SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT

Robin Williams' plan...


"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a
plan for peace. So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in
their affairs, past and present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin,
Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys",
we will never "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting
with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines They
don't want us there, anyway. We would station troops at our borders. No
one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together
and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the
remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where
they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to
90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation
will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and
don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone.
We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the
bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home
baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the
world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Head quarters to an isolated island someplace. We
don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building
would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way,
no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is
ENGLISH...learn it or LEAVE...

Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?'

And I guess my evil ranting hasn't bothered that many people since Heather at General Blather wants me to become a bigger asshole so here I am being a schmoozer...

I think I'm supposed to laud this on 5 more people, but you know I just can't do that...

I'm sure these are out there somewhere, but I just needed to post them here as a future reminder to myself.


"George Carlin's"

New Rules For 2007

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a
reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't
particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the
football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless
you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was
found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did
you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde
teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these
kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're
a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a
grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about
your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of
this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry,
but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour
some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned
pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the
bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be
in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you Just solved the Social Security
crisis.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card,
entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding,
no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is
supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't
make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not
spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly
sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because
watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting.
What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait! They're already doing that. It's
called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms,
I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old
television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote
so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the
reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea
wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab.
Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't
gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After
I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex
with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or
just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I
just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in
months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And
I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays
better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every
available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do
you want fries with that?"

I love this picture! But I think that all the attention is being placed on the wrong subject. Now before I start my rant, please note that I DO NOT condone the killing of dogs for sport. I don't understand dog fighting, to me it is a silly waste of time and dog flesh. HOWEVER, if you take that part of the equation out of the picture, yes I know it is going to be hard to do that but please try for just a few minutes.

If I had trained a dog to do a job, and he failed to do that job, what then? Given the state of unwanted pets in this country and the fact that I know of at least one pack of wild dogs that have been ditched in the country, isn't putting them down a viable option? I can remember not too many years ago my grandfather telling me that he was going out with his new dog to do some hunting, this after intensive training at the hands of a master hunter/trainer. When Grandpa came back alone, I asked him "where's the pup?" and he simply replied "That dog didn't hunt." which told me that in this instance his tool was broken and he could no longer afford to keep it in the shed. AND he knew that if he couldn't make the dog hunt, there was no one in the entire county who would want the dog, since he didn't do his job.

If you are still reading this I'm assuming that you are at least partially open minded and not already leaving me hate mail, and in that case, let us focus on the real problem with this case. Michael Vick is a criminal.

No doubt about it. He is a waste of talent, thug in a jersey...well was in a jersey. He is proof that in this case, you can take the man outta the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the man. His real crime here isn't killing dogs, it is running an illegal gambling ring, dog fighting, and lying about it all. ALL of those things are illegal, but have been overlooked by the media because the media is really good at sensationalism. Since the fighting of animals dates back a couple of 1000 millennium, it isn't news, HOWEVER a young, good looking, NFL Star, Mr. Public Figure , killing dogs, with his own bare hands...well now you have a story.


Again, I do not condone killing of dogs, for sport, I don't think he needs to play football ever again, and I hope he goes to prison for 5 years for his crimes. I just wish the media would find the OTHER players in this game, and get their asses on the stage. You know that this operation wasn't this big because of Mike and his "Homeboyz" wanting to have some dog fights, if that was the case he would have never got caught. Shit I know where to go in Manhattan KS for a dog fight, but we're not talking about a blackened out compound behind a mansion. This was a much larger operation and Mike has become the fall guy...rightfully so, if for no other reason then he made a seriously wrong life choice in the company he keeps.

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty Years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that i s why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

I don't watch a lot of news on TV, nor do I read too much of it on the interwebs, and for the most part I get all of my political information from the guys on The Daily Show. Why you may ask? Well because they are like the readers digest, or USA Today of news, Most of it is bullshit with a smattering of truth thrown in to make them seem almost legitimate. That and I'm exercising my American right to be less informed then a chimp locked up at Michael Jackson's petting zoo, if I don't want to ...I DON'T HAFTA!

So I'm getting my nightly news, last evening and I see that Barak Obama is going to be the guest of the Daily Show and since my 75 yr old, back country, redneck cowboy, cracker white father said he likes this guy who happens to be a black guy from Chicago...well I know I better listen. (My dad isn't racist at all but it is funnier to portray him as such for this blog... and besides his computer is broke.)

So as most of you know when there is a big guest coming on they always cut the silly crap to the first segment, run a commercial, come back and introduce the uber guest, and then have him/her on for the full 20 minutes. Knowing this I was not shocked of alarmed when Rob Riggle's report from Baghdad was as pointless and vapid and they went to a commercial immediately after.

What did make me howl with laughter was the "New sponsor" for the up coming segment.

Hennessey Cognac VSOP.

Let me let that sink in for a minute.









OK Now let me explain why this was funny to me. If you don't know the demographics regarding Hennessey, Hennessey makes 70-90% of it's money from black males 18-50. So with incredible forethought and what I consider a truck load of Balls. They bought space in the middle of a show that is viewed by white males 18-45, who are either high on pot, or wanting to be high on pot but are settling for Vicodin and 3 very stiff Manhattans.

So my hats off to the wonderful people at Hennessey who knew that if there was one way to reach their demographic, besides advertising in prisons across America, was to buy a .30 second spot after the silly white man and right before the cool black dude running for president.

Kudos Hennessey Marketing director. Many many many Kudos.

Yeah I know I fucked up the year in the previous post, Big deal I was/am drunk. So I didn't make it to the meat up tonight I was barred from going due to an unfortunate router dying at work this afternoon and I was expecting some massive emails from clients and prospects, so I went home and just now got finished with work stuff.

Sometimes I wish we would all go back to pencils, and presentations instead of portfolios and email. Yes I would be gone more but if my pencil goes down I can always sharpen it with my pocketknife....well not at the airport, but you get my meaning. I know I sound like all of those whinny beotches that wouldn't come to the "intimate gathering" I hosted in Gladstone, but I really did have two ligitmate work problems/clients to take care of. So if anyone would like to go back to that wonderful little Irish pub in the northland I'll buy "A" as in one, round for whoever shows up for a get together Tuesday Sept.18th at, naturally, Micky's Irish Pub, 420 NW Englewood, (816) 455-6868.

Now on to weird shit I have seen while avoiding work and waiting to win that ginormous lottery.


ORLANDO, Fla. -- Orlando, Fla., police were hoping for a good turnout at their "Kicks for Guns" sneaker exchange Friday, but they weren't expecting to get a surface-to-air missile launcher.

An Ocoee, Fla., man showed up and exchanged the 4-foot-long launcher for size-3 Reebok sneakers for his daughter.

