Friday, May 01, 2009


Unemployment Month One

Irrefutable truths about being unemployed.

I have been gainfully unemployed for a month now and whereas I am not ready for polyester and paper hats I can do that when it becomes necessary for a cash flow. But I have been observing a lot of really weird things that I didn’t see while I was busy working.

Running errands; you would think that once 9am rolled around the streets would be a tad more empty. But I realized that I was not the only person trying to take advantage of down time to run errands. Did you know that old people come out in DROVES during the 9am to 2pm daylight hours? Well they do and they drive worse then they do on Sunday. At least on Sunday they have an agenda, go to church, go have breakfast at Denny’s, maybe Perkins depending on when their social security check has come in, and then head home to watch the game on TV while napping until 4 when they get up and eat dinner.
During the week they have a vague idea what they are doing, but they can’t seem to make a decision and they spend the majority of their day clogging the streets while driving in what I believe to be random concentric circles, because they haven’t organized their coupons good enough to make a comprehensive shopping, social club, coffee clutch, agenda and have to back track a lot. This isn’t too bad if you live in a town of 40K people, but when you live in a sizeable “city” this creates a metric ass load of trauma for the regular people who are just trying to get shit done.

Spending Money; I never realized how much money it cost me to go to work. I got paid on the 6th and I still have ½ that check left. And yes I have curbed some spending but not all of it. I used to blow through my checks like monopoly money. Gas, Lunches, snacks, bullshit that I thought was necessary, I find out that not only is none of it necessary, I am also being more green, by not driving as much and reducing my carbon footprint.

Honey-do List; I have got more done around my house in the last month then I have gotten done in the last 3 years. It is awesome. AND the bonus here my wife is LOVING all of the bitchen things I have completed.

Being Healthy; Yes it is true, lack of work makes you healthier. Gone are the days of fast food and canned crap. Now I do some real cooking with real food and it is healthier, and better for me. I also spend a HELL of a lot more time in the basement moving heavy weights around, preparing for the old guy invitational power lifting tournament.

Meditation and contemplation; Having some “spare” time in my day has allowed me to do some deep thinking, and life affirming contemplation. What do I want to do with the next 50 years? How long will it take some company to realize that what I have to offer them no one else has, and they will be missing the boat if they don’t hire me? Where did all of these dirty girls come from that are all naked in the interwebs? They weren’t around when I was in my teens and twenties, where the fuck did they come from?

Facebook is a TOOL; Yes that is right, facebook isn’t just a nice toy that you can keep track of friends and family or answer a seemingly endless string of top 5 lists, you can actually use it to do business. For instance yesterday I hooked up a friend with another friend so he can get started on buying a new house and if my house hunting friend says he was referred to the agent by my Wife, well she gets a referral bonus….25% of the real estate agents commission….which in California, depending on the house could be $4K-$9K…..not so bad for chatting to old chums on the FB (that is what the cools kids call it)

There are a lot of other things that I have noticed but if I tell you know what the hell would be the incentive to come back tomorrow?

Vance is about wrapped up, so look for the exciting ending coming soon!

I now leave you with a picture I took in Wisconsin back in Feb. This guy built this for what I can only assume is for parades and photo shoots.

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