SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT

Is this thing fucking working?

I have a new lap top!! YAY!


I have to reload ALL of my programs....BOO

Well the death toll continues to rise. This time however it is my lap top that has decided to die. I was sitting at work trying to catch up on Wednesday and lo and behold I catch a whiff of hot electronics…

“That’s weird” I think to myself., “I wonder where that is coming from?”

I touch the edge of the lap top, right above the AC plug and it is BLAZING HOT! I quickly unplug the AC cord, and burn my fingers. It was a 1000 degrees, and a wisp of smoke escaped from the AC connector plug on the lap top.

Now I have to figure out where the hell I’m going to get the money to get a new one. I hate credit cards, and I think I have no choice with this shit now. But thankfully Bouby gets cash back from the discover card!

So I have the utmost privilege of working from home until I can find the right lap top. I did have one picked out last night at circuit city, but they have joined my list of companies that don’t want to shop at. Here’s why.

Bouby and I had to help her Dad move a pile of brush before we went lap top shopping so I was dressed in my best redneckery, shorts and a tank top, it was 80 degrees out and I hate to be all sticky. So when we finally got to the store we were a dirty mess that smelld like we had been moving brush.

Well the lap tops are laid out on the first gondola, (shelf system to you lay people) as you walk into the store. We walk up to them and start looking at the assorted brands and what did what and with whom, as well as price. This is when I notice that there are a slew of red shirted worker bees all buzzing around their little sales counter, and as we continue to look I notice some of them looking at us and wandering off until the only guy standing there is the black shirt “guy in charge” of computers.

As he continues to ignore us we start getting louder and louder saying stuff like “I wonder if anyone works in this department” and “Jesus I would really like to buy a lap top today” We get no reaction, this little bastard just keep ignoring me and wandering around the department re-pricing stuff, and basically wandering around being useless.

So I finally walk over to his little “office” and bluntly ask “is this your department?” when he answers yes, I turn and start walking back to the lap tops…I glance over my shoulder and he isn’t sure what just happened he just knows that this wall walked up to him and spoke. As I glance over my shoulder I say “well c’mon I ain’t got all day!” Which snaps his little geek mind back into focus and he follows me .

I first ask him if there is any floor models in the back that don’t have Windows Vista on them that I can buy, because I don’t need an OS that sucks up the better part of a gig of RAM to run my lap top. I was then snottily informed that “No we don’t have any of THOSE in the store”

Ok strike two. I hate people who act snotty when they feel that they “know” the person based solely on their dress, or the way they smell….or the fact that if they choose they could crush your tiny little head and make a pate’ out of it.

So I look down and say “well then I guess I’ll take this one” And he says Ok., and walks back to this little sales kiosk, and says well we don’t have that one in stock, I can check a different store for you….oh Independence has one..Which is virtually on the other side of the planet from where I am standing, It is like you’re in San Francisco, and someone tells you that they have the missing item in their store in San Jose…. STILL the Bay area…however 2 hours away. I look at him and say Nope, if you don’t have I guess we’ll go to Best Buy.

But you all know that is bullshit, Best Buy is still a worthless sack of shit, and slowly but surely Circuit City is climbing its way to the spot just to the right hand of Best Buy.

Fucking cockslaves, I should have told him I saw his mother working the glory hole at the truck stop for nickels, and she was giving change…the whore.

Yes last week was hard on the Nightmare family and friends. We lost A dear family friend to cancer…loooonngg battle, but lot nonetheless, another family friend dropped dead of a heart attack, my first chiropractor, he was very old, he died, and finally my Great Aunt passed away. So I’m on my way to Holly Colorado, the drive is longer than the, the, well the whole fucking weekend. Anyway the silver lining is that two of my cousins came up pregnant, one married, one not, So more procreators filling the world with little people so us kid hating, party adults don’t have too.

Thank you.

Bouby and I are on a diet. Not just some weird “All the whip cream you can eat diet” but an actual meal plan, learn to eat right, take the vitamins, do some walking, BADA BING - Skinny! So I’m down 12 lbs in a week and Bouby is down 9. We haven’t got to the walking part,. But we are doing everything else by the book. And it seems to be working.

Just in case someone is keeping score, this is the 4th funeral I’ve been to in the last 8 months.

And I thought I wouldn’t get enough use out of my suit.

So I’m watching the KC St. Patty’s Day parade on the local TV, and I cannot believe the hype on this pile of shit.