Taking advantage of the exchange's no-questions-asked policy, the man was not identified. He told the Orlando Sentinel that he found the weapon in a shed he tore down last week. The man said he took it to three dumps to try to get rid of it, and they all turned him away.

Besides the missile launcher, police collected more than 250 guns. They were all exchanged for sneakers or $50 gift certificates.



Something to do when bored....google images "DSC00001.jpg". This will allow you to see what people take pictures of with their BRAND new digital camera the first time.







LITTLE ROCK, Ark. -- Thanks to one little misplaced word, it appears that people of any age can legally be married in Arkansas, with parental consent.

Lawmakers say a law passed this year would even allow infants to be married if their parents agree. And that may force the governor to call a special session to fix the mistake.

The bill's sponsor said the legislation was intended to establish 18 as the minimum age to marry and also let pregnant teenagers marry with parental consent.

An extraneous "not" in the bill, however, allows anyone who is not pregnant to marry at any age if the parents allow it.

A commission that fixes typographical and technical errors in laws had tried to correct the mistake, but a group of legislators argued that the commission went beyond its powers.

The Legislature is not scheduled to meet again until January 2009.

I'm sitting here pondering last week and the week in front of me while watching the Giants, Ravens pre season football contest. Why you may ask? Because I am a fan of the game. I don't care who is playing, I just like to watch the game. The simple nuances of the game of football is my entertainment. I just like it.

But as I sit here watching the game and messing around on the computer, I am pondering stuff like Hats of Meat, and this guy , and then there is This place which I have received a lot of good stuff from...and yes some porn too.

But for the most part I am just vegging out wondering what could possibly be coming into my life next. Bouby and I have picked a date...well as long as we get the location for the wedding, we are looking at 4-12-07 At the Crossroads music venue. The beer and pizza will be free, the cocktails and anything else on the menu is on the guests. we will have cocktails starting around 11:00 until 1:00 when we'll tell the world the we are indeed going to stop dating other people and be forever locked into each other for better or worse...then around 1:15, we are looking at about 300 people. The best part about all this is we are telling everyone that the only place we are registered is at the Federal Reserve. We have no need for more toasters, blenders, place settings, or flatware. We will however be in dire need of the best gift ever...CASH!

So with Meat Hats, sales call backs, a great pirate move site and the wedding, not to mention the up coming football season, I got a lot of shit going on. It also sounds like I'll be in Saudi Arabia the first part of October for our first new install in the sand box. All I have to say about that is, at least I'm not there right now when it is 130 in the shade.

Faith has set the party this time at Charlie Hoopers 63rd and Main in Brookside. Come one come all, I will try and make it this time, since I was in Vegas for the last get together.


What: Monthly Blogger Meetup
When: Tuesday, August 21st - 5 p.m. till whenever you wanna leave!
Where: Charlie Hooper's in Brookside (12 W. 63rd Street, KC, MO 64113)
Goodies: $1 domestic draws & $1, $2, and $3 appetizers from 3 - 7 p.m. (Stuff like pizzas, spin dip, and jalapeno poppers...yum!)

Has anyone else seen this commercial for K-mart, or Sears, or the GAP one of those shit assed retailers, with the Paris Hilton look alike walking from scene to scene, with different clothes on? She has on this one outfit that shows off her bell and those pelvic bones….Have you seen this commercial? It is the grossest thing I have seen since the Auschwitz films in my history class. I can’t believe that there are people out there that think this skinny bitch is sexy. What the fuck happened to society that we want our girls to look like skin colored skeletons? I have never found those skinny bitches even remotely attractive, but I’m glad that the stinking guidos have something to mate with.



I am having a much better time controlling my rage and anger issues lately, I think it is in part to my new outlook on life and the fact that I am practicing the Law of Attraction. For those of you who don’t know this secret, you need to do some research, and learn about it. I swear to all things groovy and good, it works. I too was once a non-believer, then I finally saw the light and watched the DVD my mom bought me for X-mas last year, and then I made Bouby watch it and lo and behold it is the best thing ever.

I know that it sounds like a bunch of horse shit, and a lot of people will look at it and not change a thing, but if you absorb the message and try it out you will be amazed! The reason that I decided to watch it was because there was a lot of stuff going on that just didn’t make sense. And my Bouby was having some seriously weird things happen, where she thought the house was bugged.

Every time she saw something on the TV or read about something she thought we needed, or was interesting, she would say “Wow, we could use that”. Then over the course of the next few days she would be inundated with emails about that EXACT product. Not a knock off or a replacement product, but EXACTLY what she said we needed. It was really freaking her out.

Since I had heard about the Law of Attraction a while ago, from my brother…the younger, better looking, and smarter (he is an engineer for IRobot) brother, yet I was still a skeptic, it still triggered me to watch the DVD entitled “The Secret”… Yeah I know stop the internal dialogue..”But Nightmare that is a stupid DVD that Oprah tried to sell” Yeah I KNOW! But that doesn’t make it any less true. That goddammned thing is legit and it works. So if you don’t want to take the advice of a stranger who sometimes talks out of his ass, that is fine, but for the love of all things cool and Froody, what do you really have to lose?

Check it out…I know when you start watching it will seem really campy and cheesy, but, if it was a basic documentary no one would watch it. If you want to watch it on your computer you can view it here the quality isn't the best, but then again all you really need is the sound. Trust me it WILL change your life if you let it.

As you know I am running for President in 08, and I think this letter is how I am going to address my first day in office;

My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.


Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain , Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary
will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.


I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany , and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is
also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.


We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2
above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism.. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America .. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
>God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

You know what I miss?

CB Radios.

With the advent of the cell phone and good taste, the radio lingo of the 70's and early 80's dies off. I watched Smokey and the Bandit over the weekend and was giggling like a school girl with all of the old trucker talk going on. That Snowman was a funny MOFO! For all of the youthful people out there who don't know what the hell I'm talking about...well that will take too long, so here is a list of CB Slang, start using it again and bring back some fun!

