Friday, February 29, 2008
OMG!!
The Guest Post
Every once in a while a friend of mine who doesn't blog but reads everyones spewing like a deranged squirrel looking for that last nut before winter sets in.
Well getting on to the point, he sent me an email yesterday and I asked if I could post it in it's entirety, and he agreed. BUT before I do that there is but one thing to mention, I don't think that Tony and My relationship is anymore then a online game of "The Dozens". White people, ask your black friends what that is if you don't know. We are just having a good time that some may see as angry and close to blows (no homo). It isn't like that for me and I hope Tony sees it the same way...and if not well read on bitch!
Hey,
Kind of killing some time here and had several random thoughts about your recent posts and the world in general. Which means you are the lucky soul who has been chosen to endure my mental purge. (Yeah, I know the grammar checker had a field day with that one, and is kinda wrong given what I say below. But read on.)
First, ignore TKC. I have heard references to him on the radio for a couple years. I think I even heard him speak a couple times. He sounds like a late 20’s nerd who has slightly overestimated his importance. Then about a month ago I decided to visit his site. WTF! This is what all the fuss is about???!!! If this is Kansas City’s shining city on the blogging hill, We should all unplug our computers, get rid of our cell phones, ipods - anything digital in fact, because technology will lead us nowhere. His site has all the charm and allure of a twerp of a sophomore who got thrown off the school newspaper staff because he sprayed graffiti on the outfield fence of the ball diamond, then tries to show people he was way too cool for the bunch of fools at the school paper. (That was in NO way biographical.) And, what’s with the sprinkling of girlie pictures. Great mix, snide comments about local people and events and pictures of not quite pin-up girls. This guy’s life has a title: Less Than Zero. Ignore him. **EDIT...Premeditation**
I really like the DXM Blog. The best thing about him is he writes in real sentences, and uses proper grammar and spelling. The only thing I learned from the TA in speech 101, the one with the round ass, firm little tits and horrible complexion, was - everything is communication. If you have a message and you want to convey it, you have a much better chance of doing so if your audience doesn’t have to decipher the message through bad grammar and atrocious spelling. Logical thought is another issue. (This should be the basic argument against Ebonics and Hispanic instruction for Hispanic children in American schools. Don’t get me started on locally produced TV and radio spots.) I once tried to read a book about Will Rodgers. The authors were little more than editors. They offered commentary and grouped his columns, speeches and jokes together, and off you went. Bad thing is Will wasn’t well schooled, and apparently his editors at the time let his stuff run the way it came off his typewriter. After about 100 pages I could no longer endure “yer”, “fer” and the rest of his vast array of alternative spellings. Love the way the man thought, but each slip was like a karate chop to the windpipe.
Which brings me to a current trend that makes me sad; we are watching the death of “you are” and its half brother “you’re” particularly in the spoken word. Both are being pushed aside for their bastard step cousin “your.” My fourth grade teacher is still alive, bless her nearly 95 year old heart, or I am sure she would be spinning in her grave.
But back to DXM. I haven’t wandered too far in, so I haven’t found much of his self proclaimed leftward political leanings. He claims he didn’t drink the CNN koolaid, but he certainly drank from the well. I think this guy needs to move to fly-over country and get a job that does not involve media. He would learn a thing or two.
I experienced something very similar to my TKC experience with the Daily Kos. I checked there a year ago or so and it was one continuous page of tooting their own horn. Never been back. Don’t care to venture onto Huffinton Post. I’ve seen her on TV a couple times. She is a cross between Zsa Zsa Gabor and Teresa Heinz-Kerry. A former Eastern Block wench with a bitter attitude and a bucket of bleach. That woman hasn’t had an intelligent thought her entire life.
Well, I need to get back to making some money for the man. (For those of you who think we need to tax the snot out of the rich, have you ever been given a job by a poor man?)
GBBS,
**DELETED**
Well getting on to the point, he sent me an email yesterday and I asked if I could post it in it's entirety, and he agreed. BUT before I do that there is but one thing to mention, I don't think that Tony and My relationship is anymore then a online game of "The Dozens". White people, ask your black friends what that is if you don't know. We are just having a good time that some may see as angry and close to blows (no homo). It isn't like that for me and I hope Tony sees it the same way...and if not well read on bitch!
Hey,
Kind of killing some time here and had several random thoughts about your recent posts and the world in general. Which means you are the lucky soul who has been chosen to endure my mental purge. (Yeah, I know the grammar checker had a field day with that one, and is kinda wrong given what I say below. But read on.)
First, ignore TKC. I have heard references to him on the radio for a couple years. I think I even heard him speak a couple times. He sounds like a late 20’s nerd who has slightly overestimated his importance. Then about a month ago I decided to visit his site. WTF! This is what all the fuss is about???!!! If this is Kansas City’s shining city on the blogging hill, We should all unplug our computers, get rid of our cell phones, ipods - anything digital in fact, because technology will lead us nowhere. His site has all the charm and allure of a twerp of a sophomore who got thrown off the school newspaper staff because he sprayed graffiti on the outfield fence of the ball diamond, then tries to show people he was way too cool for the bunch of fools at the school paper. (That was in NO way biographical.) And, what’s with the sprinkling of girlie pictures. Great mix, snide comments about local people and events and pictures of not quite pin-up girls. This guy’s life has a title: Less Than Zero. Ignore him. **EDIT...Premeditation**
I really like the DXM Blog. The best thing about him is he writes in real sentences, and uses proper grammar and spelling. The only thing I learned from the TA in speech 101, the one with the round ass, firm little tits and horrible complexion, was - everything is communication. If you have a message and you want to convey it, you have a much better chance of doing so if your audience doesn’t have to decipher the message through bad grammar and atrocious spelling. Logical thought is another issue. (This should be the basic argument against Ebonics and Hispanic instruction for Hispanic children in American schools. Don’t get me started on locally produced TV and radio spots.) I once tried to read a book about Will Rodgers. The authors were little more than editors. They offered commentary and grouped his columns, speeches and jokes together, and off you went. Bad thing is Will wasn’t well schooled, and apparently his editors at the time let his stuff run the way it came off his typewriter. After about 100 pages I could no longer endure “yer”, “fer” and the rest of his vast array of alternative spellings. Love the way the man thought, but each slip was like a karate chop to the windpipe.
Which brings me to a current trend that makes me sad; we are watching the death of “you are” and its half brother “you’re” particularly in the spoken word. Both are being pushed aside for their bastard step cousin “your.” My fourth grade teacher is still alive, bless her nearly 95 year old heart, or I am sure she would be spinning in her grave.
But back to DXM. I haven’t wandered too far in, so I haven’t found much of his self proclaimed leftward political leanings. He claims he didn’t drink the CNN koolaid, but he certainly drank from the well. I think this guy needs to move to fly-over country and get a job that does not involve media. He would learn a thing or two.
I experienced something very similar to my TKC experience with the Daily Kos. I checked there a year ago or so and it was one continuous page of tooting their own horn. Never been back. Don’t care to venture onto Huffinton Post. I’ve seen her on TV a couple times. She is a cross between Zsa Zsa Gabor and Teresa Heinz-Kerry. A former Eastern Block wench with a bitter attitude and a bucket of bleach. That woman hasn’t had an intelligent thought her entire life.
Well, I need to get back to making some money for the man. (For those of you who think we need to tax the snot out of the rich, have you ever been given a job by a poor man?)
GBBS,
**DELETED**
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
This week.....
Something cool happened this last week and no one noticed. 18,000 college kids protested on 125 college campuses and no one reported it...wonder why?
Across the United States, thousands of college students are preparing to send their administrators a clear message: that a so-called "gun-free zone" only puts college students and faculty at risk of a madman.