The Irish Museum of KC’s float was a fucking Honda CRV with green garland on it.

ALERT THE FUCKING MEDIA!
Really?

THE Irish Museum of KC and all they can come up with, is a fucking decorated Honda?

Then there was the all fat men band on a flat bed…At least they seemed drunk, which is more of an Irish tradition then a fucking Honda.

Then we came to the haunted house floats The Beast and Edge of Hell….SNAKES ON A PARADE!! I thought St Patty ran out all of the snakes? Do these super computers really not get that?

Oh and Brian Busby is an Idiot, he just said “People listened and showed up dressed.”

Whaa?
Showed up dressed? Well I fucking hope so, It is cold outside!

I just don’t get it, it is a bunch poop.

Some ass hat asked his girlfriend of 17 years to marry him…Fuck I heard about test driving before you buy but 17 fucking years? Yeah she wasn’t shocked. She should have been, maybe she should have been.

St Patty the balloon couldn’t stand up right, he was all fucked up drunk like a bastard.

The news anchors running the commentary are m0ore than likely sitting on an vibrating, turbo charged ass reaming butt plug to keep so excited about this thing called a parade.

HOLY SHIT!!

Chick fucking fillet has a float. A flat bed covered with Holsteins with that stupid slogan”eat mor chikn” FOR FUCKS SAKE PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT!

O’neil family , get a longer pole for that flag. That’s all I’m saying.

Holy crap some family float had the slogan “Snakes on a PLAIN” as in the great plains, wow that is tricky.

Scooby looks high a s bastard here! He is a little low on air, and he is all tipped over.

OH and the ren fair wenches just rlled by woth all of the boobage hanging out .LOVE THE REN FAIRE!

OK now the only reason the watch the parade has passed, and thank you Willie Arthur Smith and your Dancing Cobras! That little fella you have out front in tails! He was smoking with the moves!

And naturally a few floats down from these wonderful performers is Cricket, the Ghetto cell phone provider. Nice product placement.

So anyway I’m glad we can give drunk people something to watch down at crown center this morning and fuck up all of the traffic for block and hours, all for this big assed pile of shit we call a parade. So I’m going to go get drunk and start a fight, since that is the most Irish I’ll ever be.

Our local Fox news team this morning had a graphic up that read “Pullout Plan”. I’m pretty sure they were talking about the war in Iraq but why they decided to name it after the worse method of birth control ever, I will never understand.

Pullout Plan?

Really?

That is the best pile of shit you could come up with? Jesus I need to get back into broadcasting. I wrote better crap then that when I was in college learning how to write crap. I would have written something like “Military Withdrawal” , or Bush’s Boys to come home” or even “America’s plan to steal oil fails” I mean they are all better then “Pullout plan”.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some sort of whinny liberal like the tree huggers in California, nor am I a nutty jack booted thug right winger like Pete, I am an equal opportunity hater, I believe that ALL Government that is run by politicians is corrupt and worthless and only is out to make themselves money. There is no Kant-ism , no greater good for the masses, or even listening to people they are supposed to be listening to. AND It isn’t just a federal government problem, it happens at the local level too.

When I was doing radio, (sounds dirty huh?..WELL IT WAS!), I was witness to a whole community crying outrage at the possibility of traffic circles being implemented into their town, and I could find NO ONE that supported those stupid European circles of death, YET The city council still installed them.

Which pissed everyone off.

So when I rant about war, or government, or call for the head of the bush family because they are retarded, then you all know it isn’t because I’m a either end of the spectrum nut, but a full fledged middle class, fed up, angry, middle of the road nut, who knows that the only way we can change the way we do things is a complete upheaval and revolution.
Not that I want to lead this revolt but given the right motivation, and if I was completely satisfied, that there was no other “politicians” involved, and that we were going to rebuild with real people and real problems that would be solved by common sense and not crazy laws, well I would support that movement. I would also support the disbarment of all lawyers. You should be forced to defend yourself in a court of law and if there is any doubt, your 12 peers will decide your fate for you. This way if you’re an asshole and you get caught being an asshole, yet no real crime was committed, you will more than, likely be punished for being an asshole. In this system we would all have to treat people better and find jobs for all of the ambulance chasers, like road crew. Or river clean up.

I just get so tired of all of the bullshit. Is there any end in sight? I mean besides my ultimate demise in 50-60 years….

As I drive down I-435 to and from work I just can’t help but smell the ass of 250,000 Kansas Citian’s asses. That’s right the smell of hot ass rotting in the sun is getting thick on the north side of KC.

