Wednesday, December 07, 2005 keeps you warm at night

It is sofa king cold out there! Unbelievable! 9 degrees, wind chill -5.

There is no reason for that.

A forest fire is WAAAAYYY more useful then bone numbing cold. I bitch and moan about this every year because it seems to get worse every year. Last year we didn’t have this kind of cold for another month or two. Where the hell is all of this global warming everyone keeps talking about? I could do with less cold and more water. What have the fucking Ice Caps done for me lately? Fuck those stupid penguins. And don’t even get me started on the polar bears. I bet they taste great on rye.

Wanna know who else pisses me off?

Short fat people.

That’s right, the vertically challenged round abouts whose inseams are only 28”-34” long. Where are all of the tall FAT people? I tried to buy jeans over the weekend and I was even shut down at the fat guy store.

Yes it’s true, I either need to lose more weight (which I do) or grow 6 more inches (which I can’t…or more to the point can’t afford the stretching operation). How fucking sad is it when a tall fat guy can’t buy any fucking jeans? The un-helpful little bastard at the fat guy store even told me that as soon as they get anything in in a 36” inseam they sell it out almost immediately.

And here is where Nightmare throws a bearing.

If the store sells out the second the fucking pants hit the rack wouldn’t that mean that there are more tall fat guys out there who are looking for some jeans that fit well, and you should double your order the next week? It makes sense to me, but the tubby little bitch behind the counter told me that they only get a couple of pairs in every order and that they sell right away.

I had to be restrained before I choked the little short inseamed fucking round bastard. I should have used his fat ass as a Swiss exercise ball!

But here is the good news I’m headed out to VA this weekend to see some cousins I haven’t seen in Many many many years and one set just had a bouncing baby boy last weekend. So that will be a hoot and a half.

Peace in your hood.

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