Back in October, the first Empty Holster Protest took place on 125 college campuses. Organizers of the spring protest are hoping that the second protest will be even bigger.
The group Students for Concealed Carry put it this way: "While opponents may argue that guns have no place in institutions of higher learning, SCC contends that it is the rapes, the assaults, and the uncontested, execution-style massacres that have no place in America's colleges. The students of the Empty Holster Protest respectfully ask that steps be taken to take the advantage away from those who seek to harm the innocent."
It's high time we have this debate. But you can expect the gun-banners to treat these students with contempt. A few months ago, Peter Hamm of the Brady Campaign suggested that students who oppose these gun-free zones drop out of college rather than fight for what's right. Can you imagine the outrage that would have caused if Hamm had been talking about a student's right to free speech, rather than his right of self-defense?
These young adults have the facts on their side. A "No Guns Allowed" policy doesn't stop a cold-blooded killer. It only stops those who might be able and willing to fight back.
I am SOOO supporting this group of kids!
SCCC
Across the United States, thousands of college students are preparing to send their administrators a clear message: that a so-called "gun-free zone" only puts college students and faculty at risk of a madman.
Back in October, the first Empty Holster Protest took place on 125 college campuses. Organizers of the spring protest are hoping that the second protest will be even bigger.
The group Students for Concealed Carry put it this way: "While opponents may argue that guns have no place in institutions of higher learning, SCC contends that it is the rapes, the assaults, and the uncontested, execution-style massacres that have no place in America's colleges. The students of the Empty Holster Protest respectfully ask that steps be taken to take the advantage away from those who seek to harm the innocent."
It's high time we have this debate. But you can expect the gun-banners to treat these students with contempt. A few months ago, Peter Hamm of the Brady Campaign suggested that students who oppose these gun-free zones drop out of college rather than fight for what's right. Can you imagine the outrage that would have caused if Hamm had been talking about a student's right to free speech, rather than his right of self-defense?
These young adults have the facts on their side. A "No Guns Allowed" policy doesn't stop a cold-blooded killer. It only stops those who might be able and willing to fight back.
I am SOOO supporting this group of kids!
SCCC
Umm....Really?
**EDITED DUE TO MR.SADERS'COMMENT...original piece was muddy and not clear on my point. I apologize for the confusion on my stance, and I will continue to bloviate, or "to speak or write at length in a pompous or boastful manner." It is what I do best**
I was reading KC Blue this morning and he has a wonderfully naive post about some bullshit report made by The Public Policy Institute of California, where in it states that;
"The study finds that immigrants are far less likely than the average U.S.-born citizen to commit crime in California, the most populous state in the United States, according to a report issued late on Monday. In fact, the report also noted that U.S.-born adult men are incarcerated at a rate more than 2 1/2 times greater than that of foreign-born men."
Then it quotes the report; ""Our research indicates that limiting immigration, requiring higher educational levels to obtain visas, or spending more money to increase penalties against criminal immigrants will have little impact on public safety," said Kristin Butcher, co-author of the report and associate professor of economics at Wellesley College.""
In which I call BULLSHIT! The reason that they only found law abiding immigrants is because they only used research based on LEGAL immigrants. They did no research on the crime caused by Illegal Immigrants and if they did they would find most of the criminals that are on the run from US authorities are already back in Mexico or Ottawa (where we all know harbors 90% of the "bad" Canadians). Think about it.
If you were going to sneak into the States and lead a life of crime, when the trail got hot and you knew there was NO record of your life at all on American soil wouldn't you just walk back across the Rio and live as a wanted man in Mexico? It isn't like El Presidente Felipe Calderon, is going to help get you to justice. All he is looking to do is send over more illegals, to work and send that CASH home, so their economy doesn't collapse.
Blue goes on to state this from the report; "Among other findings in the report, non-citizen men from Mexico 18 to 40 -- a group disproportionately likely to have entered the United States illegally -- are more than eight times less likely than U.S.-born men in the same age group to be in a correctional institution (0.48 percent vs. 4.2 percent)."
Researcher from PPIC- "Excuse me illegal immigrant...may I ask you a question?
18-40 yr old Man in front of Home Depot-"Si"
PPIC- "are you here, in America, illegally?"
18-40 yr old Man in front of Home Depot-"Si"
PPIC-"are you a criminal?"
18-40 yr old Man in front of Home Depot-"no"
PPIC-"Thank you very much...no, I don't need a shed built, no my roof is fine...Oh but I would like some of your oranges...thank you"
That couldn't have happened in California could it? Where the hell DID they get their research? Was it in Folsom Prison? That is 99% Mexican, maybe if they went further North in California, they may have run into a slew of Illegals doing farm work....fuck I can give you their address I worked with them for 2 years. One guy I know was a murderer, the foreman told me so and so did he...it was broken English, and a little hard to understand but with the help of a visual aid in the form of a switchblade, really made me understand...if I got outta line I would get cut.
So regardless of what THAT report states, and the opinion of KC Blue, my original thought process, based on personal experience, still stands. We need more boarder control, a better system of screening and a shoot to fucking kill order for those who don't comply.
I have said it before and I will say it again, I AM OF IMMIGRANT STOCK! My people came here from Prussia, settled in Kansas 4 years before it was a fucking state and we have all of the documents to prove it. I have NOTHING against Immigrants, I just want them all to follow the fucking rules, like my family did 150 years ago. And before you chime in with the American Indian argument, well I got that fucking base covered too. My Grandma on my moms side was a member of the Winnebago tribe from Wisconsin.
I'm sure I will ignored once again and none of this will make major news headlines, but since my run for office isn't panning out so good...they won't even invite me to the fucking debates!! I figure I'll just stay here in my bunker and lob rocks at passing cars.
Thank you Mr. Sader for pointing out my muddy argument, but I think, hope that this may clear things up.
Oh and then there is this;
Blogger Meat Up and BB Game
Paddy O’Quigley’s
100 E 20th Street
Kansas City, MO
Wednesday 2/27
4pm to whenever
Karaoke at 9pm
I was reading KC Blue this morning and he has a wonderfully naive post about some bullshit report made by The Public Policy Institute of California, where in it states that;
"The study finds that immigrants are far less likely than the average U.S.-born citizen to commit crime in California, the most populous state in the United States, according to a report issued late on Monday. In fact, the report also noted that U.S.-born adult men are incarcerated at a rate more than 2 1/2 times greater than that of foreign-born men."
Then it quotes the report; ""Our research indicates that limiting immigration, requiring higher educational levels to obtain visas, or spending more money to increase penalties against criminal immigrants will have little impact on public safety," said Kristin Butcher, co-author of the report and associate professor of economics at Wellesley College.""
In which I call BULLSHIT! The reason that they only found law abiding immigrants is because they only used research based on LEGAL immigrants. They did no research on the crime caused by Illegal Immigrants and if they did they would find most of the criminals that are on the run from US authorities are already back in Mexico or Ottawa (where we all know harbors 90% of the "bad" Canadians). Think about it.
If you were going to sneak into the States and lead a life of crime, when the trail got hot and you knew there was NO record of your life at all on American soil wouldn't you just walk back across the Rio and live as a wanted man in Mexico? It isn't like El Presidente Felipe Calderon, is going to help get you to justice. All he is looking to do is send over more illegals, to work and send that CASH home, so their economy doesn't collapse.
Blue goes on to state this from the report; "Among other findings in the report, non-citizen men from Mexico 18 to 40 -- a group disproportionately likely to have entered the United States illegally -- are more than eight times less likely than U.S.-born men in the same age group to be in a correctional institution (0.48 percent vs. 4.2 percent)."
Researcher from PPIC- "Excuse me illegal immigrant...may I ask you a question?
18-40 yr old Man in front of Home Depot-"Si"
PPIC- "are you here, in America, illegally?"
