SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT

Dear George Foreman,

For the last two years I have enjoyed using your famous fat reducing grill, as a matter of fact up until last night I couldn’t remember a week that went by when I didn’t have a reason for not using it. I love your grill.

We, My girlfriend and I, got your grill for a Christmas present in 2004, so we have used it without fail for the last 2 years +/- a month or so. It was no surprise to us when last night the grill finally burned out. Not that we were expecting your product to die an early death, but we know that when you build consumer products to last you can’t make any money because if they last forever you don’t have any return customers. So we were a little disappointed but completely understanding.

In our effort to replace the wonderful grill that we had so lovingly used for the last two years, we ended up being quite shocked and dismayed. Apparently in an effort to save money, or make the grill more affordable to the shoppers at the local discount venues, such as Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Target, you took it upon yourselves to remove some features. Our past grill had a wonderful timer and heat setting slider that would allow the user to make the grill what ever temperature necessary to match what ever they were cooking. It was also the wonderfully JUMBO sized grill, where we could cook for an entire dinner party all at the same time.

Here is the shocking part.

When we went out to locate our new George Foreman Amazing Fat reducing grill, all that was readily available on the shelves were either to small, or had too many gadgets, or to our disbelief, had no timer or temperature setting. Now being a businessman also I completely understand the need for profit, and I’m sure that you personally didn’t have the final say in what features you need to keep or which ones are frivolous and need to be removed, but when cooking multiple items that all need to hit the table at the same time a timer is a quite handy thing to have.

Now I’m sure that I can hear the internal dialogue starting already, “But Mr. Nightmare, there is a model with a timer and a heat setting, we don’t know why you’re all up in our grill about that…”

Well let me tell you about that particular model. I firmly believe that this model was designed for the 18-23 yr old dorm dwelling foodie who makes extra cash by running a café out of their dorm room. It is entirely too small to cook a meal for a family of four, or even a family of two with multiple items on the grill at the same time. Regardless as to the graphic on the box showing what I feel is the smallest salmon steaks on the planet. And that if you were actually grilling these steaks you would be in violation for taking a salmon from the river that was under the proper size limit.

A piece of advice, that my Granny passed down to me. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Please let me know if you have a supply of “George Foreman Amazing Fat Reducing Grills” in the JUMBO size, with timer and heat selector, I would like to stock up.

Yours in Grilling,

Nightmare