Tuesday, August 30, 2005


I fear a jury will see it the same way...

It is only 12:30 and I am already so tired of being here it isn’t funny. I needed marketing materials a year ago for one of our products and I am still waiting. I needed my clients to pull the fucking trigger and make a decision and not schedule another meeting about whether or not a decision needs to be made before we all fall down and rot in the ground dead.

I took this job based on the job description which basically was I would be doing no cold calling and 95% of my work would involve creating invoices and filling orders. Yes it is….This is so not worth reading I would rather write a list of words I think are funny then to keep bitching about my stupid clients of how lame my job has become. So here is a list of words I think are funny or disgusting;

Spackle….This just sounds NASTY. “Honey? Where is the mop I just ass spackled the toilet.

Shimmy… That word makes me giggle.

Panties…This word if funny no matter what. If you don’t believe me just walk past any 3rd grade classroom and poke your head in and say “Panties” I bet you will disrupt class for a good 15 minutes.

Underpants…Same as panties…it is a hoot.

Vagina…It is weird no matter how you say it. “vuh-gina….vag-ina…cunt” see weird.

POOP…Poop is funny because poop is funny. Why do you think monkeys throw it when you go to the Zoo?

Fisting… Conjures up images of unwilling puppets. And that is funny, and just a little wrong.

Uranus…Planet or no planet that shit is funny!

Stool... Either something you sit on or something that comes out of what you use to sit with…it can be funny to mix up the meanings.

Well now I can’t think of anymore. And I really just want to go play golf.

And it is now 6:10 pm a FULL day and ½ later.

I did not play golf, I did go to work AGAIN, I made one of the partners actually do his fucking job instead of letting him force it off on someone else, namely me, and I have a head ache. I did cook me and Bouby some groovy pasta and I am sliding into a food coma.

But I wanted to write down some more stuff.

I found a website that has tips so I thought I would try one.

Nightmare W.
Nightmare W. passed away this week suddenly after a short battle with a big bus.
Bus 1
Nightmare 0
Nightmare leaves behind a wonderful girlfriend who loved him regardless of his slovenly sloppy ways, no children…that he knows of, and 2 step dogs. Both retarded. As a graduate from Kansas State University with a degree in advertising, he never actually used the degree for what it was intentioned for. It is believed to be in a box somewhere in his girlfriend’s house. He loved sports and being outdoors. Hunting and fishing were two of the top three things he liked to do outdoors *wink wink nudge nudge* which is fortuitous because that will be his final resting place outdoors. Nightmares wish to be canned and placed on a mantle has been denied due to unbelievable creepiness. A memorial will be held at the local pub. Any local pub will do so there is no need to look for a specific one This memorial will start precisely at 10:30 am and run until there is no one left standing.

Nightmare was a simple man he never wanted for much, he was a dreamer who knew that regardless of how many prayers he said he would never “hit” the lottery, and even if he did to do so would be the end of the dreams and start of reality. And he knew that without dreams life is basically a grind with no sparkles or happiness. His good natured “meanness” was 90% bark and 10% bite. He was quick to be loud but rarely if ever held a grudge for longer then three minutes. Loyal and extremely protective to his friends and family, he was known for his generosity and his ability to wade through the bullshit to get to the heart of the matter.

A loving friend, man ,and a cut above the rest. He will be missed by two or three people. Not including family who is by nature supposed to miss someone when they are dead.

Well that wasn’t nearly as therapeutic as I thought it was going to be. Anyone else ever write their own Obituary?

Shit. Well anyway here is a picture of a baby Min Pin just for NonGirlfriend;

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