Which can only mean one thing…

SPRING IS HERE!

As the weather draws warmer and smells of the rotting city I work in infiltrate my senses like a nasal raping, you know it is time to think about golfing and getting out into the great outdoors for some killing. I would like to say it was turkey hunting on my mind but it seems that the local black gang youth have been listening to a 23 year old self professed gangsta bitch who to is crazier than a shit house rat, and have been killing each other.

Now I don’t know if this is a “Joan of Arc” thing where she is reported to have slept her way into power, but for a crazy woman to be so far in charge that men are willing to kill each other of a perceived slight or “dis” to his shoes, neighborhood, pants too high, pants too low, or what ever the “dis du jour” happens to be…well like the man said “that is too much power for one person to have”.

But it looks like our local constabulary have caught up with said crazy bitch and have her in custody. So now maybe the young bloods will stop killing each other for a week or so. That and lighting the bodies on fire and leaving them behind a dumpster with only a small homemade tattoo for identification, just that much will be nice not to deal with for a week or so.

One of these days I want to be able to not work for the man, play golf when I want, work out when I want, and not have to worry about paying the bills. I’m not sure when this is going to happen but it had better be soon before I get to broken down to enjoy it That’s all I’m saying.

***EDIT***
Ok they did not catch rat shit crazy Shauntay, she is still at large, armed and dangerous, wanted for murder and causing gang riots, Apparently I was looking at the pictures on the TV instead of listening to the words coming out of the talking heads and all they were showing me was a made up mug shot of what she could look like if she shaved her head and dressed like a man. So KC Be on the look out for a crazy bitch....not that this is news Westport is covered with them like fleas on a camel...and no that is not a slam at middle eastern people, although it could be.

It is what it is.

Our trade show seems to have been successful. We got a lot of cool leads and many of them international leads, so I could be on the road to foreign lands…yee ha.
Here are some pictures of our booth. If you have never been to a trade show then you won’t understand how many rules we have bent with this monstrosity, but generally there are rules as to how tall you can make a trade show booth, and as you can see ours is WAY too tall. But if add the height of a hanging sign and the height of the booth and add those measurements together, then you can see how we obeyed the letter of the law and not the intent.




Anywho, it was a good time and now I need to sleep a lot.

I also just completed some independent research on ebay.

I searched for the word Vagina and came up with 77 hits

I searched for Penis…1072 hits.

Proof that, size, shape, and endurance are a lot more important then women let on, and Men are WAY too insecure about their junk and will believe any which doctor with a “stay harder, grow longer, pump it up and make it bigger apparatus, pill, or cream…. Who in the hell is buying this shit?

Guys listen up;
If you shoot too fast, jerk off before you get there, no time, have a lot of foreplay.
If you have a small penis, learn to eat pussy really well.
If you are a bad lay, take dance lessons, that will help you find rhythm, and that is all you’ll need.
If a woman ever asks you “who do you think you’re going to please with that little thing?” Just reply “ “ME!”
If your woman tells you’re your thing is too small, stick it up her ass. That usually sends them shooting across the room like a cat on ice.

Women- Don’t lie, if we aren’t cutting the mustard like we should give us some guidance. Guys if your woman tells you want she wants you MUST listen and obey! They don’t do this when we ask what they want for their birthday of Christmas, so when they tell us what they want in the sex department..LISTEN AND OBEY!

Ok I got to go to bed and catch up on some more sleep.

Well I’m in Vegas!!! Whoo hoo!!

Once again our booth is behind schedule. Not because of anything the we did here in the field, but because someone decided it would be wise to save 200 bucks and use a trucking company from a different state that coincidently, was hit by a blizzard, only hours before the truck was supposed to leave.

So we are about 8 hours behind schedule.

Joy!

Exulted JOY!

I have basically doubled my spending money by playing some groovy slot machines, so that is nice.

There seems to be a convention of dirty people in town while we are here this week and I don’t mean dirty as in naughty, but as in “holy fuck, did you see the crazy one eye trailer park queen with the prison tats smoking pall mall’s with her bare foot kids playing Keno..?” dirty. It is so gross here, I wish the mob would come back and clean this rat hole up.

I have to go to sleep now tomorrow looks to be like it is shaping up to be a LOOOONNNGGG fucking day.

If anyone is in retail and is in Vegas this next week you should come by our booth and I’ll sell you some stuff.

More when I get sober…I mean after I sleep.