SMELLS LIKE BULLSHIT

Tuesday night was the first time I wished I was a cop, or at least a better actor, so I could have pretended to be a cop.

Bouby and I witnessed a drug deal.

In the parking lot of Burger King.

How do we know it was a deal? Lets just say we can recognize the signs, you know from watching Law and Order and Miami Vice.

Here is the situation. We like to drive through the drive through instead of going in because the inside is scarier than my car, and quite frankly old people getting their grub on creeps me out just a little bit. But since Bouby doesn’t like to eat whilst moving, we sit in the parking lot and eat. This way the car doesn’t get too cold or two hot, depending on the season. So since I had a late lunch due to clients bothering me, I wasn’t eating. So I was just cracking jokes and looking around and generally making fun of what ever caught my eye.

The driver of truck we were parked next to gets in and leaves, basically opening up the entire parking lot. Not 2 minutes after he leaves this little brown 4 door car comes rolling in with 3 teen ager boys in it. They were seated two in the front and one in the back, behind the passenger. As soon as they pull in I notice that their driver side rear window is down, and anyone who has ever ridden like these kids knows that is the dope exit, I notice this because it is also a balmy 13 degrees out. Doing this window trick eliminates most of the “reek” on the passengers. I start giggling, and point it out to Bouby, and she starts giggling and then I see that both the driver and the front passenger have their heads down and are quite busily working on something in their laps.

“They are rolling another Doobie!!”

Yes I said doobie, I’m old remember. Fuck off.

Jesus you’d think they were high enough, since they had the window down already. Then I see the second car whip in next to them and he is in a big hurry, so big that he doesn’t even see us sitting there as he jumps out and trots around the car and sticks his hand through the open window, naturally he is too stupid to hide the fact that he is clutching a fistful of money.

“Fuck these kids really need to learn how to make a better drug deal, they could get so busted if I was a cop” At this time the passenger looks up and sees me looking right at him and he starts laughing and makes Buyer McPothead get in the back seat to complete the transaction.

“ Here is what I’m gonna do, as soon as the dealer leaves, I’m gonna pull in behind the buyer real quick pull my knife on him and force him to hand over the drugs….and the rest of his money”

Bouby-“That would be funny, who the fuck would he tell?”

“...Officer, I was buying dope and I got mugged by an old man in a white explorer”

“Excuse me son did you say you were buying drugs and got mugged and now you are reporting it?”

“Yeah I would like to find the guy and get my dope back”

“Empty your pockets…turn around put your hands on your head…”

Meanwhile back at the Casa…..

“Heeey, Bouby?”

“Yeash…”

“I’m hungry, wanna go to Burger King?”