SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT

Last night I did something really fun!! Me and Bouby and 2 friends went to watch the Roller Derby. It was so bitchen! I have a friend who is in the
KC Roller Warrior league and this was her final game and I seemed to always been busy last year and I didn’t get a opportunity to check out her skills and MANO MAN!! She has some groovy Roller Derby Skills!

I made an observation regarding my fellow roller derby fans last night too. There are two types of roller derby fans, little men and HUGE fat chicks! With the exception of my personal company, that was the majority of the people who were in attendance. There also seemed to be an overwhelming majority of lesbian clientele.

Apparently, Roller Derby is some sort of live action “pussy on the hoof” show for them. And I’m not talking about attractive “lipstick lesbians” I’m talking HUGE fat assed, man hating Bull dykes who would just as soon as cut off my balls and stuff them up my ass, then as to look at me. I was scared of a couple of them. It was like I had just dropped my pants and shit on their shoes. They looked like they could eat steel and shit nails.

I was Skeered!

Here are some snap shots of the evening.

I got caught in a girly movie trap last week. I mean it was a toss up to watch a movie with such a hot dirty tramp like Brittney Murphy, but to have it be about a nanny to that little twit Dakota Fanning. Wow I was not so sure I was going to make it. I kinda felt like that retard in the Bud Light commercials, you know the guy right he is some sort of stuntman for everyday situations? Yeah my dad hates him too.

Anyway the movie “Up Town Girls”, started with the typical “Hey we made a movie in New York and it is always about the night life and the 20-40 year old asshammers who’s disposable incomes go to paying for the blow habits of the club owners” and how the party girl needs to stay young and irresponsible otherwise she might come off as uncool and if that ever happens all of her friends will dry up and blow away in the breeze like so much horseshit that they are. So as our starlet Brittney shows us exactly how much of a whore she really is by being a rock and roll groupie (in the movie her parents are rock stars that die suddenly and she gets all of their money to grow up on) and picks up an up and coming rock star takes him back to her place and rides him like a show pony.

It turns out that she is some sort of weird whore like muse and he writes a top hit while with him. Then suddenly she is broke…yes I know a weird twist of fate made possible only by Hollywood. She finds herself homeless, broke and with no job skills. Naturally two friends who didn’t dry up and blow away take he in. And one of them finds he a job that she is not even remotely qualified for, being a nanny to an 8 year old. Earlier she couldn’t even keep her apartment clean and now she has an 8 year old to take care of because her own mother is a music executive and can’t be bothered with children unless they can make her money.

So the show goes on in the traditional way, older girl teaches young girl the ways of whoredom, well maybe not the WHOLE “how to get backstage at a Stones concert” whoring but enough to have fun, and the younger one teaches the older one some self respect. Then naturally there is a conflict and a make up and then a bigger conflict and a time of mourning the loss of the friendship, and then a reconciliation and a fancy dance number at the end.

This pile of shit was so predictable I could have written it in my sleep, but if I did Brittney would have had some nude scenes. There was a couple of super sleuth moments that I noticed. See I am one of those guys that can see the missing bottle in the scene that suddenly reappears after a few seconds. I find the flaws, and one of the BEST parts of this movie was the repeated panty shots.

In one scene Brittney would be wearing tights under a see through skirt and then you would catch a glimpse of her G-string then the tights would flash back in place…and let’s face it, who doesn’t like to look at panties? They are sexy, and when they are slightly covered up….that is HOT!!

So if you are looking for a great shit sniffer of a stupid move with a easter egg panty hunt, well then, rent “Up Town Girls”. But I think I stick to downloading falsified naked pics of Brittney from the internet.

One of our big clients---they are serious--ly into sattelite radio...(if you missed that hint get out....I'm not kidding either)have ordered 13,000 new kiosks and I have been shanghied into slave style labor best suited for indoneisian children for 38 cents a day and no bathroom breaks.

So until I get my lottery winnings I guess that I will just have to deal.

Wow, what a weekend.

I got to see an Uncle I haven’t seen in years, I went turkey hunting, didn’t get one so all of you anti-meaties, and don’t kill animal types can unclench your ass cheeks, and I got to relax and sit still. Hell we even had family nap time on Saturday…it was beautiful.

We got back to KC yesterday and Bouby immediately went it to clean and put away mode where as I went into sit down and be thankful we are done driving for a while mode. When she was finally done with all of her nonsense we decided that the bunnies had grown enough to be turned back into the wild. We made sure that we hadn’t handled them much so that they wouldn’t be so domesticated that they wouldn’t be able to live outside of the cage.

We had decided to let them loose at a nearby park so that they wouldn’t be mauled by the neighborhood dogs. It turned out to be a dicey decision. I caught the little bastards and surprisingly enough I didn’t get bit or scratched. We jammed them into a Tommy Hilfiger shoe box and hopped in the car. We got to the designated park and walked down the trail next to the creek, looking for a nice shady spot to release the bunnies. We got to a spot and I opened the box.

