Tuesday, February 28, 2006


Hey don't look in there!!

I don’t know how many people out there do what I do but I read my small hometown newspaper on line. It keeps me in touch with all of the crazy people who haven’t left yet and all of the people that still live there and are in charge of stuff. For instance the DJ I grew up listening to on KMKF 101.5 known as the Kansas Dog…well he is now the Mayor of Manhapenis Kansas.

So I get these headlines in my email and I usually scan them and maybe click through on one of them so I can read a angry story or two. Right now the city of Manhapenis is embroiled in controversy. It seems that there has been an investigation launched into the city’s parks and recreation division for an illegal gambling ring and hundred of thousands of missing dollars. But that isn’t what kept me from coming back. Even though I know all of the players in this story including some of the cops, here is where it gets interesting.

I went o high school with most of these guys and one in particular was a little strange, but very funny, his name was Tom Utermoehlen. Tom was always thought of as “someone who putts from the rough”, or “his bread is buttered on the other side” or “ He plays for the OTHER team”

Ok so he was gay! That’s what I’m saying. Anyway, everyone was pretty ok with this because he was a really stand up kind of guy. Give you the shirt off of his back, and buy you many cocktails to help you forget why you lost it anyway. Well here is a quote from the Manhattan Mercury (AKA The Manhattan Mistake),

"…Parks and recreation director Terry DeWeese said this morning that Friday was the last day for recreation supervisor Matt McClure and recreation coordinator Thomas Utermoehlen. ….Police last week did name Utermoehlen as a "person of interest" in the gambling and theft investigation. Utermoehlen was arrested Friday, Feb. 17 for felony exploitation of a child. Police said Utermoehlen's city-issued, personal computer was undergoing a forensic examination as part of the theft/ gambling investigation, when the city ran across evidence of "explicit child pornography." City officials alerted police and Utermoehlen was arrested. Utermoehlen was not available for comment on his resignation. He had worked various positions prior to becoming a full-time recreation coordinator in 2001."

I am still reeling from the shock.

I was reading along and was expecting “…personal computer was undergoing a forensic examination as part of the theft/ gambling investigation, when the city ran across evidence of “GUYS BLOWING EACH OTHER”…not kiddy porn.

Oh Tom, Where did you go wrong? When did you decide to tug your root to a younger set of man buns? When did you look at your internet porn and decide “Wow that guy would be so much hotter if I could just get pictures of him when he was 13.”

But I guess we all know why he was in charge of the recreation for the kids of Manhattan. At least he didn’t steal all of that money and build a amusement park complete with petting zoo and a monkey named bubbles!

<< Home