Boy Scouts -The State Police
Local Yokel - Small town cop
Papa Bear - Policeman
Mama Bear - Policewoman.
Bear in the air- Helicopter or other police aircraft
Meatwagon - Ambulance
Spreading the greens - Cops giving out tickets.
The dirty side - New York City
Tijuana Taxi - Police car
Ears ON -CB radio turned ON
Front Door - The lead car/truck in a convoy
Easy chair- Middle CB vehicle in a line of three or more.
Beaver Patrol- On the hunt for women
Beaver Bait- Money
Beaver Fever -A Cber who misses his girlfriend or wife
The 10's
10-1 Receiving poorly
10-2 Receiving well
10-3 Stop transmitting
10-4 Ok, message received.
10-5 Relay message
10-6 Busy, stand by
10-7 Out of service. Leaving the air.
10-8 In service, taking calls.
10-9 Repeat message
10-10 Transmission complete, standing by.
10-11 Talking too fast.
10-12 Visitors present
10-13 Advise weather conditions
10-16 Make pickup at_________
10-17 Urgent business
10-18 Anything for us?
10-19 Nothing for you, return to base.
10-20 My location is_______. (i.e.- "My 20 is____", or "What’s your twenty?")
10-32 Radio Check
10-33 Emergency traffic at this station
10-34 Confidential information.
10-36 Correct time. An overused term that gets more grief than it’s worth
10-77 Negative contact
10-100 Restroom stop

For more fun Check this out

That's a big 10-4 good buddy, keep your wheels between the ditches and the bears off yer britches and I'll catch you on the flip side, I'm gone.

Some of you who have taken high school ecology will know this, and if you are a fisher person, you might know this too. But every year ponds around the world turn. What does this mean? It means that somewhere right this second there is an eco system struggling to survive and not a lot can be done about it. There isn’t a fix for this problem, it happens and fish and other animals die because of it. There is some preventative measures that can happen like aerator-ing the pond with a large enough area of oxygenated water for the fish to survive.

Here is Professor Tommy Hill of the University of Tennessee’s definition;
Pond Turn-Overs
Because of weather patterns that we have been experiencing in past months, many pond owners have seen fish die in their ponds. One of the most serious pond problems is oxygen depletion referred to as a "turn-over". During hot summer weather, surface water becomes less dense as it absorbs heat and floats over a cooler, more dense layer of water. All the oxygen is produced in the warmer layer and the two layers may not mix for weeks at a time, especially in deepwater ponds. Eventually, all the oxygen is used up in the lower, cooler layer by the biological and chemical activities that take place there. A cool snap or a thunderstorm with wind and hard rain can cool the warm surface water making it heavy enough to sink and mix with the oxygen deficient bottom layer. The net result is a dilution of the oxygen and an increase in the demand for oxygen from dissolved minerals and decaying organic matter. To complicate these problems, the algae usually die at the same time.
When a die-off occurs, the green water often becomes streaked with gray, black or brown. The color of the water may eventually become totally brown, gray, black or even milky. A distinct foul smell may also be noticeable. "Turn-overs" cause the most catastrophic fish kills in ponds. Some ways to help avoid this problem are to keep the nutrient level down so that plankton blooms do not become excessive. Risk of turn-over is considerably less when visibility of a white object in the pond is 16-18 inches. Installation of an aerator that can be run at night and during extended periods of cloudy days is good insurance against fish kills. An area of oxygenated water near the aerator will help the fish survive until the pond recovers from a low oxygen period.
Thomas K. Hill
Professor
University of Tennessee

Why do I bring this up?

I think that the Earth is going to turn.

I don’t think that there is anything we can do about it and I’m pretty sure that we will not have a large enough “white object” to protect the entire human race. There will be enough survivors to make some groovy cave paintings and try and keep some technology alive…but I know that I can’t make a digital camera, or a cell phone, hell I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t make homemade plumbing.
I also know that this will not happen soon, it will take another couple hundred years to come to fruition, but I figured if I post this electronically now someone might give me credit for the warning 100+ years from now.

I also know that Al Gore is an Idiot, and what the human race puts out as far as “green house gasses” and our hurting the environment is such a load of crap…
Is global warming happening? YES.
Did we cause it? NO.
Has it happened before? YES.
Will it happen Again? YES.
Can we stop it? NO.
Should we worry about it and continue to create strings of bullshit that scare the weak minded and stupid? NO.
Should we carry on and try to live life to its fullest? YES.

So tell Al to fuck off, have a cocktail and a shot if necessary, dance like no one is watching, Laugh at every opportunity (even if it is Schadenfreude) And Love like there is no tomorrow, for one day you WILL be right.

Yes I am a Raider fan. I have been since they were good in the 70's.

Historical Moments:
1960: Originally slated to play in Minnesota the AFL's 8th original franchise was forced to look for another home after a deal with Minnesota fell through. After briefly flirting with Atlanta it was decided to put the new team in the Bay Area. The Oakland Raiders, led by Coach Eddie Erdelatz played their first game ever at San Francisco's Kezar Stadium on September 11th where they lost to the Houston Oilers by a score of 37-22. Two weeks later in a rematch at Houston the Raiders got their first win by a score of 14-13. The Raiders would finish their first season in financial peril with a 6-8 record.

1961: After losing their first 2 games by a combined score of 99-0 Eddie Erdelatz is fired and replaced by Marty Feldman. Under Feldman the Raiders would not do much better winning just twice on the way to a woeful 2-12 season.

1962: After playing their first 2 seasons in San Francisco stadiums (Kezar Stadium and Candlestick Park), the Raiders finally find a home in Oakland, as they agree to play in a converted high school stadium named after an undertaker Frank Youell Field. However, the change of address did not help as they lost their first 5 games before Coach Marty Feldman is fired. Under his replacement Red Conkright the Raiders would continue to struggle losing their next 8 before beating the Boston Patriots 20-0 in Oakland in the season finale to finish with an awful 1-13 record.

1963: The Raiders hire San Diego Chargers assistant Al Davis as their new Coach and General Manager. His first move is to give the team a new look, as they take the field in silver and black uniforms. The new look would work wonders as the Raiders won their first game over the Oilers in Houston 24-13. The Raiders would also win their 2nd game a week later, but a 4 game losing streak would quickly have them crashing back to earth. However, the Raiders would recover and would win their last 8 games to finish with a 10-4 record, as Clem Daniels rushed for 1,099 yards. However, the Raiders would have to settle for 2nd place, despite sweeping the first place Chargers.

1964: The Raiders stumble out of the gate losing their first 5 games. With all hopes of the playoffs gone the Raiders would play solid football the rest of the way only losing 2 of their remaining 9 games to finish with a 5-7-2 record.

1965: In their final season of football at Frank Youell Field the Raiders play solid football most of the season and compile an 8-5-1 record, good enough for 2nd place in the AFL West. Following the season Coach Al Davis would depart to take of the post of AFL Commissioner. Davis would be replaces by John Rauch as Coach.

1966: Al Davis would have a short 3-month tenure as AFL commissioner, but his actions helped cause earth shattering changes to the landscape of pro-football. Taking office in April Davis had gotten half of the NFL's top Quarterbacks to agree to join the NFL. This forced the NFL to once and for all view the AFL as a legitimate league, and led to a merger, that would bring both leagues together with a common draft and a year-end championship game. Davis would resign in July and return to the front office of the Raiders, as the AFL had become part of the NFL. After splitting their first 2 games at home the Raiders opened the new state of the art Oakland Alameda County Coliseum with a 32-10 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs before a crowd of 50, 746. The Raiders would have another solid season but could not do better than 2nd place with an 8-5-1 record.

