Monday, October 03, 2005


San Francisco, slow flights and you.

San Francisco is still a groovy place!

We arrived here on Wednesday afternoon and promptly missed three subway trains due to phone call sightseeing and just second guessing ourselves. Well ok Second guessing and not being forceful enough with my traveling companion. But we made it to the hotel shortly. The view from the train was stunning, the trip was quick and we walked right past our hotel which according to mapquest was .01 miles from the BART station. Well it might be but it is also translates into RIGHT OUT SIDE OUR FUCKING DOOR.

So when we finally got into the room and smelled the difference between clean country air and what apparently is some good old fashioned smog/fog/street people stench it was quite a good time. I checked my voice mail and quickly found that Mr. Dusty Pork Tornado, and called and left me a message, I called him back and he was going to meet us at the front of the trade show hall where he was working/attending and give us a quick run down of his “day job”. It was then Al, (I call him that because that is his name) and went back outside to check out the surroundings, it was then I discovered that if I can’t see the sun, I have no idea what direction I’m facing.

In city’s like SF where there are literally 1000’s of buildings over 5 stories it is hard to get a fix on exactly where the light is coming from. So this retard gets us going in the wrong direction, but I don’t admit it, just yet I let it linger on until Thursday…But any way we decide that by the time we get back to where we were going to meet Dusty we would never make it, so we gave up. .. Ok just the idea of going to the Mascone center. We instead called Dusty back and proceeded to a place that we both knew and it lo and behold served alcohol. So Al and I started drinking and eating our dinner. When he showed up it was a absolute blast.

If you ever have the opportunity to chat with Dusty in person take the time to do it. He is a genuine person and should be praised like a demi god at the very least.(He has also paid me to say that.) I ended up going with him and a couple of his sales guys at a party where there were more geeks/freaks/and nerds in one room then I have ever seen. I swear I could have cleared the hotel if I would have yelled “HOLY SHIT WILLIAM SHATNER” and the whole room with the exception of the vapid boob/booth girls and Dusty. It was the craziest thing ever. But I did get to meet his She Boss and learned about her Hubby “Big Skinny” and I also got to meet the amazingly petite cohort, who’s hands would make even my tiny gherkin look “John Holms-ish” That and the two sales guys Woody and Drew, That is who they look like not what they do by the way.

Woody Harrleson AKA Eric

Drew Cary AKA David

Still with me good.

Well the six plus of us had a lot of fun drinking beer and laughing at each other stories about who’s clients were the dumbest, men giving birth, and Indians. (feathers not dots). So around 10 pm or so PST, the party is over and it is time to head back to the Smells So Well Hotel, It was a fun night. I highly recommend it.

I apparently made a pretty good impression on Boss lady because she told Pork how much fun she had! So I hope they give him another jet plane filled with Jelly beans as a bonus again this year.

Pork, I had a blast and if you’re ever in KC trying to get something to Sprint, let me know because you spent entirely too much on beverages. My turn next time. Or if really want I can just send the beer and we will have a virtual party. Have a good time in Hawaii with the Skirt and I hope our paths in the future at least once.

The Plane ride home was somewhat uneventful. All of our landing gear went up and down as it was supposed to, the beverages were cold and plentiful and we were 30 mins late.

I know it isn’t a big deal but somehow we flew back from the west coast stuck behind an older jet who had it’s left turn signal on the entire 1300+ miles. I swear to Christ I have no idea how we pulled off being late.

For those people who fly from the left to the right you have all experienced the glory of the jet stream. 999 times out of a 1000, the plane will leave on time and arrive 30 mins early. Well not in this case. Some how when we took off and when we landed we lost not only the 15 mins we saved by being good cattle and sheep and finding our seats and stowing all of our carry on’s. Some of us had 3-4 times the LEGAL amount of carry on’s, but we also lost the 30 minutes that we usually save by hitching a ride on the jet stream.

Fuck no! And then when we get to the baggage carousels everyone rushes up to the revolving stainless steel rack and waits for their baggage. And since we all know that the people who do this obviously KNOW where their bags are and when they will be coming out, so yes that would be perfect place for them in the way of everyone elses bags that really do come off the plane first!

Fucking cockmonkeys!

And Then I crawled into my brothers car and drove 3 hours to hunt deer with my bow, and saw one lone doe, along with one squirrel, one bunny, 5000 mosquitos and a grasshopper. I didn't not see anything I could shoot at. But I did get to spend a lot of time with my Dad and my brother, which was fun.

From Left to right: Nightmare, Pork Tornado, David, Waitress, and Eric. Photo taken by the ever present camera man Al.

And since NoGoodDaddy thinks I photoshopped him in here is a different picture of the 5 of us!

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