Let me back up a bit. One of the rabbits, the second one, we called “Tippy” Tippy, was a little left of center. We couldn’t find anything wrong with him but his head was always turned to the side like he wanted to see the ground with his left eye and the sky with the right one. We were told that he might have had a neurological disorder and that he might be best used as snake food….so he wouldn’t suffer.

Well we couldn’t feed the poor little feller to a snake, regardless of how cool it may have been, so we just kept feeding him and seeing if he would get bigger/better. Well he did…..sort of. We kept walking in and catching him looking normal and as soon as he saw us he would tip over and start spinning and looking at the ground/sky….so we figured he was faking it. Pretending to be a retard to avoid conflict…I know the type.

So back at the park, I open the box and dump Tippy and Straight up into the grass and as I suspected Straight up heads to the woods at a blistering pace, gone but never forgotten. Tippy on the other hand was a different story. He tumbled out into the grass and was a little disorientated. He tried to run and it was more of a lazy counter clockwise circle. All the way around me and Bouby, and then right off the creek bank to land smack dab in the water 12 feet below us.

We rushed over to the edge and watched the little retard swim and swim looking for a decent portage to put in at. I was almost headed down there when I saw that he had made it to a low spot in the bank and was doing fine.

Well as fine as a soaking wet retarded bunny can be anyway.

So today is the last day of my “vacation” and I hope that I get to play some golf…we’ll see if the weather holds up.

I AM A SALES GOD!!

Ok not really, not even close but my life could be making a change for the better in a drastic way. I had a great meeting and my life is going to change.

I can’t say anything more until the ink is dry….but it is a good thing.

I was reading Rob’sblog last week and he was going on about how other people suck when they fly and how there should be tighter regulations and what not, for the passengers not the airlines, So I came up with my own list since I have spent the last month flying all over the damn place.

1) If you can’t lift it you must check it. I’m serious I hate those fucking old people who pack a fucking steamer trunk and try and jam it in the overhead compartment. I wish they would break a hip.
2) If your bag doesn’t fit in the little box they have then you must check the fucking bag. I hate these people who make me stick my one little brief case under the seat because they have the roll on travel case and it takes up the entire bin. Die you yuppie cocksuckers.
3) If you have to stand in line then you better be doing something fucking productive. You have an hour to get your book out and your jacket off. If you do this when you are trying to get in your seat I will donkey punch you and laugh when you cry.
4) If you have a baby that has never flown before….give the little shit some fucking drugs. NO ONE thinks it is a cute baby when it freaks out and starts screaming at 30, 000 feet. Babies taste good on toast.
5) Don’t talk to me. I am not a single serving friend, I don’t care what you do or who you are…I need to get from point “a” to point “b” and you need to shut the fuck up. You are worse than a fucking lap dog. Yap yap yap.

I have more but no time. I am off to the wilderness to kill the wily turkey…YUMMY!!

OK so My lap top died...Again. Fucking hard drive. So I am not as groovy as I was 6 days ago, but I did spend 200 bucks on a new one and all I need now is for the little feller who sold it to me to give me the proper boot disc and I can get rid of the XP beta test version OS that I have on it now. That wanker!

So here is the plan for the next 5 days.
Tonight drive to A camp for mentally and physically disabled people and volunteer to help get it ready for the camping season. Saturday, work at camp, Saturday watch some friends get married at camp, Sunday drive home (2-3 Hrs), Sunday Afternoon get in DIFFERENT CAR drive 3 hours in the OTHER direction to get a photog friend of mine up close and personal to a field burning. I know weird, but apparently they don't light shit on fire in his country. Then on Wednesday I fly to TX for a meeting, and come back to go on a 4 day weekend BACK to where we were when shit was on fire but this time with Bouby and the dogs and my hunting stuff. This way I can kill turkeys and make yummy snacks out of them.

That brings us to the 18th when I get back to work. JOY

ilovemyjob ilovemyjob

OH and I am broadcasting my blog into space....I figure that the Aliens need a little anger and wrath from me too.


And after all of that this is me.....

I will survive!

At first I was petrified, I was afraid………

Ok so last night I’m installing some bootleg software on my home computer when Bouby Starts hollering from the back yard where she was outside smoking…yes she is in the process of quitting SHUT UP! Anyway she is screaming at me to come outside and wear shoes.

The only time I have to put shoes on is when the dogs have found something that they shouldn’t have and are trying to make a snack out of it. Just last week a burrow of bunnies became a beautiful brunch for bowsers. So I was a little nervous heading outside.

Needless to say Jade, Our Rottie, Was not co-operating with Mumsy and wouldn’t give up whatever was in her maw. Until I got there and I pinched her nose really hard and she droped a soaking wet 2 week old bunny in my hand. The thing was tiny. And I’m holding it in my hands and trying to dry all of the dog slobber off of it, while Bouby tells me the tale of how our GIANT, stupid 127 lb Rottweiler came to catch a 4 ounce bunny that was supposed to be quick as lightning.