1967: Prior to the start of the season the Raiders acquire QB Daryle Lamonica from the Buffalo Bills, for Tom Flores in a trade of single callers. Lamonica would prove to be the final piece of the puzzle and he won the AFL Player of the Year while passing for 3,228 yards and 30 TD passes, as the Raiders dominated the AFL on the way to a 13-1 season in which they roiled over opponents by a score of 468-233. In the AFL Championship Game the Raiders continued to roll destroying the Houston Oilers 40-7 at Oakland to advance to the AFL-NFL Championship Game.

Super Bowl II: In the 2nd AFL-NFL Championship Game the Raiders faced the powerful Green Bay Packers in Miami. The Packers came into the game knowing that Head Coach Vince Lombardi was about top step down, and played their top level of football. A level even at the top of their game the Raiders could not touch; as they fell 33-14, in a game that was over almost form the start.

1968: The Raiders get off to a fast start again winning their first 4 games, before back-to-back losses knocked them off their first place perch. The Raiders would win their next 3 games but appeared to be heading to defeat trailing the New York Jets 32-29 in the final minute of a game at Oakland. Even NBC thought the game was over, so they switched it off in favor of the movie "Heidi". However, Daryle Lamonica drove the Raiders 77 yards on 2 plays to take a 36-32 lead. On the ensuing kickoff the Jets would fumble at the goaline allowing the Raiders to recover and win the game 43-32. However, thanks to NBC's shortsighted decision nobody at home saw it. An angry out cry would be heard from football fans all over the country, as the game was forever known as "The Heidi Game". The Raiders would go on to finish with a 12-2 record, earning a first place tie with Kansas City Chiefs. In the divisional playoff at Oakland the Raiders would easily beat the Chiefs by a score 41-6 to earn a trip to the AFL Championship. In the AFL Championship Game the Raiders found themselves in a rematch with the Jets in New York. The Raiders would fall behind early, but once again mounted a comeback to take a 23-20 lead in the 4th Quarter. However, Joe Namath would quickly lead the Jets back down the field to take a 27-23lead on a pass to Don Maynard. The Raiders would have one last chance but when Johnny Sample intercepted a Daryle Lamonica pass at midfield the Raiders fate was sealed. Following the game Coach John Rauch would retire, he would be replaced by a young 33-year old assistant named John Madden.

1969: The Raiders would dominate the AFL again in the final season the two leagues were kept apart, winning their 3rd straight Division Title with a record of 12-1-1. However, an extra tier of playoff was added with the 2nd place teams qualifying for the playoffs. In the first round the Raiders easily destroyed the Houston Oilers 56-7 at Oakland to advance to their 3rd straight Championship Game. In the AFL Championship Game in Oakland the Raiders were matched up against their fiercest rivals the Kansas City Chiefs who they defeated twice on the way to capturing the Division Title. However, it would not be the Raiders day as the Chiefs extracted revenge in a 17-7 win in the final pure AFL game.

1970: The Raiders did not start the season out on the right foot going winless through their first 3 games. However, they would quickly turn things around going unbeaten in their next 7. In the next to last game of the season the Raiders defeated the Kansas City Chiefs 20-6 to sew up their 4th straight division title. The 8-4-2 Raiders faced the Miami Dolphins in Oakland, getting revenge for an early season loss by beating the Dolphins 21-14. However, in the AFC Championship Game the Raiders season is ended with a 27-17 loss to the Colts in Baltimore.

1971: After dropping their first game to the Patriots in New England, the Raiders roll off a 9-game unbeaten streak and take over the top spot in the AFC West again. However a 3-game losing streak would not only cost the Raiders first place, but it also cost them a playoff spot as the Raiders season ended in disappointment at 8-4-2.

1972: After playing mediocre football for most of the first half, the Raiders win their final 6 games to capture their 5th division Championship in 6 years with a solid 10-3-1 record. In the Divisional Playoffs at Pittsburgh the Raiders and Steelers locked horns in a defensive struggle. With the Steelers leading 6-0 with less tan a minute left QB Kenny Stabler subbing for Daryle Lamonica scored a TD on a 30-yard bootleg to give the Raiders a 7-6 lead. The Raiders appeared to have the game won with the Steelers facing 4th and 10; Jack Tatum deflected a pass away from John Fuqua. However, the ball would never hit the ground out of nowhere Franco Harris caught it and ran it in for a TD that dealt the Raiders as stunning 13-7 loss.

1973: After losing their season opener to the Vikings in Minnesota the Raiders play their home opener in nearby Berkley against the Miami Dolphins who enter the game on an 18-game winning streak. The Raiders defense was extra fierce that afternoon ending the Dolphins streak with a 12-7 win. However, trough 10 games the Raiders were still struggling at 5-4-1. The Raiders would finish the season strong winning their last 4 games including a 21-17 win in the season finale over the Denver Broncos that won the AFC West with a 9-4-1 record. In the Divisional Playoff in Oakland the Raiders would get revenge for the "Immaculate Reception" with a convincing 33-14 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers. However the Raiders season would end a week later with a 27-10 loss to the Dolphins in Miami in the AFC Championship Game.

1974: After losing their first game 21-20 to the Bills in Buffalo, the Raiders run off a dominating 9-game winning streak, on the way to cruising to their 7th Division Title in 8 years with a 12-2 record as QB Kenny Stabler won both the Offensive Player of the Year and NFL MVP. In the Divisional Playoffs the Raiders and Miami Dolphins battled back and forth all day as the Dolphins took a 26-21 lead with 2 minutes left. However, Kenny Stabler would use his legs and arm to snake the Raiders up to the Dolphins 8 yard line with 30 seconds left. One 1st and Goal Stabler appeared in trouble as he was flushed of the pocket, but instead of going down with a back breaking sack Stabler got rid of the ball. The ball seemed to float through a sea of Dolphins defenders before Clarence Davis made a juggling catch to give the Raiders a 28-26 lead. The Raiders would go on to seal the game on Phil Villapiano interception. However, a week later in the AFC Championship Game the Raiders would be stunned by the Pittsburgh Steelers 24-13 at Oakland.

1975: The Raiders get the season started out the right foot by beating the Dolphins 31-21 in a Monday Night showdown in Miami that ended the Dolphins 31-game home winning streak. The Raiders would go on to cruise to another division title with an 11-3 record. In the final game of the season PK George Blanda playing in his final game scored his 2,000th point becoming the first player in NFL history to score 2,000 points. A week later the Raiders would avenge an early season loss by beating the Cincinnati Bengals 31-28 in the Divisional Playoffs at Oakland. However a week later the Raiders would lose a defensive war to the Steelers 16-10 on a snowy day in Pittsburgh with the AFC Championship on the line.