18-40 yr old Man in front of Home Depot-"Si"
PPIC-"are you a criminal?"
18-40 yr old Man in front of Home Depot-"no"
PPIC-"Thank you very much...no, I don't need a shed built, no my roof is fine...Oh but I would like some of your oranges...thank you"
That couldn't have happened in California could it? Where the hell DID they get their research? Was it in Folsom Prison? That is 99% Mexican, maybe if they went further North in California, they may have run into a slew of Illegals doing farm work....fuck I can give you their address I worked with them for 2 years. One guy I know was a murderer, the foreman told me so and so did he...it was broken English, and a little hard to understand but with the help of a visual aid in the form of a switchblade, really made me understand...if I got outta line I would get cut.
So regardless of what THAT report states, and the opinion of KC Blue, my original thought process, based on personal experience, still stands. We need more boarder control, a better system of screening and a shoot to fucking kill order for those who don't comply.
I have said it before and I will say it again, I AM OF IMMIGRANT STOCK! My people came here from Prussia, settled in Kansas 4 years before it was a fucking state and we have all of the documents to prove it. I have NOTHING against Immigrants, I just want them all to follow the fucking rules, like my family did 150 years ago. And before you chime in with the American Indian argument, well I got that fucking base covered too. My Grandma on my moms side was a member of the Winnebago tribe from Wisconsin.
I'm sure I will ignored once again and none of this will make major news headlines, but since my run for office isn't panning out so good...they won't even invite me to the fucking debates!! I figure I'll just stay here in my bunker and lob rocks at passing cars.
Thank you Mr. Sader for pointing out my muddy argument, but I think, hope that this may clear things up.
Oh and then there is this;
Blogger Meat Up and BB Game
Paddy O’Quigley’s
100 E 20th Street
Kansas City, MO
Wednesday 2/27
4pm to whenever
Karaoke at 9pm
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
What TKC aspires to be
As I sat here stumbling around in the interwebs, I stumbled into across this guy Chez I actually found this page first and was blown away by the writing as well as the topic. So enjoy and tell'em Nightmare sent ya!
Tony....Eat your heart out this Cat has TALENT!
Tony....Eat your heart out this Cat has TALENT!
Monday, February 25, 2008
C onversations wth Bouby
This was just said...
Nightmare-So you wanna go to bed yet?
Bouby-I need to let my dinner settle first.
NM-k well I may need you to stick your finger up my butt.
B-Ok I got some new lotion.
B- You know I'm not sticking my finger in your butt right?
NM- DAMN!
NM- Can I borrow you lotion?
B- **Spits soda across the room**
Any wonder why I'm marrying this broad?
Nightmare-So you wanna go to bed yet?
Bouby-I need to let my dinner settle first.
NM-k well I may need you to stick your finger up my butt.
B-Ok I got some new lotion.
B- You know I'm not sticking my finger in your butt right?
NM- DAMN!
NM- Can I borrow you lotion?
B- **Spits soda across the room**
Any wonder why I'm marrying this broad?
Home on the Range
Yesterday I went to the shooting range with a friend of mine because he just purchased his first AR-15. Notice I didn't say his first assault rifle, it is his 4th assault weapon. he also owns 2 AK-47's, and a mini 14, all in .223 caliber.
Why does one need so many weapons? Well he is one of the millions of people that are gearing up for the end of times. I don't judge him, I also don't think he is too far off. However we have a plan, he brings the arsenal, I provide the land. But nevertheless, we were at the range with fun new weapons to shoot.
First I shot one of his AK-47's, it was different then my deer rifle only in the fact that the trigger pull and open sights were WAY different then I'm used to. The AK has a trigger pull of about 6 lbs, and my deer rifle has a pull of about 4. There is also a trigger stroke difference. And if you don't know what that means, it is like having two different stick shift cars, and one of them clutches near the floor and the other one the clutch engages near the top of the clutch pedal. It isn't bad, it is just different.
Then I shot his AR-15.
I now know why the American military chooses this weapon for their carry gun of choice. Wow! what A difference. With the muzzle compensator (It is the cool thing filled with holes at the business end of the barrel that allows the gas to be forced back at the shooter so that there is more noise but CONSIDERABLY less muzzle jump, which means you keep it on target easier) It was SWEET! had the same trigger difference as the AK, but WOW what a smooth firing, easy to shoot and great looking weapon. If I was to buy one I would need to get a longer stock though, my orangutan arms need a little more distance to the trigger.
I brought to the party my .357 scoped hunting pistol. But as we found out at the gun shop, my scope bell was resting on the scope rail causing shadowing and I needed to buy new scope rings. They made all of the difference, however I now need to re-sight the damn thing in and who knows when I'll have the time. I guess I'll have to swap out the cannon, for the .45 for under my pillow.
While we were up at the range, I was delightfully surprised at the number of women there who were shooting and shooting better then either I or my Man date could. Not to mention the 60+ year old broad who was at the gun shop .38 snub nose in hand and waiting on the target of the day and some groovy instruction. And I'm not trying to be sexist and I hope I don't come off that way, hell until I was 21 my Mom could out shoot me when we all went hunting, and it had nothing to do with me getting better it had everything to do with her eyesight getting worse. My Aunt, Mom's sister, still the best shot in 3 counties. But I think it is great that there are more and more women that are taking self defense to the next level. It is one thing to be prepared for an attacker and know the keys to the eyes trick and the stomp on the instep move...it is completely different when that women says, "I will not be a victim, nor will I allow this predator to victimize anyone else either" and she is packing heat. I applaud that!
I know too many women who have been victimized and have told me that had they knew how to use a gun and they carried one, there would be one less scum ball on the streets or in our prison system.
Besides chicks with guns are HOT!
Why does one need so many weapons? Well he is one of the millions of people that are gearing up for the end of times. I don't judge him, I also don't think he is too far off. However we have a plan, he brings the arsenal, I provide the land. But nevertheless, we were at the range with fun new weapons to shoot.
First I shot one of his AK-47's, it was different then my deer rifle only in the fact that the trigger pull and open sights were WAY different then I'm used to. The AK has a trigger pull of about 6 lbs, and my deer rifle has a pull of about 4. There is also a trigger stroke difference. And if you don't know what that means, it is like having two different stick shift cars, and one of them clutches near the floor and the other one the clutch engages near the top of the clutch pedal. It isn't bad, it is just different.
Then I shot his AR-15.
I now know why the American military chooses this weapon for their carry gun of choice. Wow! what A difference. With the muzzle compensator (It is the cool thing filled with holes at the business end of the barrel that allows the gas to be forced back at the shooter so that there is more noise but CONSIDERABLY less muzzle jump, which means you keep it on target easier) It was SWEET! had the same trigger difference as the AK, but WOW what a smooth firing, easy to shoot and great looking weapon. If I was to buy one I would need to get a longer stock though, my orangutan arms need a little more distance to the trigger.
I brought to the party my .357 scoped hunting pistol. But as we found out at the gun shop, my scope bell was resting on the scope rail causing shadowing and I needed to buy new scope rings. They made all of the difference, however I now need to re-sight the damn thing in and who knows when I'll have the time. I guess I'll have to swap out the cannon, for the .45 for under my pillow.
While we were up at the range, I was delightfully surprised at the number of women there who were shooting and shooting better then either I or my Man date could. Not to mention the 60+ year old broad who was at the gun shop .38 snub nose in hand and waiting on the target of the day and some groovy instruction. And I'm not trying to be sexist and I hope I don't come off that way, hell until I was 21 my Mom could out shoot me when we all went hunting, and it had nothing to do with me getting better it had everything to do with her eyesight getting worse. My Aunt, Mom's sister, still the best shot in 3 counties. But I think it is great that there are more and more women that are taking self defense to the next level. It is one thing to be prepared for an attacker and know the keys to the eyes trick and the stomp on the instep move...it is completely different when that women says, "I will not be a victim, nor will I allow this predator to victimize anyone else either" and she is packing heat. I applaud that!
