Tuesday, May 15, 2007


Sun tans and percodans...

The word “uninspired” seems to be the battle cry this week.

The weekend was good got a massive sunburn…which I like. Most people think I’m nuts for enjoying the slight pain of a sunburn, but to me it is the only thing that reminds me that I got to spend a little time outside when it was nicer enough to leave a semi lasting impression on me. I love that burn baby!

But as far as the rest of the world well BLAH…EXCEPT!!! Jerry Falwell died!

That has to be a highlight on my list. I think he was bat shit crazy. First to tell America, that we are being punished for kicking god out of everything , we got what we deserved on 9-11. He also tried and was unsuccessful, in suing Hustler and Larry Flint for a Campari parody ad Seen here. I remember this ad when it came out…laughed my ass off!!!

But now who will run the “Moral Majority” Who will fill the self righteous shoes of Jerry? His stance against the WTC made my stomach hurt, my head hurt and it confused me. How is it in today’s day and age we still have a big faction of people thinking that some mysterious being is in charge? I mean it is just like that “other side” guy John whatever, where he can make whatever answer you give to his vague questions fit the story he is concocting to make you feel better about your lost loved ones.

If the tornado blows away your crop, it was God’s punishment for not praying enough. If you have a record harvest your reward. Or it may have nothing to do with anything what so ever. Back in the good old days of the old testament the Jews made a law that they shouldn’t eat pork,. It is a good law, it is said that it is because it is a filthy beast that wallows in it’s on shit. BUT In all reality it had to do with the fact that pork is one of the most volatile meats on the market, not as bad as puffer fish for killing power but one slip up and you have a camp full of Jews blowing mud outta their asses for a full day. So a law? Or just a good idea? The old Jews knew that the only way they could make ALL of the people stop eating pork and possibly dying from dysentery, was to make it read like it was a pact with god.

So should we still believe all of that bullshit? No. Personally I’m pretty excited that Ol Jerry bought the farm and I think that the conversation went something like this;

God: YO Jerry!
Jerry: Holy shit who is that?
God: It’s me you twat, the guy you have been “Praying” too for 50 years, the guy what won’t fucking talk back because I think you’re a douchbag…yeah well I got something to say to you today…
Jerry:” OH DEAR LORD FINNALY I KNEW YOU’D TALK TO ME!!! Please Lord, what wisdom can I give the masses?
God:”Knock Knock”
Jerry: "Knock Knock?
Jerry: “Who’s there”

And then God Squeezed Jerry’s heart until it became a a half quart of meat paste and sent his soul to surf on the lake a fire for all eternity.

Keep a seat warm for me Jerry! I’ll see you in HELL!

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