1976: Prior to the start of the season Al Davis gained sole control of the franchise when Wayne Valley sold all of his shares. In a season opening showdown with Pittsburgh Steelers in Oakland S George Atkinson knock Steelers WR Lynn Swann out for 2 weeks with a helmet-to-helmet hit, as the Raiders won 31-28. Following the game Steelers coach Chuck Noll called Atkinson a criminal leading to a lawsuit. That game would set the tone for the Raiders seemed even meaner and nastier then previous seasons, cruising to their 9th Division Title in 10 years with a 13-1 record. However, in the playoffs the Raiders appeared to be in trouble trailing the New England Patriots 21-10 entering the 4th Quarter in Oakland. The Raiders would cut the deficit to 21-17 with a TD early in the 4th. However, they appeared on the ropes again when the Pats had the ball 3 and inches on the Raiders 30. However, the Pats would jump off sides, and Phil Villapiano would make a key drive stopping play, which was made even bigger when the Pats missed a FG. The Raiders would drive down to the Pats 27 but appeared stalled before a key pass interference penalty put the Raiders deep into Pats territory. The Raiders would go on to cash it in and won the game by a score of 24-21. In the AFC Championship Game the Raiders would take advantage of an injury depleted Steelers team beating them 24-7 in Oakland for a trip to the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl XI: The Raiders were finally back in the Super Bowl facing the Minnesota Vikings in Pasadena before a crowd dominated by Raiders fans. The game would go scoreless through the 1st Quarter as the Raiders survived a block punt by recovering a fumble at the goaline. The Raiders would dominate the 2nd Quarter taking a 16-0 lead as the raiders defense continued to cause turnovers. The game would go into the 4th Quarter with Raiders leading 19-7. The Raiders would extend their lead on Pete Banaszak's 2nd TD of the game. On the next series they would seal the game when Willie Brown ran back a interception 75 yards to seal the game. The Vikings would add a cosmetic TD for the 32-14 final as WR Fred Biletnikoff was named the game's MVP.

1977: The Raiders would get off to another fast start winning their first 4 games on the way to an 11-3 season. However, they would have to settle for a Wild Card as they lose the division by a game to the Denver Broncos. In the Divisional Playoffs in Baltimore the Raiders would battle the Colts in a back and forth game all day. The game would go through an entire overtime period tied at 31, before Kenny Stabler hit TE Dave Casper on a post pattern for the game winning TD 43 second into the 2nd OT. However, the Raiders reign would end with a heartbreaking 20-17 loss to the Broncos in Denver for the AFC Championship.

1978: The Raiders rough and tumble image suffered a black eye when CB Jack Tatum hit New England Patriots WR Darryl Stingley hard in the back during a preseason game at Oakland. The hit would shatter Stingley's spinal cord leaving him in a wheel chair for life. When the season started the raiders maintained their dominant form despite a terrible interception plagued season from QB Kenny Stabler, as they sat at 8-4 through 12 games. However, the struggles would catch up to the as they dropped 3 straight to fall out of the playoff race. The Raiders needed a 27-20 win over the Minnesota Vikings in their final game just to assure a winning record at 9-7. The season's highlight was a stunning last second win over the Chargers in San Diego where the Raiders fumble kept rolling toward the endzone where TE Dave Casper fell on the ball. Following the season Coach John Madden would retire sighting concerns after posting a career record of 103-32-7. Madden would go on to become one of the voice of eth NFL on Television and videos games achieving more fame and fan fare after retirement then he did while coaching.

1979: Replacing John Madden as head Coach was Tom Flores, a Raider QB for the early days. Under Flores the Raiders would play mediocre football for most of the season sitting at 6-6 through 12 games. However, they would find themselves in playoff position entering the final week of the season after a 3-game winning streak. However, a 29-24 loss at home to the Seattle Seahawks would cost the Raiders a playoff spot as their season ended with a 9-7 record.

1980: Prior to the start of the season Al Davis announced plans to move the Raiders for Oakland to Los Angels. However, NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle blocked the move by filing a restring order. He would even try to get the Al Davis removed as owner, as the case went to the courts. Still playing in Oakland the Raiders entered the season with a new QB after acquiring Dan Pastorini from the Houston Oilers for Kenny Stabler. However Pastorini struggled and the Raiders got off to a 2-3 when Pastorini was injured and replaced by Jim Plunkett. Plunkett proved to be the right fit for the Raiders offense as the team played solid football the rest of the season compiling an 11-5 record, and qualifying for the playoffs as a Wild Card. In the Wild Card Game the Raiders would beat the Houston Oilers 27-7 at Oakland as the Raiders defense picked former teammate Kenny Stabler off twice. Playing in freezing weather with temperature reading 30 degrees below zero the Raiders stunned the Browns 14-12 in a defensive struggle in Cleveland. In the AFC Championship Game in San Diego the game would be a shoot out as the Raiders stunned the Chargers 34-27 to become the first AFC Wild Card to make the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl XV: The Raiders who were involved in a lawsuit against the NFL were in the Super Bowl in New Orleans facing the Philadelphia Eagles as NFL officials were all but openly rooting for the Eagles. The Raiders would jump on the board first as Jim Plunkett hit Cliff Branch on a short TD pass midway through the first Quarter. The Raiders would take a stranglehold on the game at the end of the quarter when Plunkett hit Kenny King on an 80-yard TD strike. The Eagles would score a FG in the 2nd, but the Raiders defense would take over the game as Rod Martin picked Eagles QB Ron Jaworski off 3 times. The Raiders would go on to win the game 27-10 as Jim Plunkett was named the game's MVP with 3 TD passes. The win led to one of the most uncomfortable moments in NFL history as Commissioner Pete Rozelle was forced to present Al Davis the man he was involved in a legal wrestling match with the Lombardi Trophy.

1981: With QB Marc Wilson taking over for an inured, and ineffective Jim Plunkett the Raiders struggled with mediocrity all season as their record 16-year streak of winning seasons ended with a 7-9 record as the lame duck Raiders finally won the go ahead to move to Los Angels following the season. In their final game at Oakland the Raiders would fall 23-6 to the Chicago Bears.

Los Angeles Years (1982-1994)

1982: The Raiders would start the season with 2 road wins, but their debut in Los Angeles was put on hold when the NFL Players embarked on a 2-month strike. When the season resumed on November 22nd the Raiders beat the San Diego Chargers 28-24 in a Monday Night at the historic Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. After a loss to the Bengals in Cincinnati the Raiders won their next 2 before a showdown with the cross-town Rams, at the Coliseum. The Raiders would win the shootout 37-31 in a sold out Coliseum that was the first Million Dollar Gate in NFL history. The Raiders would go on to get the top seed in the AFC Playoff Tournament with an 8-1 record, as RB Marcus Allen won Offensive Rookie of the Year honors. In the first round the Raiders, easily dispatch the Cleveland Browns by a score of 27-10. However, in the next round the Raiders are plagued by turnovers in a stunning 17-14 loss to the New York Jets.