I know too many women who have been victimized and have told me that had they knew how to use a gun and they carried one, there would be one less scum ball on the streets or in our prison system.
Besides chicks with guns are HOT!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Someone got it right...
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Shhh...I have a secret....
Secrets for Success and Inner Peace
The First Secret:
Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.
The Second Secret:
Don’t die with your music still in you.
The Third Secret:
You can’t give away what you don’t have.
The Forth Secret:
Embrace silence.
The Fifth Secret:
Give up your personal history.
The Six Secret:
You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.
The Seventh Secret:
There are no justified resentments.
The Eighth Secret:
Treat yourself as if you already are what you’d like to be.
The Ninth Secret:
Treasure your Divinity.
The Tenth Secret:
Wisdom is avoiding all thoughts that weaken you.
The First Secret:
Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.
The Second Secret:
Don’t die with your music still in you.
The Third Secret:
You can’t give away what you don’t have.
The Forth Secret:
Embrace silence.
The Fifth Secret:
Give up your personal history.
The Six Secret:
You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.
The Seventh Secret:
There are no justified resentments.
The Eighth Secret:
Treat yourself as if you already are what you’d like to be.
The Ninth Secret:
Treasure your Divinity.
The Tenth Secret:
Wisdom is avoiding all thoughts that weaken you.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
How Gross can you get?
Ok So we were just eating dinner, I had Serlion tips with Red onion, sun dried tomatoes, black beans, and garlic, Bouby had Sketti. When on the TV came a commercial for "The PedEgg".
Has anyone else seen this fucking atrocity? it is a cheese grater for your feet.
And they show the damn thing opens and empties with ease, AS THEY DUMP DEAD FEET SKIN OUT OF IT!!
Jesus, where is the home colonoscopy commercial? Or the how to video for proper insertion technique for suppositories? Because I'm pretty sure that those two thing would be the only thing worse then a cheese grater full of dead foot skin.
see for yourself!
GROSS MACHINE
Has anyone else seen this fucking atrocity? it is a cheese grater for your feet.
And they show the damn thing opens and empties with ease, AS THEY DUMP DEAD FEET SKIN OUT OF IT!!
Jesus, where is the home colonoscopy commercial? Or the how to video for proper insertion technique for suppositories? Because I'm pretty sure that those two thing would be the only thing worse then a cheese grater full of dead foot skin.
see for yourself!
GROSS MACHINE
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Nip/Tuck...
Are you fucking kidding me?
I know that is just going to far...
Who the fuck is writing this shit?
This was an actual conversation last night with Bouby and I. We love the F/X shows and up until last night, totally LOVED Nip/Tuck. It was edgy, it was sexy it had humor and drama and it wasn't the least bit soap opera-ish. Yes, the plot was a little campy at times, but so is real life.
BUT Last night HOLY DIVER that stupid bitch Jennifer Salt (the writer) put EVERY SINGLE SOAP OPERA CLICHE IN THE HISTORY OF SOAPS!
Here is what we saw...for those of you who don't care...have a nice weekend.
1. Previously unknown child's MOTHER shows up has lost both legs to diabetes. (Had a fling with christen troy the lead ass pipe plastic surgeon)
2. Tells Christen that THEIR kids are having INCEST (her daughter his son who are now 1/2 siblings...didn't know it at first..found out, kept fucking)
3. Dr. Sean McNammara's Psycho ex-agent was a pretender, and not really an agent, restraining order placed, not really working.
4.Teen aged girl shoots mom's girlfriend( Sean's wife, Julia) in the face. Julia was married to Sean, but had a son (the sister humper) with Christen who is Sean's best friend. She is currently trying to be a lesbian with Portia de-Rossi (then again who wouldn't do that?)
5. The psycho agent, has killed a real agent and then stuffed him with teddy bear stuffing and kept him on ice for 3 months. Puts the teddy corpse in Sean's closet, after he finally presses full charges to get her arrested and put in a psych ward. Too little too late.
6. Julia who was shot in the head, has made a semi recovery, and is in the hospital with AMNESIA! So she can't tell the cops that her girlfriend's kid shot her in the head.
7. The entire episode Sean has been running from the paparazzi and it all comes to a head when Christen is driving Sean's daughter to get lunch and the paparazzi swag the car trying to get pictures of Sean's daughter, and they get T-boned in the intersection. Neither Christen nor Sean's daughter is hurt, but the girl needs some plastic surgery...daddy does it no problems...
8. EXCEPT the psycho ex-agent who has escaped the capture of Southern California's finest, AND the FBI somehow gets past the elaborate security system and walks into the operating theater, just as Sean sends his nurse out to get gauze and tape to bandage the daughters head and stabs Sean repeatedly in the back with a 15" chef's knife...end scene.
ALL in one episode...I mean is it fucking sweeps week?
So here is a letter to Ms. Jennifer Salt Writer of Episode #514 "Candy Richards"
Dear Ms. Salt,
Eat a bag of shit you suck.
Love,
Nightmare
PS; Hated you as Eunice Tate-Leitner in "Soap"
I know that is just going to far...
Who the fuck is writing this shit?
This was an actual conversation last night with Bouby and I. We love the F/X shows and up until last night, totally LOVED Nip/Tuck. It was edgy, it was sexy it had humor and drama and it wasn't the least bit soap opera-ish. Yes, the plot was a little campy at times, but so is real life.
BUT Last night HOLY DIVER that stupid bitch Jennifer Salt (the writer) put EVERY SINGLE SOAP OPERA CLICHE IN THE HISTORY OF SOAPS!
Here is what we saw...for those of you who don't care...have a nice weekend.
1. Previously unknown child's MOTHER shows up has lost both legs to diabetes. (Had a fling with christen troy the lead ass pipe plastic surgeon)
2. Tells Christen that THEIR kids are having INCEST (her daughter his son who are now 1/2 siblings...didn't know it at first..found out, kept fucking)
3. Dr. Sean McNammara's Psycho ex-agent was a pretender, and not really an agent, restraining order placed, not really working.
4.Teen aged girl shoots mom's girlfriend( Sean's wife, Julia) in the face. Julia was married to Sean, but had a son (the sister humper) with Christen who is Sean's best friend. She is currently trying to be a lesbian with Portia de-Rossi (then again who wouldn't do that?)
5. The psycho agent, has killed a real agent and then stuffed him with teddy bear stuffing and kept him on ice for 3 months. Puts the teddy corpse in Sean's closet, after he finally presses full charges to get her arrested and put in a psych ward. Too little too late.
6. Julia who was shot in the head, has made a semi recovery, and is in the hospital with AMNESIA! So she can't tell the cops that her girlfriend's kid shot her in the head.
7. The entire episode Sean has been running from the paparazzi and it all comes to a head when Christen is driving Sean's daughter to get lunch and the paparazzi swag the car trying to get pictures of Sean's daughter, and they get T-boned in the intersection. Neither Christen nor Sean's daughter is hurt, but the girl needs some plastic surgery...daddy does it no problems...
8. EXCEPT the psycho ex-agent who has escaped the capture of Southern California's finest, AND the FBI somehow gets past the elaborate security system and walks into the operating theater, just as Sean sends his nurse out to get gauze and tape to bandage the daughters head and stabs Sean repeatedly in the back with a 15" chef's knife...end scene.
ALL in one episode...I mean is it fucking sweeps week?
So here is a letter to Ms. Jennifer Salt Writer of Episode #514 "Candy Richards"
Dear Ms. Salt,
Eat a bag of shit you suck.