It seems that the Mother bunny was in the neighbors yard and one of her young’uns had ventured out of the burrow to see what she was up to and that is when Jade caught the scent. I don’t know if anyone knows the nature of bunnies but it seems that when they are this small their “fight or flight” reflex isn’t the strongest thought in their little bunny brains. So they play dead.

It really is kinda funny because they really just lay there all floppy and loose, right up until they think you aren’t paying attention and then they bolt. So as Bouby was relaying this message to me I knew that we would have to keep this little feller until he was big enough to handle the rest of the neighborhood dogs. But we decided to give momma bunny a chance of taking the little guy back….naturally she got a good wiff of dog slobber and headed for the hills, so I went back and picked him up and put him in a shoe box.

We then raced down to PETCO and picked up 50 bucks worth of bunny supplies including a cage and everything. And we spend the next 45 minutes putting together the ensemble and making a new home for the tiny bunny.



Bouby goes outside to have her last smoke of the night and comes back in the house, but leaves the back door cracked. I asked if she was done and she said yes but the dumb dog (jade) was still outside and for me to go get her. So I stood on the deck and harshly hollered for her to get her black ass in the house and she ignored me. While she rooted around in the brush pile. The same brush pile that the previous bunny brunch was found. So thinking she was just being stubborn I picked up a 5 lb log from the stack near the chiminea and threw it at her….not to hurt her just to get her attention. Well it worked and she came trotting towards the house. It was then that I heard the screaming.

It seems dumbass had found another baby bunny. This time she saw me running towards her and dropped the bunny before I got there and all I had to do was put my hand down and scoop the little bastard up and throw him in the cage with what I’m assuming is his brother or sister.



So now we are a bunny rescue house. Anyone with bunnies who are hurt and injured, or tried to be eaten by dogs…well we have a big ass cage.

Ahh what a lovely weekend. Friday was great, we sat around and drank copious amounts of alcohol, I cleaned up my computer’s hard drive, removing some really nasty malware and rendering it into a beautiful 5 pound paperweight.

I personally would like to meet the inventor of this type of spyware and throw him/her a painful cross body block rendering them as helpless as all of the computers that they have infected over the last 10 years.

I don’t know why people like to attach shit to something they are trying to sell me. Do they really think that will make me buy the fucking software, once I figure out that they have a penchant of attaching stuff to their fucking program??!!

I can’t even say this was porn, or even nudie pics, it was a stupid trial version of some bullshit software that I hated, so when I tried to remove the install exe file from my drive, it said NO!! and so I rebooted in safe mode and lo and behold it deleted easy as pie. I then rebooted in normal fashion and continued to do a system clean up and a defrag and then I rebooted and got the error message that I was missing my \hal.dll file and nothing works without that fucking file!!!! (like the extraneous use of exclamation points?)


Since Windows fucking XP doesn’t use DOS and I bought this laptop used from my boss who has yet to give me the fucking start up discs I am forced to pull my hard drive and connect it to a desktop as a slave drive and insert the file in the correct file that way. Which wouldn’t be a problem if I really owned one of those ribbon cables…but I don’t. I do know someone who has one but unfortunately he doesn’t check his messages on his cell phone and since that is the only number I have in my cell phone, he didn’t get the message to bring his ribbon cable to work today.

So I will not be able to even attempt to make my laptop functional again until tomorrow.


Fucking malware creators. I swear if I am ever in a bar or restaurant or subway hell even in church or day care and I hear someone say they do this type of writing I will rip their arms out of their sockets and beat them to death with the wet end. I think it will go something like this;

Software guy: So anyway I was attaching this really nasty file to some Barbie games that people download for their kids and it works so well messes up the whole system unless they buy the software, then it just monitors their online spending…it is so righteous!!

Me; Excuse me did I overhear you say you write malware?

Software guy; Yeah it is some sweet stuff too I ca…OW JESUS CHRIST HE IS RIPPING MY ARMS OFF! HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST STOP! SOMEONE HELP ME!!

Me; SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BITCH TAKE IT LIKE YOU WANT IT!

Software guy; OW SWEET BILL FUCKING GATES PLEASE STOP THE PAIN, OH SHIT NOT THE WET END!! HELP ME PLEASE! RIP OFF MY PENIS INSTEAD I CAN’T WRITE CODE WITH THAT! I NEED MY ARMS!

Me; WHY WOULD I WANT YOUR TINY UNUSED DICK? YOU CREEPY “SO WHITE YOU’RE CLEAR” SOFTWARE CUM GUZZLER?

Software guy; OH PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP!!

Nun Passing by; GOOD LORD!! What are you doing?

Me; Well this ass clown wrote some nasty spy ware that fucks up your whole computer system!!

Nun Passing by: OH well then let me help…TAKE THAT YOU HACKING COCK SLAVE! (as the nun jams the severed arm up his ass)

There isn’t a court in the land that would convict me.


Not even Jesus.

# posted by Nightmare @ 10:30 AM