Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Stolen from T-Shirt Hell newsletter....
This shit cracked me up and since I don't think any of you are as nasty and disgusting as I am you probably haven't visited this disgusting website...that I find highly humorous, here is the site, so read and enjoy.
T-shirt hell Mid MArch Newsletter:
There is big news from the world of Scientology. Scientology's most well-known face and its' biggest celebrity, Tom Cruise, has just become an OT VIII (Operating Thetan level 8), the highest OT level a Scientologist can reach. At this stage a Scientologist is capable of flying, can become invisible, read and control people's thoughts, move objects with his or her mind, and do virtually anything else that we mortals consider inconceivable. I wanted to talk to Cruise about this, so I decided to contact him. But before I could he called me up and said he'd be glad to do it. Then he told me to turn off the oven before cookies burned. Oh he's good. Anyway, Tom and I later met up at his compound. I'd give you a location, but Tom's compound is wherever his mind feels like creating it. So we met at a Dunkin' Donuts and I just let the beauty envelope me. Here is the conversation that took place.
T-SHIRT HELL: Thanks for joining me here Tom.
TOM CRUISE: You need not thank me, for we are all responsible for our own . . . things.
TSH: Our own things?
TC: Yes.
TSH: Alright. So, tell me a little about your path to becoming an OT level . . .
TC: An OT level 8? I knew you were going to say that. For Xenu has opened my mind's other mind. Now I can see that past, present and future are all intertwined.
TSH: Yeah. And plus I told you that's what we were going to talk about.
TC: Maybe Xenu has just made you think that you already told me, so that your mind is not blown by my awesome power.
TSH: Okay, I can see where this is going. So Tom . . .
TC: You may address me as Tom.
TSH: (sigh) So, TOM . . . what was it like going from OT I to OT VIII? Tell me a little abo-- Why are you taking your pants off?
TC: Xenu has willed it. Do not worry. I will blind your eyes to the power of a Level 8's body, so that you may not be blinded.
TSH: Keep your pants on, you weird fuck! We're in the middle of Dunkin' Donuts, for God's sake! Oh, that's just great. You just made that little girl cry.
TC: That little girl is being attacked by body thetans. I will sooth her by smearing her with Xenu's magical potion. (Tom begins masturbating near the little girl)
DUNKIN' DONUTS MANAGER: What the fuck are you doing, you sick asshole! Get the fuck out of my store! (Tom strips down to nothing and starts rolling around in the donut display)
TC: I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING! (With the help of two fellow employees, the Dunkin' Donuts manager pummels Tom Cruise and ejects him from the store. I go outside to finish the interview with a naked, bloody Tom Cruise)
TSH: Well . . . thanks for the interview Tom.
TC: No problem. You wanna come by the house later and tea-bag Katie?
TSH: Sure.
TC: See ya then.
So that was my evening with Tom Cruise. All in all I was very pleased with the meeting. And I'm proud to announce that Tom pulled some strings, and for the low price of $100,000, I became an OT III. I haven't yet found inner-peace, but I've become really good at parallel-parking. Bye for now (p.s. - Katie's a biter).
T-shirt hell Mid MArch Newsletter:
There is big news from the world of Scientology. Scientology's most well-known face and its' biggest celebrity, Tom Cruise, has just become an OT VIII (Operating Thetan level 8), the highest OT level a Scientologist can reach. At this stage a Scientologist is capable of flying, can become invisible, read and control people's thoughts, move objects with his or her mind, and do virtually anything else that we mortals consider inconceivable. I wanted to talk to Cruise about this, so I decided to contact him. But before I could he called me up and said he'd be glad to do it. Then he told me to turn off the oven before cookies burned. Oh he's good. Anyway, Tom and I later met up at his compound. I'd give you a location, but Tom's compound is wherever his mind feels like creating it. So we met at a Dunkin' Donuts and I just let the beauty envelope me. Here is the conversation that took place.
T-SHIRT HELL: Thanks for joining me here Tom.
TOM CRUISE: You need not thank me, for we are all responsible for our own . . . things.
TSH: Our own things?
TC: Yes.
TSH: Alright. So, tell me a little about your path to becoming an OT level . . .
TC: An OT level 8? I knew you were going to say that. For Xenu has opened my mind's other mind. Now I can see that past, present and future are all intertwined.
TSH: Yeah. And plus I told you that's what we were going to talk about.
TC: Maybe Xenu has just made you think that you already told me, so that your mind is not blown by my awesome power.
TSH: Okay, I can see where this is going. So Tom . . .
TC: You may address me as Tom.
TSH: (sigh) So, TOM . . . what was it like going from OT I to OT VIII? Tell me a little abo-- Why are you taking your pants off?
TC: Xenu has willed it. Do not worry. I will blind your eyes to the power of a Level 8's body, so that you may not be blinded.
TSH: Keep your pants on, you weird fuck! We're in the middle of Dunkin' Donuts, for God's sake! Oh, that's just great. You just made that little girl cry.
TC: That little girl is being attacked by body thetans. I will sooth her by smearing her with Xenu's magical potion. (Tom begins masturbating near the little girl)
DUNKIN' DONUTS MANAGER: What the fuck are you doing, you sick asshole! Get the fuck out of my store! (Tom strips down to nothing and starts rolling around in the donut display)
TC: I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING! (With the help of two fellow employees, the Dunkin' Donuts manager pummels Tom Cruise and ejects him from the store. I go outside to finish the interview with a naked, bloody Tom Cruise)
TSH: Well . . . thanks for the interview Tom.
TC: No problem. You wanna come by the house later and tea-bag Katie?
TSH: Sure.
TC: See ya then.
So that was my evening with Tom Cruise. All in all I was very pleased with the meeting. And I'm proud to announce that Tom pulled some strings, and for the low price of $100,000, I became an OT III. I haven't yet found inner-peace, but I've become really good at parallel-parking. Bye for now (p.s. - Katie's a biter).