Love,
Nightmare
PS; Hated you as Eunice Tate-Leitner in "Soap"
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Fucking Mechanics...
Free oil change?
Yeah that is what the card says.
Well I tried that place once and it requires an appointment.
So call and get one it is a free oil change.
Ok I'll do that.
*ring* *ring*
Thank you for calling Meineke this is *******, how can I help you?
I need an appointment for an oil change.
Well we are pretty busy, I don't have anything open until Monday.
I'll take it.
See you at 4:30
Since I knew that if I got there early (much like a haircut) They may have time to squeeze me in. So I get there about 4:15, and naturally since I thought I was helping they picked this day to be behind schedule by 30 minutes. So I tell him I'll wait.
As I'm waiting with a pair of people that really just make me fucking angry, the first is a talkative douchebag that feels the need to share his view point of every segment of every case on Judge Judy, which by the way was the only channel they get at this store of stores. It is the only one that comes in on their RABBIT EARS. I shit you not he is going to be without TV at this time next year when the world goes digital.
And the second one is a girl, who is easily 320 lbs, and 5 feet tall, who is unemployed and raising a daughter, she is supported by her boyfriend, who it didn't sound like was actually the babies daddy.
Somewhere there were a couple of villages missing their idiots.
So I wait and read an old National Geographic, who some outstanding mother or father has let their toddler scribble all over it in green crayon, another shining example of parenthood.
And I wait.
***** Says, "Nightmare?"
Yes,
Your vehicle needs a LOT of work done to it.
Oh really? I reply...like what?
Well the air filter needs changed, it needs new plug wires, cap and rotor, transmission drained and flushed, power steering fluid drained and replaced, tires balanced and rotated.
Wait, Transmission flushed? How often does that need to happen?
Oh well that HAS to happen every 30,000 miles.
Really, well I'm pretty sure that I don't need THAT to happen...I just had that transmission rebuilt last year and to do that they need to drain and flush it. (So now I'm pretty leery about the rest of the work that ***** tells me that I NEED)
***** replys; Well I'll have them take another look at that and make sure that they haven't made a mistake.
Yeah that is an excellent idea. But you are right my tires need to be rotated. So I wait with the two miscreants, and I sit painfully waiting for the news to come on because one can only take so much trailer park gossip. ***** comes back in and this is what he tells me.
"There are 4 basic fluids that the guys check and sometimes...SOMETIMES, they will check one or two and then make a blanket statement regarding the other 2-3"
So they don't always check all of the fluid levels? Or if they REALLY need to be replaced?
"Sometimes, they don't do it right"
Well I feel much better about my free oil change at one of the more respected places to have work on your car done. I see that my car is brought around, and I take my keys and leave. I get about a block away from the repair shop and I notice that my hood is unlatched.
WHAT THE FUCK, OVER?
So I quickly dial the Meineke number, and inform ***** that his douchebag mechanics have left the hood of my vehicle UNLATCHED and that they need to make a better effort at customer service...***** agrees with me.
I get to a place to where I can pull over and I get out to shut my hood....seems simple enough, yet it isn't.
It seems as though the fucksticks in charge of oil changes have made it impossible to shut my hood. I call ***** back and inform him that no one gets to go home until my shit is fixed. He agrees and I head BACK to the shop.
Once I get there I see him run to the back and and shortly one of the ugliest grease monkeys I have ever seen comes out and says he was the guy working on my car and he thinks he knows what happened.
"See I think I reset your hood latch because I couldn't find the release"
WHAT?? You fucking bent my hood to open it?
"OH No I didn't damage it...could you get it in pull the release lever again?
If it wasn't for his little helper standing right there covered in grease I would have made them do it, but who needs to spend all week cleaning extraneous oil off of ones leather seats?
So I reach in pull the lever and he resets the latch, shuts the hood and it sounds just like it did when I opened it last week.
So if I was a smart man, which I think I am, I would avoid the Meineke car repair shop . I don't want to tell you exactly which one, they do have my name and address, but I can safely say that as a first impression, THOSE guys get a big fat fucking F for customer satisfaction, and an A for the effort to get me to spend 100's more dollars on miscellaneous "necessary" repairs.
Fuck off ***** and George Foreman for being a spokesman for this chop shop.
HOWEVER I did order my wedding shoes from Zappos, and they came in yesterday and THEY FUCKING ROCK!! here is a picture...
That's right kiddys, Nightmare will be sporting a pair of Leather Chucks to walk down the aisle in! They kick more ass then Chuck Norris!
I know you're all Jealous!
Yeah that is what the card says.
Well I tried that place once and it requires an appointment.
So call and get one it is a free oil change.
Ok I'll do that.
*ring* *ring*
Thank you for calling Meineke this is *******, how can I help you?
I need an appointment for an oil change.
Well we are pretty busy, I don't have anything open until Monday.
I'll take it.
See you at 4:30
Since I knew that if I got there early (much like a haircut) They may have time to squeeze me in. So I get there about 4:15, and naturally since I thought I was helping they picked this day to be behind schedule by 30 minutes. So I tell him I'll wait.
As I'm waiting with a pair of people that really just make me fucking angry, the first is a talkative douchebag that feels the need to share his view point of every segment of every case on Judge Judy, which by the way was the only channel they get at this store of stores. It is the only one that comes in on their RABBIT EARS. I shit you not he is going to be without TV at this time next year when the world goes digital.
And the second one is a girl, who is easily 320 lbs, and 5 feet tall, who is unemployed and raising a daughter, she is supported by her boyfriend, who it didn't sound like was actually the babies daddy.
Somewhere there were a couple of villages missing their idiots.
So I wait and read an old National Geographic, who some outstanding mother or father has let their toddler scribble all over it in green crayon, another shining example of parenthood.
And I wait.
***** Says, "Nightmare?"
Yes,
Your vehicle needs a LOT of work done to it.
Oh really? I reply...like what?
Well the air filter needs changed, it needs new plug wires, cap and rotor, transmission drained and flushed, power steering fluid drained and replaced, tires balanced and rotated.
Wait, Transmission flushed? How often does that need to happen?
Oh well that HAS to happen every 30,000 miles.
Really, well I'm pretty sure that I don't need THAT to happen...I just had that transmission rebuilt last year and to do that they need to drain and flush it. (So now I'm pretty leery about the rest of the work that ***** tells me that I NEED)
***** replys; Well I'll have them take another look at that and make sure that they haven't made a mistake.
Yeah that is an excellent idea. But you are right my tires need to be rotated. So I wait with the two miscreants, and I sit painfully waiting for the news to come on because one can only take so much trailer park gossip. ***** comes back in and this is what he tells me.
"There are 4 basic fluids that the guys check and sometimes...SOMETIMES, they will check one or two and then make a blanket statement regarding the other 2-3"
So they don't always check all of the fluid levels? Or if they REALLY need to be replaced?
"Sometimes, they don't do it right"
Well I feel much better about my free oil change at one of the more respected places to have work on your car done. I see that my car is brought around, and I take my keys and leave. I get about a block away from the repair shop and I notice that my hood is unlatched.
WHAT THE FUCK, OVER?
So I quickly dial the Meineke number, and inform ***** that his douchebag mechanics have left the hood of my vehicle UNLATCHED and that they need to make a better effort at customer service...***** agrees with me.
I get to a place to where I can pull over and I get out to shut my hood....seems simple enough, yet it isn't.
It seems as though the fucksticks in charge of oil changes have made it impossible to shut my hood. I call ***** back and inform him that no one gets to go home until my shit is fixed. He agrees and I head BACK to the shop.
Once I get there I see him run to the back and and shortly one of the ugliest grease monkeys I have ever seen comes out and says he was the guy working on my car and he thinks he knows what happened.
