Thursday, September 15, 2005
There was a great earthquake and the sun turned black as sack cloth...
Yes that’s right the apocalypse is upon us.
Brittney Spheres had a baby.
Well it sounds more like she had a cyst removed. Poor old Britney decided to have her baby by c-section (I can’t spell cisar…cister, that “C” word) to avoid the pain of natural CHILD BIRTH! That’s why it is called natural by the way because it is supposed to hurt! When you pass a bowling ball through a garden hose it isn’t supposed to be a real pleasant experience.
Don’t get me wrong, I know (from what others have told me) that is it really worth it. I also know what it feels like, by the way, and it is a nasty story. Lets just say that having a shot put fall out of your ass is just as painful as childbirth.
Anyway, I think the real reason that she wanted the baby by C-section was so that the Doctor’s wouldn’t see how distorted her junk has become since leaving the mouseketteers. I mean Whoops she’s a whore …AGAIN.
Personally I think there defiantly needs to be some sort of law passed that says you have to have some sort of license to have a baby. Or maybe just invent some sort of breeding stock, diversified of course, so that we can continue to evolve in the best way possible, just like nature intended us to.
See, we as humans have become complacent to natural selection. We need to start weeding out the herd a little. Think about it when was the last time you saw a stupid animal? I’m guessing it was this morning, it was taking a dirt nap on the side of the road because it was too stupid to know that not all bright lights are the sun and then when they see a PAIR of bright lights coming towards them that maybe…just MAYBE they should turn around and run the OTHER way.
I do not believe in creationism. Not at all, it makes no sense to me. A supreme being was playing in the mud and earth and decided to make a couple of voodoo dolls and then animate them and give them a garden to live in? Ok sounds a lot like a LSD trip I took one day when I thought the wood grain on the back of the storage room door was the absolute center of the universe and held the key to eternal life. OR MAYBE I WAS TRIPPING. Who knows for sure? Oh right I do. Do you know how I know? BECAUSE I’M NOT A COMPLETE RETARD!
I know some of you will disagree with me, and say that; yes, yes you are a complete retard. LSD is not a good idea. Dr. Leary would disagree with you, but hey, to each his own.
So back to weeding out the herd. I suggest starting with everyone who brakes unnecessarily while driving. You know the people I’m talking about. The dumb ones who for whatever reason can’t keep their foot in place to keep the car driving at a constant speed and then when they realize that they are going ¾ of a mile over the speed limit they hit the brakes instead of just taking their foot off of the gas pedal.
They need to be kicked to the edge of the herd and given to the lions. Or the people who think a light rain makes the road exactly like a ice covered street and drive 20 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane. They’re gone too.
In other news;
Brotherhood Of Irony Workers - Las Vegas Weekly interviewed some people who were picketing outside a Wal-Mart against the chain's low wages and non-union worker policy. They discovered the protesters were non-union temp workers hired by the United Food and Commercial Workers union. The UFCW makes them walk a picket line in five-hour shifts in 104 degree F. heat with only two 15-minute bathroom breaks, for $6 an hour and no benefits. One protester said he used to work at Wal-Mart: they started him at $6.75 an hour, he was making $8.63 when he quit less than a year later, and he's thinking of reapplying.
Wal-Mart will pay him $10 an hour to go picket the UFCW office.
Next sign:
Saucy! - Thanks to the Internet, the fastest-growing religion in the world may be the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was founded by physics grad Bobby Henderson of Oregon, who opposes the push to teach "Intelligent Design" in schools. Realizing proponents didn't specify which God did the designing, Henderson declared that it had been revealed to him that the universe was created by a flying monster made of spaghetti and meatballs, and he wants that in the curriculum. His website (www.venganza.org) is now getting two million hits a day, images of it are everywhere, and one blog is offering $1 million to anyone who can disprove the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
And his archangel, Oregano.
The Apocalypse is upon us….
