Friday, October 28, 2005


A spittin' good time!

I spit on my pillow this morning.

Really, it’s true. I was having this amazingly real life feeling dream and I was chewing tobacco. I used to chew tobacco, I used a can and a half a day of Copenhagen snuff for about 10 years. I haven’t had any since I went cold turkey back in 1990.

So at the end of this dream, well it was the end because I spit on my pillow not because it came to a nice fairy tale ending and all was well. Anyway I was putting in a “dip” and I was getting it settled and needed to spit and I did and then it wasn’t EXACTLY right in my lip, so I spit.

And it was on my pillow.

So I did the man thing and flipped the pillow over and went back to sleep.

*CATUION* Rapid change of subject please keep all arms and legs inside of the car for your protection.

Last night the crazy roads department decided to cut short a lane of traffic by 200 yards. It isn’t a big deal BECAUSE where they did it was right before that lane ended anyway by an exit/entrance onto our woefully inadequate KC freeway. What pisses me off is the retardedness of the way they announced it.

The Street people,(City officials not the bums, although there is little difference in this story) decided the best wayo tp inform the public was to put up a flashing highway sign with a lot of words in a extremely stupid spot 2 FUCKING MILES BEFORE THE LANE ENDED!

I know people needed to know that there was a removal of some of the previously drivable roadway but it is 435 interstate for Christ sake! The fucking lane ended exactly…almost, in the same fucking spot that it had for the previous 50 fucking years! I say almost because it really is only about 200-300 feet difference. So 2 miles before a lane ends there is this HUGE flashing warning sign with entirely too many words on it causing the old people who are up at the fucking crack of 6:30am driving to their Wal-Mart greeters job, to slow down to the point of causing a fucking accident and read the stupid sign.

Here’s the kicker.

One mile up the road from the “Sign of Imminent Doom” there is a nice big, non-flashing street sing that simply reads “Lane ends one mile.” It is perfect, clear, concise, to the point and un-obtrusive. The perfect sign. If women had signs like this Men would have a better shot of getting the right present at the right time.

Fucking Bureaucrats.

Fucking whinny liberal fucking bureaucrats.

“Oh we have to give the drivers more warning then the obviously brand new sign that they might miss because they are on their fucking cell phones or putting on their fucking makeup, or trying to hide the body of the dead hooker that society had failed to properly educate on the dangers of sex, and drugs and that heathen devil music rock and roll. So lets make it a big flashy one with all of the words ever invented for LANE FUCKING ENDS PREPARE TO FUCKING MERGE YOU FUCKING WINDOWLICKING RETARDS”

Up next, my “Wild Cow Milking” experience.

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