"See I think I reset your hood latch because I couldn't find the release"
WHAT?? You fucking bent my hood to open it?
"OH No I didn't damage it...could you get it in pull the release lever again?
If it wasn't for his little helper standing right there covered in grease I would have made them do it, but who needs to spend all week cleaning extraneous oil off of ones leather seats?
So I reach in pull the lever and he resets the latch, shuts the hood and it sounds just like it did when I opened it last week.
So if I was a smart man, which I think I am, I would avoid the Meineke car repair shop . I don't want to tell you exactly which one, they do have my name and address, but I can safely say that as a first impression, THOSE guys get a big fat fucking F for customer satisfaction, and an A for the effort to get me to spend 100's more dollars on miscellaneous "necessary" repairs.
Fuck off ***** and George Foreman for being a spokesman for this chop shop.
HOWEVER I did order my wedding shoes from Zappos, and they came in yesterday and THEY FUCKING ROCK!! here is a picture...
That's right kiddys, Nightmare will be sporting a pair of Leather Chucks to walk down the aisle in! They kick more ass then Chuck Norris!
I know you're all Jealous!
Friday, February 15, 2008
How to FREAK people out in the drive thru!!!
The Girl at Sonic this morning thought I may be there to rob her.
Yeah, like I would rob a Sonic at 6am...should be all of 100 bucks in the register...Jeeze how dumb.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Explanations and questions....(Sub title) NASCAR and Pussy
Ok first an explanation or two...
If you haven't noticed there is a new button on my side bar right over there on the left...see it? No higher, not the picture you mooks, below it...see the TIP ME button, yeah well that is the new button. How it works is if you like what you read, and want to give me a tip you can click that button and leave me a .25. That quarter never sees my pocket, but after I get 5 bucks, I can collect it in the form a gift card (shape of a Ice penis)and donate it to my favorite charity. So the more I make you grin and the happier you are with my re-dumbness, and asshattery...the more money I can give to the starving frogs of New Zealand.
So use the tip jar and make the NKCJC folks a little bit of scratch...
As some of you, or maybe none of you know I have a Sirius Satellite radio....they are really pumping up the 50th running of Daytona 500.
That's right folks we have been watching rednecks drive in circles for 50 years. I know that NASCAR is HUGE sport for most of the population and I don't really understand . I can watch just as many douche nozzles and cock sucking door knobs drive in circles and wreck if I sit on any of the overpasses on the 435 loop around KC. And don't give me any shit about how it is different if you are at the track, it isn't it is still dumb assed rednecks driving left at break neck speeds while even dumber assed people sit in the sweltering sun and watch them do this cockamamy exercise. It just seems like there would more important things to do then drive in circles and hopefully not get killed doing it. Besides it is boring.
Now don't get me wrong I like watching a good race, I just don't want to watch the SAME race for 5 hours or longer. I enjoy going to the dirt track and watching the serious rednecks drive the modified stock cars, or the midget sprints, that shit is funny, and fun to watch.
What is the difference you ask? well I'll fucking tell ya!
If NASCAR would ditch the "one day extra long who fucking can stay drunk that long to pay attention to the race", races and do it my way, they would increase their fan base, and triple their income.
NASCAR needs to go back to the old school style of race management. You set it up to where you only have 5, maybe 10 cars on the track and you run 20 laps, with fewer cars you have fewer chances for wrecking and thus faster speeds. With faster speeds, you have quicker races and the opportunity to have more spectacular wrecks! Which is really why all of those fat assed rednecks are there to see anyway, they are very "Roman-esque" in that way. After that race is run, you have a little bit of time to get the next race ready, and you continue to race all day. Then you take the top 2 finishers from every race and put them in the finals, this is for all the marbles, and this way the little guys get an opportunity to advance to the finals you know the guys, you never see them on ESPN unless that have a funny name like "Dick Trickle".
So you race all day and still have one big race at the end, HOWEVER, it is comprised of just heat winners and the seconds. here is where the cool part comes in. If you did it this way, you would also time them and much like the Masters Golf tournys, that last 3 days, if you don't have the top 50 lap times that day you do not advance to the next day's events. This way you stretch it out top a three day even and not have a bunch of crap like IRL, or the Truck Series to fill in the gaps. You would still issue points to the winners and the point leaders would only have to race in the semi finals each night. If they win, they move on to the next semi final the following day, unless their lap time doesn't qualify them to do so. then on Sunday...or what ever day it falls on the winners of all the semi's race a 35 lap final race, and winner takes all. 3 days, 15-18 races, the DRIVERS would be tested not the cars, and more butts in the stands.
I count that as a win win win situation.
But really shouldn't we outlaw this kind of shit until we force them to race solar powered cars so they aren't polluting and sucking up all of the gas so it costs me 50 bucks to fill my tank up?
Happy Valentines day BOUBY!! I love you and want to stick my wiener in ya and wiggle it for a couple minutes!
Is there any question why she loves me? I'm a hopeless romantic!
If you haven't noticed there is a new button on my side bar right over there on the left...see it? No higher, not the picture you mooks, below it...see the TIP ME button, yeah well that is the new button. How it works is if you like what you read, and want to give me a tip you can click that button and leave me a .25. That quarter never sees my pocket, but after I get 5 bucks, I can collect it in the form a gift card (shape of a Ice penis)and donate it to my favorite charity. So the more I make you grin and the happier you are with my re-dumbness, and asshattery...the more money I can give to the starving frogs of New Zealand.
So use the tip jar and make the NKCJC folks a little bit of scratch...
As some of you, or maybe none of you know I have a Sirius Satellite radio....they are really pumping up the 50th running of Daytona 500.
That's right folks we have been watching rednecks drive in circles for 50 years. I know that NASCAR is HUGE sport for most of the population and I don't really understand . I can watch just as many douche nozzles and cock sucking door knobs drive in circles and wreck if I sit on any of the overpasses on the 435 loop around KC. And don't give me any shit about how it is different if you are at the track, it isn't it is still dumb assed rednecks driving left at break neck speeds while even dumber assed people sit in the sweltering sun and watch them do this cockamamy exercise. It just seems like there would more important things to do then drive in circles and hopefully not get killed doing it. Besides it is boring.
Now don't get me wrong I like watching a good race, I just don't want to watch the SAME race for 5 hours or longer. I enjoy going to the dirt track and watching the serious rednecks drive the modified stock cars, or the midget sprints, that shit is funny, and fun to watch.
What is the difference you ask? well I'll fucking tell ya!
If NASCAR would ditch the "one day extra long who fucking can stay drunk that long to pay attention to the race", races and do it my way, they would increase their fan base, and triple their income.
NASCAR needs to go back to the old school style of race management. You set it up to where you only have 5, maybe 10 cars on the track and you run 20 laps, with fewer cars you have fewer chances for wrecking and thus faster speeds. With faster speeds, you have quicker races and the opportunity to have more spectacular wrecks! Which is really why all of those fat assed rednecks are there to see anyway, they are very "Roman-esque" in that way. After that race is run, you have a little bit of time to get the next race ready, and you continue to race all day. Then you take the top 2 finishers from every race and put them in the finals, this is for all the marbles, and this way the little guys get an opportunity to advance to the finals you know the guys, you never see them on ESPN unless that have a funny name like "Dick Trickle".
So you race all day and still have one big race at the end, HOWEVER, it is comprised of just heat winners and the seconds. here is where the cool part comes in. If you did it this way, you would also time them and much like the Masters Golf tournys, that last 3 days, if you don't have the top 50 lap times that day you do not advance to the next day's events. This way you stretch it out top a three day even and not have a bunch of crap like IRL, or the Truck Series to fill in the gaps. You would still issue points to the winners and the point leaders would only have to race in the semi finals each night. If they win, they move on to the next semi final the following day, unless their lap time doesn't qualify them to do so. then on Sunday...or what ever day it falls on the winners of all the semi's race a 35 lap final race, and winner takes all. 3 days, 15-18 races, the DRIVERS would be tested not the cars, and more butts in the stands.
