasters so big that even the religious fanatics will be saying "Holy shit...this isn't what was supposed to happen...this is way to big," like what if all of the mountains on the face of the planet decided to invert!! that would be a big mess, no? Then all of the people would just slide into the crevasses and in a million years or so we would be oil.

All I know is that I hope to get a good mid winter sun burn when I'm in the Bahamas later this week doing an install for my day job. Wish me luck on that happy freaking experience.

Thursday, December 06, 2007


Omaha Morons and the people who blame everyone else

So I'm watching the TV this morning because well I like to think that the magic Gnomes inside the box are talking to me personally, and I see that once again some knucklehead has decided to kill a bunch of people before killing himself.

Again it shows the stupidity of the gunman...shoot yourself first and THEN the crowd.

But what has pissed me off the most this morning is the stupid talking heads on the news. Now I watch Fox because it is the most entertaining and I like looking at Lauren Halifax...I liked her in short hair more, but that was...never mind, I think she is hot, end of story. But these stupid cockmonkeys start the story with "The killers hard life may be to blame for this massacre".


That is such a crock a shit blaming the fucking kids home life or environment for a fucking killing spree. This pile of shit Hawkins was nothing more then a douche bag what had a gun and thought it would be fun to fuck up the lives of an entire CITY!

He is not a product of his environment, he is ...was a psycho, who lived on one bad life decision after another. Kicked out of his house...doing drugs, lost his girlfriend..who knows he is 19 that shit happens, fired from Micky D's for much fucking dumber can you get??!!!

If this is the case for why he shot people, then I am going home and getting my guns...all 15 of them, and I'm headed to the plaza!! My home life was WAAY more unsatisfying as that jerkoff. I can't even count the number of times I have been kicked to the curb by some broad, or my parents were angry with me, or all the time I spent in jail for stupid shit...ok that wasn't that much a couple of overnighters and one 20 day stretch at the work farm, but still, You don't see anyone else with that ticky tack kind of bullshit shooting people.

Fuck Homeless bums living under the over pass that beg for change, don't go on killing sprees and I saw one arguing with a cup o' noodles the other day and HE LOST!

So don't tell me that this waste of space was a product of a rough couple of weeks. He is dead, and out of the gene pool which is good.

My condolences to the immediate family members of those people he murdered, and to the city of Omaha who have to live with his decision to murder instead of moving on.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007


As geeky as you wanna be! YO!!

61% Geek

As most of you know I'm engaged. To Bouby. Yes "D" she is a Woman, so save it. Yesterday we got a call from the Father-in-law, and somehow the conversation turned to dress for the wedding. Now for the last 35 years I have always said when I got married it was going to be a casual affair and more then likely a big party with a "I Do" somewhere in the middle of it. I found a woman who agreed with that philosophy, Boub is all for it and we have planned it that way.

This was all thrown to the wolves yesterday because daddy in law "suggested" that we may want to dress up for the ceremony part, because her Grammy would want to see her like that, all dressed up in a dress and my sexy self in some sort of suit/tux. I waited until Bouby got off the phone and we were on the way to the record bar to help celebrate Greg's Birthday before I threw a conniption fit.

You see I don't understand why other people think they have any right to dictate how someone wants to get married, or divorced for that matter. We are both over 30, (Me WAAY over, into the next set of numbers actually)we aren't asking anyone to pay for any of this, we expect all of the guests to pay close attention to where we are registered, The Federal Reserve Bank, because we do have 2 households full of crap as it is, we don't need another toaster, or blender, or place settings...we want cash! Cold hard Cash...I want Bouby to walk around with a big hand bag ala The Godfather and let people fill it with little envelops filled with moola. And since we have all of this planned out naturally Grammy wants to fuck it up by adding the extra expense of a wedding dress and a tux, for the fucking wedding pictures.

It would be different if daddy-o was footing the bill, or if Grammy herself was kicking down some extra flava for the cause, but we aren't asking, don't need it, just sit back enjoy the party, have fun and hand us the tiny envelop overflowing with greenbacks. When did this day of all days become about what you wear, who you invite and what kind of place are you holding it in?

