Friday, December 16, 2005


You - Off my planet

I woke up on Tuesday morning with a tickle in my throat and thought “Hmmm I better double up on the vitamins, and take some cold stuff with me just incase” It didn’t work My ass has been sick for three days. Let me tell you how that happened.

It was my co-workers.

They got sick and breathed on me. I got sick. I hate them.

I know not a very interesting story. On a side note I can feel the collective IQ of the KC metro area dropping as the morning goes on. How did I come to this clairvoyance? Easy, there is a snow storm coming. And since I’m 3 credits short of my Doctorate in Psycho-weather Analogy, I can tell you that as the weather conditions deteriorate so do the minds of normal people. People that you would never guess to be a complete fucking hand job of a driver, transform into one, the second the first snow flake appears in the sky. Driving slow, not paying attention, using their cell phone while merging, trying to merge with their foot on the brakes, NOT clearing the snow and ice off of their windows, general buttfuckery and piss poor driving.

So as a warning to all of the rest of you smart people, take heed to the talking heads on the picture box and stay the fuck off of the roads tonight and tomorrow during the worst of the snow, If I see you I will not hesitate to redecorate your shiny happy little car with my 3 tons of steel reinforced Detroit pick up made before the great plastic rush of 1979. To show you how serious I am I personally redecorated my truck as an example on Monday.

That’s right the tard-O’s on the tube told everyone that it did not freeze and there was smooth driving all over the metro. Well they forgot to tell the snow that had become water and then ice at the entrance of my building and my penis compensation mobile does horribly, incredibly bad on ice. It is like watching a pig skate, ugly…really. So my front bumper shook hands with a protective cement filled pipe and now my pretty clunker looks like a hairlip.

But Bouby’s Dad has a hydraulic press and he thinks we can straighten it out.

Avoid the clap.
Your pal,
Jimmy Duggan.

So who’s ready to go to the islands?

PS: Fuck You Tis, I remember when you had Ted Nuget hair and flipped pizzas for a living. Ha HA!

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