I count that as a win win win situation.
But really shouldn't we outlaw this kind of shit until we force them to race solar powered cars so they aren't polluting and sucking up all of the gas so it costs me 50 bucks to fill my tank up?
Happy Valentines day BOUBY!! I love you and want to stick my wiener in ya and wiggle it for a couple minutes!
Is there any question why she loves me? I'm a hopeless romantic!
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Thirty years...
I would have been 10 almost 11
Star Wars would have been out and making history.
The Hostages would be taken and released in Iran
Granada would have went down and the movie will last longer then the skirmish.
The War for oil will have taken place twice, under two different Bushes.
Reagan will have ended the cold war and Russia would become our friends and Allys.
There would be the invention of the Space Shuttle, the Challenger disaster, and cut backs to NASA.
The internet will become mainstream.
Remote controls, VCR's, CD's, DVD's, Dolby Stereo, AIDS, Blogging, 5 presidents, 9/11, Oklahoma City bombing, MTV, the down fall of MTV, Friday Night Videos, the Solid Gold Dancers, Howard Stern, school shootings, cell phones, IPODS, Rap music, Pizza Delivery, Animal House, Rocky Balboa, Mr. T, Hummel telescope, Star Wars space defense , The Transformers, PORN (good porn any way),from BUSHY to "well Groomed", debit cards, mad cow disease, Indiana Jones, Jason Bourne, Juno, Red Sox win the World Series, dildo parties replace Avon, and tupperware...
The list is endless, I'm sure if everyone puts their heads together they will all come up with a list of important events that have shaped their own lives and have made an impression on how they lived during the last 30 years...some of you will not have been alive for the total of 30 years like you Hammer but for all of the rest of us there have been significant advances in our lives since 1978.
I'll let that sink in for a second....Everyone think back to 1978 (if you were alive then)and think of all the things you have seen, done and experienced.
Are we all flooded with memories, both good and bad? There is a reason to my madness, as usual...
Bouby and I were on the way to our bi-monthly Costco trip, dog food and booze run mostly, but first we needed to have breakfast. We hadn't been to our Waffle House for almost 9 months and we craved "Covered and Smothered", so we stopped in for a quick bite, They had remodeled that place and I wasn't too happy about the lack of seating, but nevertheless we got right in and had a seat. They serve Biscuits and Gravy now so at least that we great. We were first greeted by an aging waitress who basically ignored us until she could ignore us no more..I'll call her "dottie" because that was the name on her chest. I think she was ignoring us, not to make us wait on purpose, but because she was already doing the work of 2 other waitresses who seem to be either stupid or lazy or both. So Dottie asks us what we want to drink and then brings it to us, then informs us that our wait-tron will be with us shortly and she ambles off to continue her many other jobs.
Our Wait-tron shows up and we quickly dub her "Black Tooth the Pirate" for obvious reasons, we give her the food order and off she goes. We have a delightful breakfast where mine were "all the way" and Boub's were "covered and smothered". Itwas during this feast of carbohydrates that I noticed the fine print on Dottie's name tag. It read "Staff Member since 1978"
1978
That is why I got to thinking about the last 30 years and all that has happened while this amazingly attractive woman, blue eyes, bottle blond, nice tits and a skinny ass that only working 40+ hours a week at a diner can earn you (there are two types of career waitresses, the skinny chain smoking, coffee drinking, talks with a sore throat, animal, and the chubby, funny, waiting to hit the lottery, smart talking, reformed smoker, yet still drinks beer every waking hour when not at work, type. Dottie is the former, she is rail thin, Clairol number 102 blond, and looks as if she has been working the 4-noon shift for at least 20 years.
I'm guessing she was extremely attractive as a young woman, and now she is a 65+ yr old hottie, biding her time until death comes for her.
Dottie was, and probably has been for at least 20 years the HBIC at that waffle house.
How many jobs have you held in your lifetime?
How many 1000's of other waitresses have come through that particular waffle house in the last 30 years?
There are probably no less then 30 -50 movies of the week, smash hit comedies, a few dozen docudramas, and for the most part, no less then 500 one night stands where those amazingly hot boobs were used to end wars, start fistfights and gain the extra tip or 12.
Thanks Dottie for you help this morning, and I hope all of you will be visiting her soon. Waffle house on 35 and Antioch in the northland. Tip big...she could use the extra jingle.
And I just wanted to say Thanks to Tony for keeping my blog hidden in obscurity at least until I'm ready to make a change in my writing skills, or start preaching politics and religion.
Thanks Beaner...
As for the Blogger BBQ cook off I think we should plan on sometime in June. For those of you who don't know what I'm going on about, I think XO and myself have decided to create a Blogger BBQ Challenge. So if you have any skill on a hot grill/smoker/ we want you in June to show off those skills and get ridiculed by the arm chair chefs, who only wish they had 1/2 as many skills AS I do.
so there!
Star Wars would have been out and making history.
The Hostages would be taken and released in Iran
Granada would have went down and the movie will last longer then the skirmish.
The War for oil will have taken place twice, under two different Bushes.
Reagan will have ended the cold war and Russia would become our friends and Allys.
There would be the invention of the Space Shuttle, the Challenger disaster, and cut backs to NASA.
The internet will become mainstream.
Remote controls, VCR's, CD's, DVD's, Dolby Stereo, AIDS, Blogging, 5 presidents, 9/11, Oklahoma City bombing, MTV, the down fall of MTV, Friday Night Videos, the Solid Gold Dancers, Howard Stern, school shootings, cell phones, IPODS, Rap music, Pizza Delivery, Animal House, Rocky Balboa, Mr. T, Hummel telescope, Star Wars space defense , The Transformers, PORN (good porn any way),from BUSHY to "well Groomed", debit cards, mad cow disease, Indiana Jones, Jason Bourne, Juno, Red Sox win the World Series, dildo parties replace Avon, and tupperware...
The list is endless, I'm sure if everyone puts their heads together they will all come up with a list of important events that have shaped their own lives and have made an impression on how they lived during the last 30 years...some of you will not have been alive for the total of 30 years like you Hammer but for all of the rest of us there have been significant advances in our lives since 1978.
I'll let that sink in for a second....Everyone think back to 1978 (if you were alive then)and think of all the things you have seen, done and experienced.
Are we all flooded with memories, both good and bad? There is a reason to my madness, as usual...
Bouby and I were on the way to our bi-monthly Costco trip, dog food and booze run mostly, but first we needed to have breakfast. We hadn't been to our Waffle House for almost 9 months and we craved "Covered and Smothered", so we stopped in for a quick bite, They had remodeled that place and I wasn't too happy about the lack of seating, but nevertheless we got right in and had a seat. They serve Biscuits and Gravy now so at least that we great. We were first greeted by an aging waitress who basically ignored us until she could ignore us no more..I'll call her "dottie" because that was the name on her chest. I think she was ignoring us, not to make us wait on purpose, but because she was already doing the work of 2 other waitresses who seem to be either stupid or lazy or both. So Dottie asks us what we want to drink and then brings it to us, then informs us that our wait-tron will be with us shortly and she ambles off to continue her many other jobs.
