Sunday, April 23, 2006
Sporadic gas bag review
I got caught in a girly movie trap last week. I mean it was a toss up to watch a movie with such a hot dirty tramp like Brittney Murphy, but to have it be about a nanny to that little twit Dakota Fanning. Wow I was not so sure I was going to make it. I kinda felt like that retard in the Bud Light commercials, you know the guy right he is some sort of stuntman for everyday situations? Yeah my dad hates him too.
Anyway the movie “Up Town Girls”, started with the typical “Hey we made a movie in New York and it is always about the night life and the 20-40 year old asshammers who’s disposable incomes go to paying for the blow habits of the club owners” and how the party girl needs to stay young and irresponsible otherwise she might come off as uncool and if that ever happens all of her friends will dry up and blow away in the breeze like so much horseshit that they are. So as our starlet Brittney shows us exactly how much of a whore she really is by being a rock and roll groupie (in the movie her parents are rock stars that die suddenly and she gets all of their money to grow up on) and picks up an up and coming rock star takes him back to her place and rides him like a show pony.
It turns out that she is some sort of weird whore like muse and he writes a top hit while with him. Then suddenly she is broke…yes I know a weird twist of fate made possible only by Hollywood. She finds herself homeless, broke and with no job skills. Naturally two friends who didn’t dry up and blow away take he in. And one of them finds he a job that she is not even remotely qualified for, being a nanny to an 8 year old. Earlier she couldn’t even keep her apartment clean and now she has an 8 year old to take care of because her own mother is a music executive and can’t be bothered with children unless they can make her money.
So the show goes on in the traditional way, older girl teaches young girl the ways of whoredom, well maybe not the WHOLE “how to get backstage at a Stones concert” whoring but enough to have fun, and the younger one teaches the older one some self respect. Then naturally there is a conflict and a make up and then a bigger conflict and a time of mourning the loss of the friendship, and then a reconciliation and a fancy dance number at the end.
This pile of shit was so predictable I could have written it in my sleep, but if I did Brittney would have had some nude scenes. There was a couple of super sleuth moments that I noticed. See I am one of those guys that can see the missing bottle in the scene that suddenly reappears after a few seconds. I find the flaws, and one of the BEST parts of this movie was the repeated panty shots.
In one scene Brittney would be wearing tights under a see through skirt and then you would catch a glimpse of her G-string then the tights would flash back in place…and let’s face it, who doesn’t like to look at panties? They are sexy, and when they are slightly covered up….that is HOT!!
So if you are looking for a great shit sniffer of a stupid move with a easter egg panty hunt, well then, rent “Up Town Girls”. But I think I stick to downloading falsified naked pics of Brittney from the internet.