Monday, December 05, 2005


Bambi's no good older brother. Beware there are PICS!

I did society a favor this past weekend. I eradicated a dangerous member of the animal kingdom before he could hurt again. Here is my story.

(That was my Law and Order huh?)

The wind was blowing out of the south east at 18-20 mph, with gusts up to 25 mph, it was cold. Like 20 degrees cold. My camo coat and pants wee doing their ob by not letting the forest animals see me and my scent blocker spray assured me that nothing would be able to see me.

I walked into the forest headed for my tree stand. It was my third day hunting. The first two days I hadn’t seen anything at all or it was on someone else’s land so I wasn’t allowed to shoot it.

But then on Friday I went hunting with my cousin on my uncle’s land and since he doesn’t allow guns it was bows only. Well to make this as short as possible I’ll give you the bullet points of what went down.

1) lost my stand, and tromped around in the trees making enough noise to wake the ghost of Christmas past, finally figured out where I was and found my stand.
2) Forgot that when you’re sitting 16 feet above the ground it is colder then if you were sitting on the ground. So I’m 16 feet up and freezing.
3) Decide to use the little “Hot Hands” heater pouches for my gloves, the packaging was frozen and rattled like a candy wrapper in a quiet movie theater. Great more noise.
4) Finally got light enough that I could see and lo and behold there was a deer.
5) I pulled my “Bleat can” out and gave it a turn. (It imitates the sound of a horny doe) and the deer stopped in his tracks.
6) I tried to put my bleat can in my pocket and dropped it out of the tree. It made a SHIT LOAD of noise banging around the stand and the tree branches. Great MORE FUCKING NOISE.
7) I grunted on my Buck grunt (it imitates the horny Buck) and the deer turned towards me and started walking.
8) He turned broad side for me at about 20 yards, and I shot and missed him. He hopped forward with a a look on his face like “ Like what the fuck ..over!
9) I renocked my second arrow and when he stayed around and waited for him to walk down the trail. He did I shot he bucked wildly and ran away. I had hit him.
10) It was a clean hit and he perished less then 50 yards from where I hit him.

Now we have venison in the freezer and by freezer I mean the truck box of my pick up because it is below freezing here and will be until Saturday. Here is a picture of his head, I didn’t take any of them with me in iot because I’m sure you’re tired of seeing my fat ass anyway.

The rest of the weekend was spent doing redneckery. My other cousin fixed my truck, it runs like a deer, we celebrated the hunting cousins B-day Saturday night, GOT WAY DRUNK! Loved it.

And now I’m back to stupid work. When is it my turn to win the lottery?

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