Our Wait-tron shows up and we quickly dub her "Black Tooth the Pirate" for obvious reasons, we give her the food order and off she goes. We have a delightful breakfast where mine were "all the way" and Boub's were "covered and smothered". Itwas during this feast of carbohydrates that I noticed the fine print on Dottie's name tag. It read "Staff Member since 1978"
1978
That is why I got to thinking about the last 30 years and all that has happened while this amazingly attractive woman, blue eyes, bottle blond, nice tits and a skinny ass that only working 40+ hours a week at a diner can earn you (there are two types of career waitresses, the skinny chain smoking, coffee drinking, talks with a sore throat, animal, and the chubby, funny, waiting to hit the lottery, smart talking, reformed smoker, yet still drinks beer every waking hour when not at work, type. Dottie is the former, she is rail thin, Clairol number 102 blond, and looks as if she has been working the 4-noon shift for at least 20 years.
I'm guessing she was extremely attractive as a young woman, and now she is a 65+ yr old hottie, biding her time until death comes for her.
Dottie was, and probably has been for at least 20 years the HBIC at that waffle house.
How many jobs have you held in your lifetime?
How many 1000's of other waitresses have come through that particular waffle house in the last 30 years?
There are probably no less then 30 -50 movies of the week, smash hit comedies, a few dozen docudramas, and for the most part, no less then 500 one night stands where those amazingly hot boobs were used to end wars, start fistfights and gain the extra tip or 12.
Thanks Dottie for you help this morning, and I hope all of you will be visiting her soon. Waffle house on 35 and Antioch in the northland. Tip big...she could use the extra jingle.
And I just wanted to say Thanks to Tony for keeping my blog hidden in obscurity at least until I'm ready to make a change in my writing skills, or start preaching politics and religion.
Thanks Beaner...
As for the Blogger BBQ cook off I think we should plan on sometime in June. For those of you who don't know what I'm going on about, I think XO and myself have decided to create a Blogger BBQ Challenge. So if you have any skill on a hot grill/smoker/ we want you in June to show off those skills and get ridiculed by the arm chair chefs, who only wish they had 1/2 as many skills AS I do.
so there!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
It is a culture that I will never understand
She stands at the counter silent, waiting to be checked out. Her skin is the color of a dark roast coffee, she is sporting some Morgan Freeman-esque freckles, and is in her pajamas. Her purchases sitting on the counter in front of her, white label with gold writing, it is 7 am on a Wednesday. As she gets checked out the clerk doesn't bat an eye at her purchases, I standing behind and off to the left, and can only wonder what kind of circumstances would create someone who needs two 22oz cans of Colt 45 at 7am on a Wednesday.
I HOPE I never get to find that answer out.
The roads are ok as long as you aren't driving one of those angry little cars that sit .5 inches off the ground and sound like a swarm of mad hornets looking for Daffy Duck. Oh and if you aren't a complete fucking moron...but I'm guessing if you are reading this you'll be safe, I think all of the used snatch plugs are off the road, they have to be they were all in front of me.
Enjoy the lack luster road cleaning ability of the KCMO road crews.
I HOPE I never get to find that answer out.
The roads are ok as long as you aren't driving one of those angry little cars that sit .5 inches off the ground and sound like a swarm of mad hornets looking for Daffy Duck. Oh and if you aren't a complete fucking moron...but I'm guessing if you are reading this you'll be safe, I think all of the used snatch plugs are off the road, they have to be they were all in front of me.
Enjoy the lack luster road cleaning ability of the KCMO road crews.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
One of these days.....
"Bullshit!!"
"I swear to God"
"There is no way"
"I'm not making this up"
"You mean to tell me that you just received a document via fax, that our client has to sign, for a release of liability and it is after 5pm on a Friday, and our plane leaves tomorrow afternoon, and our client is a third world government entity?" REALLY? Are they out of their fucking minds?"
"Well I'm not staying, that is dumb. Thanks for taking one for the team and I'll see you when you make it back to KC."
"Why is it that our illustrious leaders didn't get this one page, 2 paragraph document to us BEFORE the day we were supposed to leave? I mean I explained this problem to them 15 days ago? That should have been ample time for the document to get written, approved by OUR legal team, and still leave us 10 days to get it in the the hands of the proper legal people in said 3rd world nation. I just don't get the lack of personal attention that our "PROJECT MANAGER" has given this client. I mean sure...it is only a few 100K but still...doesn't give him Carte' Blanche to act all Douche Nozzlery."
THIS IS A TRUE STORY
Sometimes I wonder if certain companies SHOULD be accepting jobs further than 20 miles from their front door.
I still hate Delta. I have only flown with them 3 times in the last 4 years and they have fucked up, canceled, or otherwise late, 2 out of the 3 times. So they get a failing grade and I hope they take my sky miles and shove them right up their asses.
Delta, you suck, eat a bag of shit I hope you die.
Now About the Rain.
Who ordered the lightening? I sure didn't. Fucking Thunderstorms in February.. I mean really my stupid dogs are freaked right the fuck out, they might not know how to type so good but they can read a calendar and they know that there shouldn't be any fucking thunderstorms in the Midwest for 60-90 more days for Pete's Sake.
And I know I have touched on this before, many time actually, but until people start listening to me I will continue to rant.
If you don't stay out of the fucking fast lane I will start carrying a sling shot and a bag of golf balls. You stupid cock jockys that think just because you pay taxes, you have the right to drive where you want, when you want, and how fucking fast you want are the reasons that people die on the highway. If you are in the LEFT LANE, that lane is for PASSING!! Passing involves GOING FASTER THEN EVERYONE ELSE, it does not mean doing 5 miles UNDER the speed limit.
So if your car gets hit by a random golf ball, check the speedo, check what lane your in and then either speed up to 75mph, or GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY LANE!
More motivational posters...
"I swear to God"
"There is no way"
"I'm not making this up"
"You mean to tell me that you just received a document via fax, that our client has to sign, for a release of liability and it is after 5pm on a Friday, and our plane leaves tomorrow afternoon, and our client is a third world government entity?" REALLY? Are they out of their fucking minds?"
"Well I'm not staying, that is dumb. Thanks for taking one for the team and I'll see you when you make it back to KC."
"Why is it that our illustrious leaders didn't get this one page, 2 paragraph document to us BEFORE the day we were supposed to leave? I mean I explained this problem to them 15 days ago? That should have been ample time for the document to get written, approved by OUR legal team, and still leave us 10 days to get it in the the hands of the proper legal people in said 3rd world nation. I just don't get the lack of personal attention that our "PROJECT MANAGER" has given this client. I mean sure...it is only a few 100K but still...doesn't give him Carte' Blanche to act all Douche Nozzlery."
THIS IS A TRUE STORY
Sometimes I wonder if certain companies SHOULD be accepting jobs further than 20 miles from their front door.
I still hate Delta. I have only flown with them 3 times in the last 4 years and they have fucked up, canceled, or otherwise late, 2 out of the 3 times. So they get a failing grade and I hope they take my sky miles and shove them right up their asses.
Delta, you suck, eat a bag of shit I hope you die.
Now About the Rain.
Who ordered the lightening? I sure didn't. Fucking Thunderstorms in February.. I mean really my stupid dogs are freaked right the fuck out, they might not know how to type so good but they can read a calendar and they know that there shouldn't be any fucking thunderstorms in the Midwest for 60-90 more days for Pete's Sake.
And I know I have touched on this before, many time actually, but until people start listening to me I will continue to rant.
If you don't stay out of the fucking fast lane I will start carrying a sling shot and a bag of golf balls. You stupid cock jockys that think just because you pay taxes, you have the right to drive where you want, when you want, and how fucking fast you want are the reasons that people die on the highway. If you are in the LEFT LANE, that lane is for PASSING!! Passing involves GOING FASTER THEN EVERYONE ELSE, it does not mean doing 5 miles UNDER the speed limit.
So if your car gets hit by a random golf ball, check the speedo, check what lane your in and then either speed up to 75mph, or GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY LANE!
More motivational posters...
