Tuesday, June 05, 2007


Here's a plan...from the right

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed.
Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous
flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started
building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to
the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the
table...everywhere. Then some of the birds turned mean: They would dive
bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own
pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud: They sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that
I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. I took
down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up
their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quite, serene and no one
demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now lets see...

Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care,
free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.
Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to
pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families: you have
to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor: you child's 2nd grade
class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak
English: Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press "one" to
hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than
"Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights
and free liberties.

Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder!

And now a History Lesson;

History 101

For those that don't know about history...Here is a condense dversion...

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic

hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the

summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of

beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man

to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and

together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning

of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were

invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for

them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at

night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is

known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live

off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing

the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the

Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest

became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements

include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,

group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to

divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most

powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized

by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer

white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their

beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal

fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women

have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,

personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group

therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule

because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide

for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,

lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police

officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone

who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other

conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers

and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans

are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals

remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They

crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying

to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a

Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above

before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so

convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be

forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just

to piss them off.

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