1983: Prior to the season the Raiders added salt in the wound of the NFL by winning a $35 million antitrust suit against the NFL for blocking the move to Los Angeles. To sure up holes in the secondary the Raiders acquire CB Mike Haynes from the New England Patriots. With a balanced offense the Raiders get off to a quick start winning their first 4 games before losing a 37-35 shootout to the Redskins in Washington, that was in many eye's the game of the season. The Raiders would go on to cruise to another AFC West title with a record of 12-4, despite 2 losses to the Seattle Seahawks. In the Divisional Playoffs at the Coliseum the Raiders would maul the Pittsburgh Steelers 38-10. The win set up a rematch with Seahawks in Los Angeles with the AFC Championship Game on the line. The Raiders would jump out to a 20-0 halftime lead behind the running of Marcus Allen, as the Raiders beat the Seahawks 30-14 to earn a trip to the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl XVIII: In a rematch of a memorable early season game the Raiders faced the Washington Redskins in Tampa with the Lombardi Trophy on the line. The Raiders would get on the board first when Derrick Jensen blocked a punt for a TD early in the 1st Quarter. Late in the 2nd Quarter the score was 14-3 when the Raiders grabbed a stranglehold on the game as Jack Squirek intercepted, and returned an attempted screen pass 5 yards for TD. In their regular season meeting in a similar situation the Redskins scored on the same play this time Squirek and the Raiders were not fooled taking a 21-3 halftime lead. The 2nd half would be the Marcus Allen show, as the Raiders star RB simply took over scoring 2 TDs in the 3rd Quarter including a 75-yard TD run to seal the game on the quarter's final play. Allen would go on to win the game's MVP as the Raiders won the 3rd Lombardi Trophy by a score of 38-9. As always there was a gleam in the eye of Al Davis as he received the trophy from Commissioner Pete Rozelle, the man he beat in court.

1984: The Raiders would get off to a fast start winning their first 4 games and 7 out of their first 8 overall. However a costly 3-game losing streak would drop the Raiders out of first, as they went on to settle for the Wild Card with an 11-5 record. In the wild Card Game the Raiders would fall to Seahawks 13-7 in Seattle.

1985: Led by Marcus Allen who won both the Offensive Player of the Year and NFL MVP, the Raiders recapture the AFC West by winning their last 6 games to finish with a 12-4 record. However, in the Divisional Playoffs the Raiders would have a rash of turnovers in a stunning 27-20 home loss to the New England Patriots.

1986: The Raiders would stumble out of the gate losing their first 3 games, as RB Marcus Allen plays through injuries at the start of the season. However the injuries would become controversial when Al Davis publicly stated Allen was faking the injuries. However amidst the billowing storm the Raiders would turn their season around winning 8 of their next 9. However the season would go down in flames after a Marcus Allen fumble is returned all the way in an overtime loss to the Philadelphia Eagles at the Coliseum, further agitating the troubles between Davis and Allen. The loss would be the start of a season ending 4-game losing streak as the Raiders finished with a disappointing 8-8 record.

1987: The troubles between Marcus Allen and Al Davis only get more heated as the Raiders sign former Heisman Winner Bo Jackson. However, they would not have Jackson full time as he chose to split time between baseball with the Kansas City Royals and football with the Raiders. With baseball season wrapping up Allen helped lead the Raiders to a 2-0 start before a Players strike led to the use of replacement players. However Davis insisted Allen cross the line and when he didn't the bad blood between the two got worse. After winning their first game the Raiders scabs would lose their next 2. When the regulars returned the losing streak continued. The losing streak would finally end with a Monday Night showdown in Seattle where Bo Jackson ran over Brian Bozwroth and the Seahawks in a 37-14 win. However, it was just a minor reprieve as the Raiders lost their last 3 and finished with a woeful 5-10 record. After the season Al Davis, unhappy with the passionless crowds in Los Angeles began to make overtures that he wanted to move again. Meanwhile Coach Tom Flores would resign after a successful 9-year tenure.

1988: Under new coach Mike Shanahan the Raiders would play mediocre football all season finishing with a 7-9 record, as newly acquired QB Jay Schroeder struggles with turnovers, and Marcus Allen is under utilized with 2nd half arrival of Bo Jackson. Following the season Al Davis would flirt with a move back to Oakland, but agreed to stay in Los Angeles after renovations were made at the Coliseum.

1989: After winning their season opener 40-14 over the San Diego Chargers, at the Coliseum the Raiders drop their next 3 games leading to the firing of Coach Mike Shanahan. Under new Coach Art Shell the Raiders would play better football right away winning 4 of Shell's first 5 games. In becoming coach Art Shell became the first black coach in the modern day NFL. The Raiders needed a win in their final game to have a shot at a playoff spot. However, the Raiders season would end with a 34-17 loss to the Giants in New York, as the Raiders finished with an 8-8 record, as Marcus Allen only carries the ball 69 times.

1990: With Marcus Allen becoming a vital part of the offense again with 13 Touchdowns as the Raiders win 6 of their first 7 games. The Raiders would go on to capture the AFC West with a 12-4 record as Allen and Bo Jackson provide a potent 1-2 punch in the backfield. In the Divisional Playoffs the Raiders would beat the Cincinnati Bengals 21-10 at the Coliseum. However, RB Bo Jackson would suffer a career ending hip injury late in the 3rd Quarter when David Fulcher literal rips the hip out its socket in a tackle from behind on the sidelines. Playing without Bo in bone chilling weather the Raiders season is ended with a 51-3 rout at the hands of the Bills in the AFC Championship game in Buffalo.

1991: Al Davis further enflames the ire of Marcus Allen by signing Plan B Free agent Roger Craig, as Allen seems trapped on the Raiders being under used. The Raiders probably could have used Allen as they lost their last 3 games of the season. However, with a record of 9-7 the Raiders still managed to sneak into the playoffs. However, their season would end quickly with a 10-6 loss to the Chiefs in Kansas City in the Wild Card Game.

1992: Marcus Allen continues to be buried on the bench as the Raiders get off to a miserable start losing their first 4 games. The Raiders would not be able to overcome the start never reaching the .500 mark, while finishing with a 7-9 record. Following the season Marcus Allen given the opportunity of true free agency signed with Kansas City Chiefs, in an attempt at revenge against Al Davis, who orchestrated his long benching.