So here is a couple of little guys to make the burning in fire and brimstone a little easier to handle;
Brittney Spheres had a baby.
Well it sounds more like she had a cyst removed. Poor old Britney decided to have her baby by c-section (I can’t spell cisar…cister, that “C” word) to avoid the pain of natural CHILD BIRTH! That’s why it is called natural by the way because it is supposed to hurt! When you pass a bowling ball through a garden hose it isn’t supposed to be a real pleasant experience.
Don’t get me wrong, I know (from what others have told me) that is it really worth it. I also know what it feels like, by the way, and it is a nasty story. Lets just say that having a shot put fall out of your ass is just as painful as childbirth.
Anyway, I think the real reason that she wanted the baby by C-section was so that the Doctor’s wouldn’t see how distorted her junk has become since leaving the mouseketteers. I mean Whoops she’s a whore …AGAIN.
Personally I think there defiantly needs to be some sort of law passed that says you have to have some sort of license to have a baby. Or maybe just invent some sort of breeding stock, diversified of course, so that we can continue to evolve in the best way possible, just like nature intended us to.
See, we as humans have become complacent to natural selection. We need to start weeding out the herd a little. Think about it when was the last time you saw a stupid animal? I’m guessing it was this morning, it was taking a dirt nap on the side of the road because it was too stupid to know that not all bright lights are the sun and then when they see a PAIR of bright lights coming towards them that maybe…just MAYBE they should turn around and run the OTHER way.
I do not believe in creationism. Not at all, it makes no sense to me. A supreme being was playing in the mud and earth and decided to make a couple of voodoo dolls and then animate them and give them a garden to live in? Ok sounds a lot like a LSD trip I took one day when I thought the wood grain on the back of the storage room door was the absolute center of the universe and held the key to eternal life. OR MAYBE I WAS TRIPPING. Who knows for sure? Oh right I do. Do you know how I know? BECAUSE I’M NOT A COMPLETE RETARD!
I know some of you will disagree with me, and say that; yes, yes you are a complete retard. LSD is not a good idea. Dr. Leary would disagree with you, but hey, to each his own.
So back to weeding out the herd. I suggest starting with everyone who brakes unnecessarily while driving. You know the people I’m talking about. The dumb ones who for whatever reason can’t keep their foot in place to keep the car driving at a constant speed and then when they realize that they are going ¾ of a mile over the speed limit they hit the brakes instead of just taking their foot off of the gas pedal.
They need to be kicked to the edge of the herd and given to the lions. Or the people who think a light rain makes the road exactly like a ice covered street and drive 20 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane. They’re gone too.
In other news;
Brotherhood Of Irony Workers - Las Vegas Weekly interviewed some people who were picketing outside a Wal-Mart against the chain's low wages and non-union worker policy. They discovered the protesters were non-union temp workers hired by the United Food and Commercial Workers union. The UFCW makes them walk a picket line in five-hour shifts in 104 degree F. heat with only two 15-minute bathroom breaks, for $6 an hour and no benefits. One protester said he used to work at Wal-Mart: they started him at $6.75 an hour, he was making $8.63 when he quit less than a year later, and he's thinking of reapplying.
Wal-Mart will pay him $10 an hour to go picket the UFCW office.
Next sign:
Saucy! - Thanks to the Internet, the fastest-growing religion in the world may be the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was founded by physics grad Bobby Henderson of Oregon, who opposes the push to teach "Intelligent Design" in schools. Realizing proponents didn't specify which God did the designing, Henderson declared that it had been revealed to him that the universe was created by a flying monster made of spaghetti and meatballs, and he wants that in the curriculum. His website (www.venganza.org) is now getting two million hits a day, images of it are everywhere, and one blog is offering $1 million to anyone who can disprove the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
And his archangel, Oregano.
The Apocalypse is upon us….
So here is a couple of little guys to make the burning in fire and brimstone a little easier to handle;