This is OUR day, NO ONE ELSE'S, and I know we need to keep her happy so the retarded Uncle doesn't get the inheritance...Which is quite large..(For Bouby, I don't give a crap about that Money doesn't trip my trigger like some folks). So it looks like I'll need a tux for 15 mins on the 12th of April....anyone got a size 52 athletic cut tux laying around?

Sunday, December 02, 2007


My unexplained absence..

Well I have been gone for the last 5 days because it was time for me to regroup and try and get my game face back. Work has been hard because of a consultant and his cryptic demands that make little to no sense. Hopefully that will all change.

But I did what I usually do this time of year and I went to visit my Dad and tried to kill some big assed deer.

I am 50-50 on what I needed to get accomplished. I did see my Dad and that was great. I didn't kill any deer. I am still really pissed off at that fact because I had a shot (pardon the pun) at a GINORMOUS buck that would have been the highlight of my deer hunting career. This mother fukker was easily 14 points, 320 lbs, and if you know anything about deer hunting it was around a 170-190 B/C class deer.

Here is why I was so mad.

I was out on poacher patrol, you know making sure that the cock smoking out of staters aren't trying to play stupid and hunting where ever they want and then pleading ignorance...which is why I had my .357 on my lap locked and loaded. But anywho, I was driving slow around the neighborhood when my phone rings, it was my dad asking where I was because there was a huge deer just off to the west by the house. I keep him talking as I slowly turn a nice leisurely drive around the section into a mad scramble, high speed, Dukes of Hazzard-esq race home.

I get the info from Daddy-O and I start looking for the buck...I don't see him, so I head back to the house to talk to Pops face to face. He tells e that he thinks the buck laid down at the edge of the field and that I should drive down to where I had been parking for the previous 3 days. So I do and I walk the edge of the field and I see nothing, so I head back to the house, Pops meets me about 3/4ths the way home, and says " Why don't you go sit at the edge and I'll drive the 4 wheeler through the weeds and see if we can't scare up that deer or possibly anyone else that may be in there.

So I agree that may be a pretty good idea and I turn around and head back. After I get parked, my rifle in hand I start walking the fence line. I was scanning the terrain and looking for a good place where I thought that, if I was a deer that would be the best place to cross, I see a spot where the old fence was down and there was a small clearing near there and I was convinced that was where a full herd of deer would run out from. There was also a grouping of three trees that would be perfect for me use as an impromptu blind, and I headed for it.

This is where I would think back and tell my elf that I was a complete fucking retard-asauras.

As I make my way to the trees, and start to wedge my big ass into position and in doing so I trim off a large (baseball bat) sized dead branch. Something moved out of the corner of my eye....I look up and see the monster not 20 feet away from me bedded down in some tall weeds. Before I could get my gun up he was motoring. I step back out into the field and wait for him to it open ground where I just know he'll be hanging on my wall soon,

That big bastard hit the open ground at mach 3 and all I saw in my scope was a brown fuzzy blur, I shot, cycled the bolt and looked for him again. My scope is a 3X9 variable Weaver, it is an exceptional scope, I like it, however when you are making a short range shot you don't want it on the 9X power setting because you don't really see your see fuzzy brown, and if it is doing Mach 3, you have exactly .0025 seconds to shoot....I am not that good. So I tried for the second shot and again no good, and then I shot a third time in sheer anger hoping that I could trust fate to not let me down.

The bitch did let me down,,, I missed.

So again, 2 out of three years deer 2 Nightmare 1.

The next day my cousin / Hunting guide decided to take me out in a storm and walk the creek (he says crik). Turns out that wearing a camo snow suit and marching in unseasonably hot weather for 12.5 miles through a Vietnam style jungle while carrying a 12 lb rifle, is a really REALLY stupid Idea. I'm still exhausted. and my knee ( you know the one with no cartilage, has swollen up the size of a volley ball.

Good times....goood times.