1993: With newly acquired QB Jeff Hosteller the Raiders play solid football all season and qualify for the playoffs with a 10-6 record, along the way Raiders won several close games in the 4th Quarter. One of those nail bitters was a season finale 33-30 overtime win over the Denver Broncos at the Coliseum which decided home field for their Wild Card playoff match up. The Wild Card Game would not be as close as the Raiders cruised to an impressive 42-24 win. A week later in the Divisional Playoff the Raiders held a lead early in the 4th Quarter over the Bills in Buffalo. However, the Bills would rally and pull out a 29-23 win to end the Raiders season.

1994: The Raiders would stumble out of the gate losing 3 of their first 4 games. The Raiders would recover and entered the final game of the season in Los Angeles on a 3-game winning streak, needing just a win over the Kansas City Chiefs to make the playoffs. However, the Raiders offense could not get it going in a 19-9 loss that ended their season with a 9-7 record. Following the season Coach Art Shell would be fired, and replaced by Mike White. However, the big news of the off-season was a move. After 13 unsatisfying years in Los Angeles the Raiders announced they were moving back to Oakland, after the city agreed to massive overhaul of the old Oakland Alameda County Coliseum.

Return to Oakland (1995-Present)

1995: On September 3rd the Raiders made a triumph return to Oakland by beating the San Diego Chargers 17-7. The return to Oakland would provide an instant spark as the Raiders playing in front of true and passionate fans in Oakland got off to a fantastic start winning 8 of their first 10 games. However a 34-21 home loss to the Dallas Cowboys would send the Raiders reeling back to earth as they closed the season in disappointing fashion losing their final 6 games to finish with an 8-8 record.

1996: The Raiders stumble out of the gate losing 2 tough road games, before finally winning their first home game against the Jacksonville Jaguars 17-3. The win would be the start of a stretch in which they won 5 out of 6. However, 2 separate 3 game losing streaks in the 2nd half would doom the Raiders to a 7-9 season. Following the season Coach Mike White is fired and replaced by Joe Bugel.

1997: The Raiders stumble out of the gate losing 3 of their first 4 games by a field goal or less. Frustrating losses was the hallmark of the season as the Raiders by uninspired football all season on the way to finishing with a woeful record of 4-12. Following the season Coach Joe Bugel is fired and replaced by Jon Gruden.

1998: Despite playing only mediocre football on the way to an 8-8 season new Coach Jon Gruden, who at 34 is the youngest coach in the NFL becomes an immediate fan favorite with his intensity on the sideline earning the nickname chucky form his players.

1999: The Raiders alternate wins and losses all season on the way to another 8-8 season. However in their season finale the Raiders would get extra satisfaction by knocking the Chiefs out of the playoffs with a come from behind 41-38 win in overtime in Kansas City.

2000: Quarterback has a career season passing for 3,430 yards as the Raiders grabbed control of the AFC West early by winning 10 of their first 12 games. The Raiders would split their last 4 games, but their 12-4 record was good enough to earn their first division title in 10 years and a first round bye. In the Divisional Playoffs the Raiders defense dominated the Miami Dolphins all day on the way to an easy 27-0 victory in the first playoff game in Oakland in 20 years. However, a week later in the AFC Championship Game QB Rich Gannon suffers a rib injury on the first series of the game in a stunning 16-3 loss to the Baltimore Ravens.

2001: To add another weapon to their offense the Raiders sign WR Jerry Rice who holds every major career receiving record. Rice would join long time Raider Tim Brown in 1,000-yard club as the Raiders got off to a terrific start winning 8 of their first 10 games. The Raiders would quickly overcome a stunning home loss to the Arizona Cardinals to clinch the division early with a 10-3 record. However, with home field advantage up in the air the Raiders coasted through their last 3 games losing each and were forced to play in the Wild Card round after a 10-6 season. In the Wild Card Game Jerry Rice showed he was not done yet collecting almost 200 receiving yards in an exciting 38-24 win over the New York Jets in Oakland. A week later the Raiders appeared to be heading for the AFC Championship Game with a 13-10 win over the Patriots in the snow at New England, as they scooped up a Tom Brady fumble with less then 2 minutes left. However, the play was reversed by instant replay thanks to the obscure and controversial tuck rule. The Pats would go on to tie the game, and take the opening drive in overtime deep into Raiders territory where they nailed a game winning FG to pull out a controversial 16-13 win. Following the season Coach Jon Gruden was traded to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for draft picks after the team was unable to sign him to a contract extension. The reason no contract extension was reached is that Al Davis who felt Gruden was stealing his spotlight wanted reclaim some of the control Gruden had taken away from him in recent years. The Raiders would go on to name Bill Callahan to replace him.

2002: Under new Coach Bill Callahan the Raiders would come flying out of the gate winning their first 4 games behind high powered offense that scored 162 points in their first 4 games. However, the Raiders would suddenly go into a tailspin losing 4 straight games, including 4 in overtime as they sat at the midway point with a mediocre 4-4 record. However, just as suddenly the Raiders would rebound as Jerry Rice collected his 200th career touchdown in a 34-10 win on the road over the Denver Broncos on Monday Night Football. The Monday Night win would be the start of a 5 game winning streak which included another Raiders receiver having a Monday Night Milestone as Tim Brown became just the 3rd WR in NFL history to collect 1,000 career receptions joining Rice, and Cris Carter, as the Raiders beat the New York Jets at home 26-20. After a loss to the Miami Dolphins on the road the Raiders would go on to win the AFC West with a solid 11-5 record as Rich Gannon was named NFL MVP for passing for 4,689 yards, while throwing 26 TD passes to just 10 interceptions. The Raiders, who had earned Home Field advantage in the AFC faced the Jets again in the Division Round of the playoffs after going into halftime tied at 10 the Raiders would pull away in the 4th Quarter, as WR Jerry Porter outshined his 2 Hall of Fame teammates with 123 receiving yards including a 50-yard reception that set up the game breaking TD. Hosting the Tennessee Titans in the AFC Championship Game the veteran Raiders would find themselves behind 17-14 entering the final minutes of the first half. However suddenly the Raiders would catch a break as they r3ecovered a fumbled punt on the Titans 16 to set an up a Rich Gannon TD pass. On the ensuing kickoff the Raiders would catch another break recovering a fumble to set up a Sebastian Janikowski FG to give the Riders a 24-17 halftime lead. In the second half the Raiders would dominate the Titans on the way to a 41-24 win that sent them to their first Super Bowl in 19 years.

