Monday, July 28, 2008


My commute...

This morning on my way into work I was juuust entering the 435 loop where I exit 35 north, by Claycomo, and as I was driving down the ramp I notice a semi in the far left lane. Now at this point in the highway system I know that he is coming from 35 North and that is his only place to be. So as I start to accelerate to the desired speed limit, of 70 mph, I see that he is indeed playing buy the correct rules of the road, by entering into the center lane as to not block speedier traffic, for that is the fast lane!

As my little sporty SUV starts to climb the long hill by Worlds of Fun, I get almost even with this guys bumper when he decides this is the best time to go ahead and turn on his turn signal and start to move over into my lane. It was almost simultaneously really, flashy lights, tires near my fender. As I proceed to lock up the brakes on my car causing it to swerve and me to swear loudly, my road rage is ignited to the same temperature as the surface of the sun. I scamper into the center lane which thankfully was unoccupied ( usually when I need this to occur there is a van full of nuns singing show tunes in my they were thankfully still at the free continental breakfast the La Quinta)

So as my blood boils and my foot takes on the properties of lead, I drive up next to the guy and we have a moment of non verbal communication as he wonders why I was blowing my horn at him and giving him the finger.

At that point I was done. My day had it's little jump start of adrenalin, I told Mr. Trucker McFuckstick what I thought of his driving and I was continuing on to my place of work. Easy as Pie.

Not quite.

Mr Trucker McStoolpusher, the Asshammer of I-35 who BTW is driving a red and white RUAN Trucking company rig, decides that it is in his best interest to blow his big diesel ground shaking horn, (That I secretly covet and want to put one in my little sporty SUV) and that my friends is when all rational thought left the confines of my pea sized lizard brain and I took reckless action.

Here is some background. My folks owned a livestock auction or a sale barn when I was a kid, one of my dad's closest friends owns a truck line where he worked on and off when he needed work. My dad ran a truck line for 15 years, and I worked for him on more then one occasion to make money for college. My uncle and his son mu cousin run a two truck independent line, needless to say I have been around truckers and trucks my entire life. Let me tell you one thing that pisses them off more then anything, and that is being slowed down for any reason. Whether it is traffic, a wreck, a big hill, or what not.

At this point I am about 30 yards ahead of him, and now in a super bad mood. So in my infinite wisdom, clouded only by my rage, I jerk my vehicle into his lane,
and stand on my brake pedal. the tail end of my car almost comes off the ground I brake so hard. At the apex of my braking skills I switch pedals and stand on the gas rocketing away from the now VERY AWAKE, and extremely pissed off, cock ass of a truck driver, whom I hope lost his on time bonus. As I was speeding away I saw him frantically try and down shift to keep his momentum going up that hill. Unfortunately he didn't have the reflexes or the horse power to pull it off, so as I sped away I gave a little wave in my rear window wishing him a safe and happy trip to deliver his cargo.

I just hope that the next time he sees me I get the opportunity to show him my batting skills. Or maybe he would like a battle of the Dozens...I can play that too!

Your Mommas so fat I saw her ride by on that last cattle truck.

Cocksucking Doorknob.

<< Home