Thursday, July 21, 2005


Blast from the past

I don't have trhe time to update today so I am just being a lazy cocksucker and posting one of the earlier ones fom my old Diaryland account. Yes it is Tacky but I'm leaving today for a mini vacation, or as my brit co-worker calls it "Holiday" and I really wish he would stop!! ASSIMILATE GODDAMNIT!

January 25, 2005-8:09 p.m.

I was sitting here talking to one of my co-workers about fuck knows what when I had this amazing flash back to when I was about 13 and my grandmother was about to die.

I know it is off to a rocky start but stick with me it gets better.

My G-ma was 89 when she died, and she died of nothing more then old age and the stress of raising 5 kids through the depression and WWII and the Korean conflict as well as losing my Grandpa 3-4 years previously. They had been married for 75 years or something like that, I know she was married at the ripe old age of 13. And to this day and age where people aren’t even living to see 75 let alone being married to someone for that long it is kind of cool. And to think Brad and Jennifer made it a whole 6 years..WHOO HOO write that down in the record books. My G-ma lived across a drainage ditch next to some of the busiest railroad tracks north of Wichita KS.

When my dad was growing up during the depression and after it, it was a place where many men headed west looking for a better life, would stop looking for hand outs. I don’t know if many people know about life on the rails and the way the Hobos and Tramps kept track of good places to stop and catch a meal or take a nap, and the ones to avoid, else get beaten by the railroad bulls(cops). Well they would make markings on the corners of peoples houses, denoting whether or not there were friendly people inside or if they would be better off moving along. Well these markings were all over the back of her house. Not in a “I just Tagged the subway” style, but in a respectful pseudo hidden kind of way. G-ma would always put the ones to work who wanted it and feed the ones who needed it. She never turned down a soul, and was the only woman who could go from asking to eating any pie you would like in less then 30 mins. She was awesome!

Anyway fast forward to a week before G-ma’s death.

Here is the scene. G-ma is dying and everyone knows it. She is slowly slipping into dementia, she hasn’t left her bed in a week and ½ and we are all starting to worry about her more then usual.

As kids though we find humor in strange places. One day G-ma was sitting in her rocking chair and she exclaimed” Quick Alma (my eldery Aunt) grab a pan the peas are falling out of the ceiling!” Well of course she was hallucinating, but as teenagers and pre-teens we found this very amusing. She also wanted someone to clean up all of the rain water on the floor of the living room, yet another hallucination. So as you can imagine we were all quite concerned with her well being.

So 3 weeks before she dies she “drops her basket”. 1 week before she dies, my father, my aunt, and my two brothers and I were up visiting. G-ma. We were all just hanging around, kids in the front room and adults in the kitchen, probably discussing “plans for G-ma” and whether or not my Aunt could continue to care for her. When I look up from the TV and here comes G-ma walking down the hallway.

I kinda panic and yell out to dad that G-ma was walking down the hallway and he said that I should stop kidding around. Well about that time she comes into full view of the kitchen and I hear Alma and Pops get up hurriedly to see what the hell was going on. Well I just sit up straighter in my rocking chair (for some reason this was the only kind of chairs my G-ma had in her house, 4 rockers and a armless couch you could springboard off of). Well anyway she comes out and stands in front of me, all 4’ nutthing of her and looks me dead in the eye and says “ Michael, I rocked you for the first 3 years or more of your life it is your turn to rock me”

I was completely floored! Since I was a big kid, I just smiled and said “you bet G-ma, climb on up here and I’ll rock you.” That little old lady crawled up into my lap and snuggled against my neck like a baby.

I started crying like a sissy in boystown. Quietly though so not to disturb her.

We sat there gently rocking for the better part of two hours, My dad would look in on us every 5 mins or so and he would just smile and shake his head. I don’t know what made her pick me out of the three of us boys sitting there or if she even knew why she picked me, but she did and I was caught up in the moment. I just sat there and held her frail body and remembered all of the fun we used to have. I have come to realize why the old people in this world always talk about the past. It is as vivid as HDTV and more readily available. I can remember this incident complete with colors, smells, and textures, like it was yesterday. 24 years later.

G-ma slipped away peacefully in the night almost a week to the day that I was allowed to rock her in my lap. I don’t know what she was feeling, or how she was doing but I always like to think that somehow I was able to give her a little peace of mind in her waning days.

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