Super Bowl XXXVII: Super Bowl week would turn into the "Chucky Circus" as the Raiders faced the Tampa Bay Buccaneers coached by Jon Gruden. Gruden who coached ten Raiders from 1998-2001 had rebuilt the team into a scoring machine that his replacement Bill Callahan helped form into the top offense in the NFL who, were matched up against Gruden's Buccaneers who had the top defense in the NFL. The circus atmosphere would overwhelm Raiders center Barret Robbins who went AWOL the day before the big game in San Diego. Robbins would reappear the morning of the game after a night of drinking in Tijuana, but he would be suspended from the team. At the start of the game it appeared as if the Robbins distraction would not hurt as the Raiders, who took advantage of an interception on the first possession of the game to take an early 3-0 lead. However, the Bucs defense seemed to know what was coming as they red Rich Gannon perfectly intercepting 2 passes and shutting down the Raiders offense completely to take a 20-3 lead into halftime. Things would not get better for the Raiders in the second half as the Bucs extended their lead to 27-3 on a long drive that ate up time in the 3rd Quarter. Now in desperation mode Gannon trying desperately to get the Raiders back into he game would be picked off by Dwight Smith who returned it all the way to extend their lead to 34-3. The Raiders would make a furious attempt at comeback scoring 3 consecutive Touchdowns, to cut the lead to 34-21. However, in the final 2 minutes Gannon would have another 2 interceptions ran back for touchdowns as the Buccaneers won the Super Bowl 48-21.

2003: Coming off their disappointing performance in the Super Bowl the Raiders appeared to be suffering from a hangover as they struggled in their first 4 games winning twice at home and losing twice on the road, but even in their wins they did not play well. Things would take a turn for the worse as the Raiders lost their next 5 while MVP Rich Gannon struggled before being shelved by a season ending shoulder injury in Week 8. Meanwhile a public feud developed between the players and Coach Bill Callahan who was seen at fault for the Raiders poor Super Bowl showing. The Raiders losing streak would end with a 28-18 win over the Minnesota Vikings at home, but it would be a mere moment of relief in a lost season as the Raiders finished with a terrible 4-12 record, the worst season ever for any team coming off a Super Bowl Appearance, as the old veterans who looked like they were still in their prime a season earlier looked like they were ready for the old folks home in 2003. Among the vets with disappointing seasons were Jerry Rice and Tim Brown who each only scored 2 Touchdowns. Following the disastrous season which saw the Raiders finish tied for the worst record in the NFL Coach Bill Callahan is fired and replace by Norv Turner as the Raiders began to make wholesale changes among them releasing veteran Tim Brown the holder of most Raiders receiving records, while strengthening their defense by signing free agent Warren Sapp.

2004: The Norv Turner era would get off to a good start as the Raiders won 2 of their first 3 games. However, in a Week 3 win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in which the Raiders got a measure of revenge for their Super Bowl loss with a 30-20, QB Rich Gannon suffers a career ending neck injury. The rest of the season the Raiders would turn to Kerry Collins who would be slow to adapt to the Raiders offense losing his first 5 starts. Along the way the Raiders would deal legendary WR Jerry Rice whose consecutive games with a reception streak ended in a Week 2 win over the Buffalo Bills at 274, to the Seattle Seahawks. Collins would play better as the season wore on but the Raiders would still struggle finishing in last place with a 5-11 record. Following the season the Raiders would acquire All-Pro WR Randy Moss in a blockbuster deal with the Minnesota Vikings.

2005: The Raiders with newly acquired WR Randy Moss started the season in the spotlight as they faced the two time defending champion New England Patriots in a Thursday Night Primetime Special to start the NFL season. Moss would collect 130 receiving yards and Touchdown, but the Pats would get the win 30-20. After losing their next two the Raiders finally broke through against the Dallas Cowboys in Week 4, winning at home 19-13. Following a loss to the San Diego Chargers the Raiders won back to back games for the only time during the season to climb 3-4. However, the Raiders would win just one more game the rest of their season as their defense was among the worst in the NFL, while Moss who dealt with a tight hamstring all season had a disappointing first season in silver and black as the losses and frustration mounted in Oakland. The Raiders would go on to finish in last place again with an awful record of 4-12, as Coach Norv Turner was fired following the season. Following an extensive coaching search the Raiders decided to go back to the past to select their coach as they hired Art Shell who had previously led the Raiders from 1988-1994, before being dismissed as the team moved back to Oakland.

2006- There were no highlights they sucked. We'll see how they recover in "07"

Thanks to Emawkc I have been forced to change the title page. Less Elk Limbs...I like it!

I really have nothing, today is one of those days that if I had no 11:30 meeting, I would have worked from home in my jammies. I need more sleep, but I just can't stop watchiung all of the cool shows on the TV box late at night. Has anyone else been watching the show on AMC called Mad Men? I really like this show! it is such a testament to days gone by. Not only that but they have been, so far, historically accurate in their portrayal of the advertising companies at the end of WWII.

That and all of the bullshit that was "unspeakable" during that era of American bliss. Like divorce, and the hazards of smoking, and racial tensions between the WASPS and the Jews. Not to mention the soon to be boiling point of racial equality of the black man.

I just find it exceptionally well written and superbly acted. It is worth a watch...even if you are coming into the 4 episode next week, still easy to catch up on the main points. Here is what the website has for a over view:

"Set in 1960 New York, Mad Men is about the lives of the competitive men and women of Madison Avenue advertising. The task of making this era and locale tangible falls to the production's property master Scott Buckwald. In this photo essay Scott explains the unique challenges that he and his department needed to overcome in order recreate an accurate vision of corporate and home life in 1960's New York."

Anyway no anger or rants until Monday. Enjoy the weekend!

I was watching the news last night …Fox 4 to be exact, because I hate them the least, and they fuck up the most so they make me laugh. But I didn’t do much laughing last night. They were reporting on that bridge fiasco in Minneapolis, and that stupid talking vagina Susan Hiland, decided that since she had no information and was talking to her sports reporter, Frank Boal, who had just driven that exact bridge the day before(OH you dodged a bullet…just like the other 200,000 people that drove on that bridge that day), if the construction work was to be blamed for the collapse.

WHAA?

I believe her exact words were “Frank, I know that there was some construction work going on, do you think that caused the bridge to collapse?”

How about shut the fuck up you stupid twat. The accident happened 4 hours ago, they are still pulling bodies out of the river and your looking to place blame? Maybe the fucking bridge wasn’t designed to handle the massive temperature changes that happen in Minneapolis MINEFUCKINGSOTA, and it was 40 years old.

Or maybe you should, oh I don’t know, do some fucking investigative reporting for a change and see if you can find an answer, instead of just sitting on your fat ass guessing? Do you think you can do that for once?

Happy thoughts to those in need in Minneapolis.

Fuck you Susan Hiland.

AND since I feel particularly skinny today I thought I'd share a couple of pix.

this was 350lbs


And today at 280

20 more lbs and I'm eating some fucking Ice cream!